I know this may come off as a flame-y / troll-y, but I hope you will take my word for it that it's not my intention. I am just trying to understand the PHP phenomenon.

After looking at the many technical issues with the language design of PHP, I am hard pressed to find any redeeming technical advantages where PHP surpasses all other languages. Before coming to the conclusion that there would simply be no reason to choose PHP as a development language on purely technical grounds, I would like to ask, if all non-technical factors were equal (such as what language the developers already know, what languages the hosting provider offers, language of existing code, cost, license, corporate fiat, etc.), would there be any type of new software system that would indicate making PHP a first choice for development? If so, what technical advantage does PHP have over all other languages that would cause you to choose it?

EDIT: I am not interested in comparing PHP "out of the box" with other languages "out of the box". If PHP has a certain feature "out of the box" that another language has only after installing some readily available add-on, that is not considered an advantage for PHP for the purposes of this question.