Originally posted on: http://geekswithblogs.net/Erik/archive/2013/06/29/153290.aspx

 I've been staring at the computer for a few minutes now and I honestly don't know what to write.  First I thought of writing about myself, where I was born, where I studied, where I am now... but that seems shallow.  Now that I thought about it.  I'd rather not talk about who I am because it seems irrelevant right now.  What I really want to say is..

I'm sad.  Been like this for quite some time now.

Nobody knows I'm sad.

I tried telling my wife but I guess she didn't think it was serious.  We were having a fight when I told her so she probably thought I was just making up an excuse for my behavior.  And besides, she's not the kind of person who'd put my interests before hers especially when she's got lots of things on her mind.

I'm not sad every single day.  Some days I'm perfectly fine.  I actually have no idea when I'd feel sad.  It just happens. I'd wake up cheerful and then before I go to bed I already feel depressed.  I have no idea what triggers it.  On the bed, I'd turn my back to my wife, curl up into a fetal position and start sobbing silently. Awful. 

 Maybe you're wondering now what's the cause of all this.

My grandma passed away and I haven't completely  come to terms with that fact.  I long to see her, talk to her and hold her... but I can't do that anymore because she's gone.  I will never be able to hear her voice and feel her touch again.  To make matters worse, the only person whom I wish would stay beside me whenever I'm feeling miserable and dejected is never around.  She's either working late or out with her friends.  Such is my life at the moment.  I doubt it will improve anytime soon.