guy c - Page 28 - Developer IT

What's this setting of MATLAB for(which is causing lots of troubles for lots of people)?

- by Runner

This setting in PATH: D:\MATLAB\R2007b\bin\win32 Here is a fresh bad affect by this setting for me: http://stackoverflow.com/questions/2712913/why-does-this-program-require-msvcr80-dll-and-whats-the-best-solution-for-this-k And here's an issue reported by another guy: http://groups.google.com/group/ggobi/browse_thread/thread/dacea0fa93dcaf75 What's that setting for and why it's causing so many problems?

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$_POST vs. $_SERVER['REQUEST_METHOD'] == 'POST'

- by Scott

Some guy called one of my Snipplr submissions "crap" because I used if ($_SERVER['REQUEST_METHOD'] == 'POST') instead of if ($_POST) Checking the request method seems more correct to me because that's what I really want to do. Is there some operational difference between the two or is this just a code clarity issue?

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Does github require each committer to have their own fork of the project?

- by mariosangiorgio

I'd like to try git (hosted on github) for a new project, but I have a doubt on how it works. I am working with another guy, do we need to have two forks of the project and then merge them every time one of us makes a change to the code or is it possible to work in pair on a single origin?

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Network update solutions for a company of ~20 (5 local, 15 remote)?

- by Margaret

Hi all This is probably going to be a bit up in the air, because we're still in the "reaching towards solutions" phase, but I figured I'd see what you guys had to say. Plus I honestly know very little about systems and what is good and bad pratice. My organisation has always more or less worked on the concept of local machines; since it primarily employed contractors who were working from home, each of those people was largely responsible for their own machine and backup procedures and the like. We're now expanding, though we're still reasonably small (we're up to about 20 staff members). Most people still work remotely, but we have a central office where about five people are working. But we're getting large enough that we're starting to think it would be a good idea to have a central file server, and things like that - if someone gets hit by a bus, we want someone else to know where to look for the files to continue their work. A lot of the people who work for us remotely work on projects for other companies as well, so I don't want to force them to log in to our server whenever they're on a network. But I do want to make connection to be as painless as possible to do so, to improve utilisation. The other thing is that we're getting more people who would like to remote into the office server and do their work there. Our current remote connection application is an SSH install that allows people access to the network; the problem is, it's a black box to me, and I've never understood how to even connect to it (despite supposedly being de facto sysadmin). Thus far I've been able to bounce questions about how to get it working to the guy who does know it well, but he's leaving the company soon. So we probably need a solution for this that I actually understand. We were knocking around the idea of implementing a VPN with some form of remote desktop, and someone mentioned that this was largely a matter of purchasing a router capable of it; I'm not sure of the truth of that statement. This is what we have in the office: Two shiny new i7 servers, each running Windows Server 2008. Precise eventual layout is still being debated, a little, but the current suggestion is that one is primary database crunching, while the other is a warm backup of the databases, along with running Reporting Services. They currently have SQL Server 2008 installed on them, which is being connected to via the 'sa' account. We're hoping to make each person use their own account (preferably one tied to the 'central' password we set up, so we can use Windows Authentication). An older server, running XP Pro, that we are currently using as a test bed for a project that requires access to older versions of software. This machine is also being used to take backups, but I'm thinking of moving that functionality elsewhere. A spare desktop from a guy who left the company (XP Pro). We're thinking of bumping up the hard disk space and using it as the magical file server that's going to solve one particular everything. Assorted desktops, laptops, etc, at least one for each person in the office (mix of Win XP and Win 7; occasionally a person who normally works remotely might drop in to the office and bring a laptop bearing Vista, but it's pretty rare). All are set up as local user accounts at the moment; I don't know if it's the best arrangement. Purchasing more hardware is not a big problem, but we figure we might as well make use of what we've got first. Is Active Directory a big magic wand that's going to solve all the world's problems? Is there some other arrangement we should be looking to instead?

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JMaghreb 2012 Trip Report

- by arungupta

JMaghreb is the inaugural Java conference organized by Morocco JUG. It is the biggest Java conference in Maghreb (5 countries in North West Africa). Oracle was the exclusive platinum sponsor with several others. The registrations had to be closed at 1412 for the free conference and several folks were already on the waiting list. Rabat with 531 registrations and Casablanca with 426 were the top cities. Some statistics ... 850+ attendees over 2 days, 500+ every day 30 sessions were delivered by 18 speakers from 10 different countries 10 sessions in French and 20 in English 6 of the speakers spoke at JavaOne 2012 8 will be at Devoxx Attendees from 5 different countries and 57 cities in Morocco 40.9% qualified them as professional and rest as students Topics ranged from HTML5, Java EE 7, ADF, JavaFX, MySQL, JCP, Vaadin, Android, Community, JCP Java EE 6 hands-on lab was sold out within 7 minutes and JavaFX in 12 minutes I gave the keynote along with Simon Ritter which was basically a recap of the Strategy and Technical keynotes presented at JavaOne 2012. An informal survey during the keynote showed the following numbers: 25% using NetBeans, 90% on Eclipse, 3 on JDeveloper, 1 on IntelliJ About 10 subscribers to free online Java magazine. This digital magazine is a comprehensive source of information for everything Java - subscribe for free!! About 10-15% using Java SE 7. Download JDK 7 and get started today! Even JDK 8 builds have been available for a while now. My second talk explained the core concepts of WebSocket and how JSR 356 is providing a standard API to build WebSocket-driven applications in Java EE 7. TOTD #183 explains how you can easily get started with WebSocket in GlassFish 4. The complete slide deck is available: Next day started with a community keynote by Sonya Barry. Some of us live the life of JCP, JSR, EG, EC, RI, etc every day, but not every body is. To address that, Sonya prepared an excellent introductory presentation providing an explanation of these terms and how java.net infrastructure supports Java development. The registration for the lab showed there is a definite demand for these technologies in this part of the world. I delivered the Java EE 6 hands-on lab to a packed room of about 120 attendees. Most of the attendees were able to progress and follow the lab instructions. Some of the attendees did not have a laptop but were taking extensive notes on paper notepads. Several attendees were already using Java EE 6 in their projects and typically they are the ones asking deep dive questions. Also gave out three copies of my recently released Java EE 6 Pocket Guide and new GlassFish t-shirts. Definitely feels happy to coach ~120 more Java developers learn standards-based enterprise Java programming. I also participated in a JCP BoF along with Werner, Sonya, and Badr. Adotp-a-JSR, java.net infrastructure, how to file a JSR, what is an RI, and other similar topics were discussed in a candid manner. You can follow @JMaghrebConf or check out their facebook page. java.net published a timely conversation with Badr El Houari - the fearless leader of the Morocco JUG team. Did you know that Morocco JUG stood for JCP EC elections (ADD LINK) ? Even though they did not get elected but did fairly well. Now some sample tweets from #JMaghreb ... #JMaghreb is over. Impressive for a first edition! Thanks @badrelhouari and all the @MoroccoJUG team ! Since you @speakjava : System.out.println("Thank you so much dear Tech Evangelist ! The JavaFX was pretty amazing !!! "); #JMaghreb @YounesVendetta @arungupta @JMaghrebConf Right ! hope he will be back to morocco again and again .. :) @Alji_ @arungupta @JMaghrebConf That dude is a genius ;) Put it on your wall :p @arungupta rocking Java EE 6 at @JMaghrebConf #Java #JavaEE #JMaghreb http://t.co/isl0Iq5p @sonyabarry you are an awesome speaker ;-) #JMaghreb rich more than 550 attendees in day one. Expecting more tomorrow! ongratulations @badrelhouari the organisation was great! The talks were pretty interesting, and the turnout was surprising at #JMaghreb! #JMaghreb is truly awesome... The speakers are unbelievable ! #JavaFX... Just amazing #JMaghreb Charmed by the talk about #javaFX ( nodes architecture, MVC, Lazy loading, binding... ) gotta start using it intead of SWT. #JMaghreb JavaFX is killing JFreeChart. It supports Charts a lot of kind of them ... #JMaghreb The british man is back #JMaghreb I do like him!! #JMaghreb @arungupta rocking @JMaghrebConf. pic.twitter.com/CNohA3PE @arungupta Great talk about the future of Java EE (JEE 7 & JEE 8) Thank you. #JMaghreb JEE7 more mooore power , leeess less code !! #JMaghreb They are simplifying the existing API for Java Message Service 2.0 #JMaghreb good to know , the more the code is simplified the better ! The Glassdoor guy #arungupta is doing it RIGHT ! #JMaghreb Great presentation of The Future of the Java Platform: Java EE 7, Java SE 8 & Beyond #jMaghreb @arungupta is a great Guy apparently #JMaghreb On a personal front, the hotel (Soiftel Jardin des Roses) was pretty nice and the location was perfect. There was a 1.8 mile loop dirt trail right next to it so I managed to squeeze some runs before my upcoming marathon. Also enjoyed some great Moroccan cuisine - Couscous, Tajine, mint tea, and moroccan salad. Visit to Kasbah of the Udayas, Hassan II (one of the tallest mosque in the world), and eating in a restaurant in a kasbah are some of the exciting local experiences. Now some pictures from the event (and around the city) ... And the complete album: Many thanks to Badr, Faisal, and rest of the team for organizing a great conference. They are already thinking about how to improve the content, logisitics, and flow for the next year. I'm certainly looking forward to JMaghreb 2.0 :-)

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Too Many Kittens To Juggle At Once

- by Bil Simser

Ahh, the Internet. That crazy, mixed up place where one tweet turns into a conversation between dozens of people and spawns a blogpost. This is the direct result of such an event this morning. It started innocently enough, with this: Then followed up by a blog post by Joel here. In the post, Joel introduces us to the term Business Solutions Architect with mad skillz like InfoPath, Access Services, Excel Services, building Workflows, and SSRS report creation, all while meeting the business needs of users in a SharePoint environment. I somewhat disagreed with Joel that this really wasn’t a new role (at least IMHO) and that a good Architect or BA should really be doing this job. As Joel pointed out when you’re building a SharePoint team this kind of role is often overlooked. Engineers might be able to build workflows but is the right workflow for the right problem? Michael Pisarek wrote about a SharePoint Business Architect a few months ago and it’s a pretty solid assessment. Again, I argue you really shouldn’t be looking for roles that don’t exist and I don’t suggest anyone create roles to hire people to fill them. That’s basically creating a solution looking for problems. Michael’s article does have some great points if you’re lost in the quagmire of SharePoint duties though (and I especially like John Ross’ quote “The coolest shit is worthless if it doesn’t meet business needs”). SharePoinTony summed it up nicely with “SharePoint Solutions knowledge is both lacking and underrated in most environments. Roles help”. Having someone on the team who can dance between a business user and a coder can be difficult. Remember the idea of telling something to someone and them passing it on to the next person. By the time the story comes round the circle it’s a shadow of it’s former self with little resemblance to the original tale. This is very much business requirements as they’re told by the user to a business analyst, written down on paper, read by an architect, tuned into a solution plan, and implemented by a developer. Transformations between what was said, what was heard, what was written down, and what was developed can be distant cousins. Not everyone has the skill of communication and even less have negotiation skills to suit the SharePoint platform. Negotiation is important because not everything can be (or should be) done in SharePoint. Sometimes it’s just not appropriate to build it on the SharePoint platform but someone needs to know enough about the platform and what limitations it might have, then communicate that (and/or negotiate) with a customer or user so it’s not about “You can’t have this” to “Let’s try it this way”. Visualize the possible instead of denying the impossible. So what is the right SharePoint team? My cromag brain came with a fairly simpleton answer (and I’m sure people will just say this is a cop-out). The perfect SharePoint team is just enough people to do the job that know the technology and business problem they’re solving. Bridge the gap between business need and technology platform and you have an architect. Communicate the needs of the business effectively so the entire team understands it and you have a business analyst. Can you get this with full time workers? Maybe but don’t expect miracles out of the gate. Also don’t take a consultant’s word as gospel. Some consultants just don’t have the diversity of the SharePoint platform to be worth their value so be careful. You really need someone who knows enough about SharePoint to be able to validate a consultants knowledge level. This is basically try for any consultant, not just a SharePoint one. Specialization is good and needed. A good, well-balanced SharePoint team is one of people that can solve problems with work with the technology, not against it. Having a top developer is great, but don’t rely on them to solve world hunger if they can’t communicate very well with users. An expert business analyst might be great at gathering requirements so the entire team can understand them, but if it means building 100% custom solutions because they don’t fit inside the SharePoint boundaries isn’t of much value. Just repeat. There is no silver bullet. There is no silver bullet. There is no silver bullet. A few people pointed out Nick Inglis’ article Excluding The Information Professional In SharePoint. It’s a good read too and hits home that maybe some developers and IT pros need some extra help in the information space. If you’re in an organization that needs labels on people, come up with something everyone understands and go with it. If that’s Business Solutions Architect, SharePoint Advisor, or Guy Who Knows A Lot About Portals, make it work for you. We all wish that one person could master all that is SharePoint but we also know that doesn’t scale very well and you quickly get into the hit-by-a-bus syndrome (with the organization coming to a full crawl when the guy or girl goes on vacation, gets sick, or pops out a baby). There are too many gaps in SharePoint knowledge to have any one person know it all and too many kittens to juggle all at once. We like to consider ourselves experts in our field, but trying to tackle too many roles at once and we end up being mediocre jack of all trades, master of none. Don't fall into this pit. It's a deep, dark hole you don't want to try to claw your way out of. Trust me. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. In the end I don’t disagree with Joel. SharePoint is a beast and not something that should be taken on by newbies. If you just read “Teach Yourself SharePoint in 24 Hours” and want to go build your corporate intranet or the next killer business solution with all your new found knowledge plan to pony up consultant dollars a few months later when everything goes to Hell in a handbasket and falls over. I’m not saying don’t build solutions in SharePoint. I’m just saying that building effective ones takes skill like any craft and not something you can just cobble together with a little bit of cursory knowledge. Thanks to *everyone* who participated in this tweet rush. It was fun and educational.

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Feedback Filtration–Processing Negative Comments for Positive Gains

- by D'Arcy Lussier

After doing 7 conferences, 5 code camps, and countless user group events, I feel that this is a post I need to write. I actually toyed with other names for this post, however those names would just lend itself to the type of behaviour I want people to avoid – the reactionary, emotional response that speaks to some deeper issue beyond immediate facts and context. Humans are incredibly complex creatures. We’re also emotional, which serves us well in certain situations but can hinder us in others. Those of us in leadership build up a thick skin because we tend to encounter those reactionary, emotional responses more often, and we’re held to a higher standard because of our positions. While we could react with emotion ourselves, as the saying goes – fighting fire with fire just makes a bigger fire. So in this post I’ll share my thought process for dealing with negative feedback/comments and how you can still get value from them. The Thought Process Let’s take a real-world example. This week I held the Prairie IT Pro & Dev Con event. We’ve gotten a lot of session feedback already, most of it overwhelmingly positive. But some not so much – and some to an extreme I rarely see but isn’t entirely surprising to me. So here’s the example from a person we’ll refer to as Mr. Horrible: How was the speaker? Horrible! Worst speaker ever! Did the session meet your expectations? Hard to tell, speaker ruined it. Other Comments: DO NOT bring this speaker back! He was at this conference last year and I hoped enough negative feedback would have taught you to not bring him back...obviously not...I will not return to this conference next year if this speaker is brought back. Now those are very strong words. “Worst speaker ever!” “Speaker ruined it” “I will not return to this conference next year if the speaker is brought back”. The speakers I invite to speak at my conference are not just presenters but friends and colleagues. When I see this, my initial reaction is of course very emotional: I get defensive, I get angry, I get offended. So that’s where the process kicks in. Step 1 – Take a Deep Breath Take a deep breath, calm down, and walk away from the keyboard. I didn’t do that recently during an email convo between some colleagues and it ended up in my reacting emotionally on Twitter – did I mention those colleagues follow my Twitter feed? Yes, I ate some crow. Ok, now that we’re calm, let’s move on to step 2. Step 2 – Strip off the Emotion We need to take off the emotion that people wrap their words in and identify the root issues. For instance, if I see: “I hated this session, the presenter was horrible! He spoke so fast I couldn’t make out what he was saying!” then I drop off the personal emoting (“I hated…”) and the personal attack (“the presenter was horrible”) and focus on the real issue this person had – that the speaker was talking too fast. Now we have a root cause of the displeasure. However, we’re also dealing with humans who are all very different. Before I call up the speaker to talk about his speaking pace, I need to do some other things first. Back to our Mr. Horrible example, I don’t really have much to go on. There’s no details of how the speaker “ruined” the session or why he’s the “worst speaker ever”. In this case, the next step is crucial. Step 3 – Validate the Feedback When I tell people that we really like getting feedback for the sessions, I really really mean it. Not just because we want to hear what individuals have to say but also because we want to know what the group thought. When a piece of negative feedback comes in, I validate it against the group. So with the speaker Mr. Horrible commented on, I go to the feedback and look at other people’s responses: 2 x Excellent 1 x Alright 1 x Not Great 1 x Horrible (our feedback guy) That’s interesting, it’s a bit all over the board. If we look at the comments more we find that the people who rated the speaker excellent liked the presentation style and found the content valuable. The one guy who said “Not Great” even commented that there wasn’t anything really wrong with the presentation, he just wasn’t excited about it. In that light, I can try to make a few assumptions: - Mr. Horrible didn’t like the speakers presentation style - Mr. Horrible was expecting something else that wasn’t communicated properly in the session description - Mr. Horrible, for whatever reason, just didn’t like this presenter Now if the feedback was overwhelmingly negative, there’s a different pattern – one that validates the negative feedback. Regardless, I never take something at face value. Even if I see really good feedback, I never get too happy until I see that there’s a group trend towards the positive. Step 4 – Action Plan Once I’ve validated the feedback, then I need to come up with an action plan around it. Let’s go back to the other example I gave – the one with the speaker going too fast. I went and looked at the feedback and sure enough, other people commented that the speaker had spoken too quickly. Now I can go back to the speaker and let him know so he can get better. But what if nobody else complained about it? I’d still mention it to the speaker, but obviously one person’s opinion needs to be weighed as such. When we did PrDC Winnipeg in 2011, I surveyed the attendees about the food. Everyone raved about it…except one person. Am I going to change the menu next time for that one person while everyone else loved it? Of course not. There’s a saying – A sure way to fail is to try to please everyone. Let’s look at the Mr. Horrible example. What can I communicate to the speaker with such limited information provided in the feedback from Mr. Horrible? Well looking at the groups feedback, I can make a few suggestions: - Ensure that people understand in the session description the style of the talk - Ensure that people understand the level of detail/complexity of the talk and what prerequisite knowledge they should have I’m looking at it as possibly Mr. Horrible assumed a much more advanced talk and was disappointed, while the positive feedback by people who – from their comments – suggested this was all new to them, were thrilled with the session level. Step 5 – Follow Up For some feedback, I follow up personally. Especially with negative or constructive feedback, its important to let the person know you heard them and are making changes because of their comments. Even if their comments were emotionally charged and overtly negative, it’s still important to reach out personally and professionally. When you remove the emotion, negative comments can be the best feedback you get. Also, people have bad days. We’ve all had one of “those days” where we talked more sternly than normal to someone, or got angry at something we’d normally shrug off. We have various stresses in our lives and sometimes they seep out in odd ways. I always try to give some benefit of the doubt, and re-evaluate my view of the person after they’ve responded to my communication. But, there is such a thing as garbage feedback. What Mr. Horrible wrote is garbage. It’s mean spirited. It’s hateful. It provides nothing constructive at all. And a tell-tale sign that feedback is garbage – the person didn’t leave their name even though there was a field for it. Step 6 – Delete It Feedback must be processed in its raw form, and the end products should drive improvements. But once you’ve figured out what those things are, you shouldn’t leave raw feedback lying around. They are snapshots in time that taken alone can be damaging. Also, you should never rest on past praise. In a future blog post, I’m going to talk about how we can provide great feedback that, even when its critical, can still be constructive.

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Rapid Evolution of Society & Technology

- by Michael Snow

We caught up with Brian Solis on the phone the other day and Christie Flanagan had a chance to chat with him and learn a bit more about him and some of the concepts he'll be addressing in our Social Business Thought Leaders Webcast on Thursday 12/13/12. «--- Interview with Brian Solis Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii- mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast- mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi- mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} Be sure and register for this week's webcast ---» ------------------- Guest post by Brian Solis. Reposted (Borrowed) from his posting of May 24, 2012 Dear [insert business name], what’s your promise? - Brian Solis You say you want to get closer to customers, but your actions are different than your words. You say you want to “surprise and delight” customers, but your product development teams are too busy building against a roadmap without consideration of the 5th P of marketing…people. Your employees are your number one asset, however the infrastructure of the organization has turned once optimistic and ambitious intrapreneurs into complacent cogs or worse, your greatest detractors. You question the adoption of disruptive technology by your internal champions yet you’ve not tried to find the value for yourself. You’re a change agent and you truly wish to bring about change, but you’ve not invested time or resources to answer “why” in your endeavors to become a connected or social business. If we are to truly change, we must find purpose. We must uncover the essence of our business and the value it delivers to traditional and connected consumers. We must rethink the spirit of today’s embrace and clearly articulate how transformation is going to improve customer and employee experiences and relationships now and over time. Without doing so, any attempts at evolution will be thwarted by reality. In an era of Digital Darwinism, no business is too big to fail or too small to succeed. These are undisciplined times which require alternative approaches to recognize and pursue new opportunities. But everything begins with acknowledging the 360 view of the world that you see today is actually a filtered view of managed and efficient convenience. Today, many organizations that were once inspired by innovation and engagement have fallen into a process of marketing, operationalizing, managing, and optimizing. That might have worked for the better part of the last century, but for the next 10 years and beyond, new vision, leadership and supporting business models will be written to move businesses from rigid frameworks to adaptive and agile entities. I believe that today’s executives will undergo a great test; a test of character, vision, intention, and universal leadership. It starts with a simple, but essential question…what is your promise? Notice, I didn’t ask about your brand promise. Nor did I ask for you to cite your mission and vision statements. This is much more than value propositions or manufactured marketing language designed to hook audiences and stakeholders. I asked for your promise to me as your consumer, stakeholder, and partner. This isn’t about B2B or B2C, but instead, people to people, person to person. It is this promise that will breathe new life into an organization that on the outside, could be misdiagnosed as catatonic by those who are disrupting your markets. A promise, for example, is meant to inspire. It creates alignment. It serves as the foundation for your vision, mission, and all business strategies and it must come from the top to mean anything. For without it, we cannot genuinely voice what it is we stand for or stand behind. Think for a moment about the definition of community. It’s easy to confuse a workplace or a market where everyone simply shares common characteristics. However, a community in this day and age is much more than belonging to something, it’s about doing something together that makes belonging matter The next few years will force a divide where companies are separated by intention as measured by actions and words. But, becoming a social business is not enough. Becoming more authentic and transparent doesn’t serve as a mantra for a renaissance. A promise is the ink that inscribes the spirit of the relationship between you and me. A promise serves as the words that influence change from within and change beyond the halls of our business. It is the foundation for a renewed embrace, one that must then find its way to every aspect of the organization. It’s the difference between a social business and an adaptive business. While an adaptive business can also be social, it is the culture of the organization that strives to not just use technology to extend current philosophies or processes into new domains, but instead give rise to a new culture where striving for relevance is among its goals. The tools and networks simply become enablers of a greater mission You are reading this because you believe in something more than what you’re doing today. While you fight for change within your organization, remember to aim for a higher purpose. Organizations that strive for innovation, imagination, and relevance will outperform those that do not. Part of your job is to lead a missionary push that unites the groundswell with a top down cascade. Change will only happen because you and other internal champions see what others can’t and will do what other won’t. It takes resolve. It takes the ability to translate new opportunities into business value. And, it takes courage. “This is a very noisy world, so we have to be very clear what we want them to know about us”-Steve Jobs ----------------------------------------------------------------- So -- where do you begin to evaluate the kind of experience you are delivering for your customers, partners, and employees? Take a look at this White Paper: Creating a Successful and Meaningful Customer Experience on the Web and then have a cup of coffee while you listen to the sage advice of Guy Kawasaki in a short video below. An interview with Guy Kawasaki on Maximizing Social Media Channels

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You Might Be a DBA

- by BuckWoody

With all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I was up late Friday night on a holiday weekend (which translated into T-SQL becomes “Maintenance Window”) and I got bored in between the two or three minutes I had between clicks. So I started a “Twitter” meme – and it just took off. I haven’t cleaned these up much, but here, in author order as of Saturday the 29th of May is the list “You might be a DBA” from around the Twitterverse: buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have children older than the rest of your team #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You and the Oracle DBA would kill each other, but you'll happily fight off a developer together first #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've threatened to quit if they give anyone the sa password on production #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You refer to co-workers as "carbon-units" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Being paranoid is on your resume at the top #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Everyone comes to your cube to find the MSDN DVD's #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've worn down developers to get your way by explaining normalization levels #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You refer to clothes as "Data Abstractions" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Users pester you to be able to put data in a database, then they pester you to take it out and put it in Excel #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Others try to de-duplicate data, you try to copy it to more than three locations #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have at least one DLT tape in the trunk of your car #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your spouse knows what "ETL" means #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've referred to yourself as the "Data Janitor" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You don't have positive connotations of the word "upgrade" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You get your coffee before you check your servers, because you know you won't get any if you don't #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You always come to work through the back door so no one hijacks you on the way to your cube #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You check your server logs before you check your e-mail in the morning so you can reply "Yeah, I already fixed that." #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have more conference badges than clean socks #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your coffee mug says "It depends" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You can convince a boss that you need 16GB of RAM in your laptop #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've used ebay to find production equipment #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know when your company is acquiring another even before the CFO #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You call aspirin "work vitamins" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You get the same amount of sleep even after you have a child #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You obsess about performance metrics from over one year ago #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody The first thing you buy after the database software is aftermarket tools to manage the database software #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've tried to convince someone else to become a DBA #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You only know other DBA's by their Tweet Handle #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've explained the difference between 32 and 64-bit to more than one manager in terms they can understand, using puppets #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've driven to the Datacenter to install SQL Server because "you don't trust those NOC admins" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You pay more for faster Internet connections than cable at home so you don't have to drive in #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You call texting a "queuing system" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know that if someone can read Perl, they manage an Oracle system #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have an e-mail rule for backup notifications #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your food pyramid includes coffee, salt and fat #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You wish everything had a graphical query plan #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You refactor your e-mails #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've written blog posts on technology you've never actually implemented in production #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody @MidnightDBA Click the #youmightbeaDBA tag. I've had WAY too much coffee today. buckwoody There is no other position that is 1-deep except you and the CEO #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody When you watch "The Office" you call it "OJT" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your blog would make a "best practices" or "worst practices" book #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody The first thing you install on your netbook is SSMS #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your watch is set to UTC because it's just easier #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody There are just as many females in your technical field as males #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You refer to time as a "Clustered Index" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think a millisecond is a really long time #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You're sitting and typing #youmightbeaDBA when you could be outside #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You can't wait for a technical conference so you can wear a kilt - and you're not Scottish #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know that "DBA" stands for "Default Blame Acceptor" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know what "the truth, thole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Codd" means #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You can't talk fast enough to get a concept out of your head so you tweet it instead #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You cry when someone doesn't use a WHERE clause #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think "Set theory" is not an verb but a noun #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You try to convince random strangers to vote on your Connect item #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think 3 hours of contiguous sleep is a good thing #youmightbeaDBA or #youmightbeamother buckwoody You don't like Oracle, and not just because of what she did to Neo #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know when to say "sequel" and "s-q-l" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know where the data is #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You refer to your children as "Fully Redundant Mirrors" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your laptop is more powerful than the servers in most companies - including your own #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You capitalize SELECTed words #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You cringe in public when the word "upgrade" is used in a sentence #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody All Data Is MetaData means something to you #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You've never seen the driveway to your house in the daylight #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Most of your bloodstream is composed of caffeine #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody Your task list is labeled "CRUD Matrix" #youmightbeaDBA buckwoody You call your wife/husband a "Linked Server" #youmightbeaDBA anonythemouse When someone tells you they are going to take a dump and you wonder of which database then #youmightbeaDBA anonythemouse When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend and you are working #youmightbeaDBA anonythemouse When you sit down at a table and look for it's primary key #youmightbeaDBA anonythemouse When getting milk from the fridge you check the expiry date is > getdate() #youmightbeaDBA blakmk when you wake up dreaming about sql #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver You think a @buckwoody bobblehead would be a cool thing to have on the dashboard of your car #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver Your friends don't understand why you think there's a difference between single and double quotes #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver Even the newest employees know your name from all the downtime notices you've sent out #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver You sometimes feel anxious and think "I should test restoring those backups" and then the feeling passes #youmightbeadba CharlesGarver You know what a co-worker means when they ask "how is your squirrel server?" #youmightbeadba CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver You're willing to move someone's job up in priority for a box of #voodoodonuts #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver Each person in your company seems to think you work for THEM #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver You have a Love/Hate relationship going on with #Microsoft #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver People ask you to troubleshoot their Access program #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver The first words you hear in the morning are 'your voicemail box is full' #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver The thought of disrupting 500 people's work so you can do something doesn't phase you #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver Your home computer is backed up in 3 different places #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver Your wardrobe for work includes pajamas #youmightbeaDBA CharlesGarver Someone tells you to look in the INDEX and you look puzzled before finally going to the back of the book. #youmightbeaDBA chuckboycejr If you have ever set up a SQLAgent job to email your mobile phone to serve as an alarm clock #youmightbeaDBA chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA chuckboycejr If you'd wrestle a SysAdmin to the ground to implement #DPA best practices as per @aspiringgeek #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy I need to be up in 7 hours, so I'm off to bed! I'll have to read the rest of @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA posts in the AM. (g'night Buck!) databaseguy When people ask you about your house, the first thing you describe is the network. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy The last thing you say at the office each day is, "is anybody else here? I'm shutting off the lights!" #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy Your blood pressure rises when you read application specs drafted by marketing. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy A good day at work is one when nobody pays you no mind. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You care about latches and wait states. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have worked over 200 hours on a performance tuning project that required no application changes at all. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy The late-night security guard knows the names of your spouse and kids. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have had vigorous debates about whether it should be pronounced "sequel" or "ess-queue-ell". #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have VPN and RDP software installed on your phone ... just in case. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have edited a data file by hand, just to see what would happen. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You decorate your office walls with database catalog posters. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You've built programs that access data just to keep other developers from asking you to run queries all the time. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy When you watch movies like The Matrix, you find yourself calculating the fasibility of storing all that data. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have tried to convince someone to spend money on an SSD storage array. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy When CPU is spiked on a server, you want to gather forensic evidence. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have to remind developers not to push code to production without checking if the database is ready. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy Nobody cares what you wear to work, as long as the thing keeps running. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy Telepathy is a job requirement when working with app dev teams. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You read database statistics for the educational value. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy And your boss freely admits this to anyone within earshot. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy Your boss cannot explain or understand what you do. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You envision ERDs when you see a GUI. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You say things like "applications come and go, but data lasts forever." #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You have memorized the names of several of the AdventureWorks employees. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You know what MAXDOP setting you can get away with for a big query based on current server load. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy And you immediately recognize the recursion in my last tweet. #youmightbeaDBA databaseguy You find 50 simultaneous tweets from @buckwoody about #youmightbeaDBA :O) DBAishness You have "funny stories" about the times your developers accidentally deleted the T-log in their test environment. #youmightbeaDBA DBAishness Planning to slice and dice your MDW data with PowerPivot makes you giggle like a schoolgirl. #youmightbeaDBA donalddotfarmer You think @buckwoody lives in the "real world." #youmightbeaDBA jamach09 @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA Why go outside when you can sit in the nice cool server room? jamach09 If you refer to procreation as "Replication", #youmightbeaDBA. jamach09 If you think ORM is a four-letter word, #youmightbeaDBA JamesMarsh If you have ever preached the value of Source Code Control, #YouMightBeADBA jethrocarr @venzann You store your shopping list in a ACID compliant DB #youmightbeaDBA joe_positive @buckwoody thought it stood for "Don't Bother Asking" #youmightbeaDBA joe_positive when you check your IT Events Calendar before making weekend plans #youmightbeaDBA LadyRuna You cringe whenever someone calls Excel a database #youmightbeaDBA LadyRuna When the waiter says he'll be your server today, you ask how many terabytes he is #youmightbeaDBA LadyRuna you always call the asterisk a "Star" #youmightbeaDBA LadyRuna You walk into a server room, say "Nice RACK!" and everyone there knows you're talking about server rack... #youmightbeaDBA LadyRuna You receive more messages from servers than from friends #youmightbeaDBA LadyRuna hmmm... #youmightbeaDBA if your recipe for gumbo is "SELECT * FROM Refrigerator" markjholmes @SQLSoldier Heh. #youmightbeaDBA if you correct other DBAs' spelling of @PaulRandal markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you actually test RAID5 vs RAID10 on your SAN because when it comes to configuration, "it depends." markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you have at least 3 definitions of the word "cluster" MarlonRibunal 3 Words: @BrentO, snicker, & Access #youmightbeaDBA MarlonRibunal @onpnt @mikeSQL my appeal was a couple of mins late. Enjoying #youmightbeaDBA MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL @onpnt pls, don't mention bacon #youmightbeaDBA merv @buckwoody You HATE 3-way joins #youmightbeaDBA MidnightDBA If you're up at midnight Tweeting about SQL #youmightbeaDBA MidnightDBA @buckwoody I'd noticed that. :) #youmightbeaDBA mikeSQL when people talk about "their type" you're thinking varchar, bigint, binary, etc #youmightbeadba mikeSQL people ask you to go to lunch , but you can't go because you're attending #SQLlunch #youmightbeadba mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba mrdenny If you think that @buckwoody's demo using PowerPivot to analyze index usage data from DMVs is awesome then #youmightbeaDBA mrdenny You wish @PaulRandal still worked at Microsoft so that they would make a bobble head of him #youmightbeadba mrdenny When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, and your posting stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba mrdenny If you go out with friends and wonder why no one's wearing a kilt then #YouMightBeADBA mrdenny You can't do basic math, but you know off the top of your head how many CALs $14,412 can buy you. #YoumightbeaDBA mrdenny If you've ever setup a SQL Job to email you to get you out of a regularly scheduled meeting #YouMightBeADBA. mrdenny You throw up in your mouth a little when ever you here the word "Access". Even if it doesn't relate to a MS product. #YouMightBeADBA msdtjones You spend more time listening to @buckwoody than your wife #youmightbeaDBA NFDotCom You perform "hail deltas" on a regular basis. #YouMightBeADBA NoelMcKinney If you tell your wife you want to go to Columbus Ohio for your wedding anniversary so you can attend #sqlsat42 then #youmightbeaDBA NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA NoelMcKinney Someone asks you to throw another log on the fire and you tell them not to worry about it because Autogrowth is turned on #youmightbeaDBA Nuurdygirl Even if you have a girlfriend...its possible #youmightbeadba. Yeah-i said its possible! Nuurdygirl When your girlfriend has to lean around the laptop to kiss you goodnight #youmightbeadba Old_Man_Fish If you worry about how big your package is and how long it takes to finish #youmightbeaDBA Old_Man_Fish If you no longer wonder if someone is in trouble or died if you are getting calls at 2AM #youmightbeaDBA Old_Man_Fish If, when you hear the word ACCESS with no connotation you blood pressure jumps 50 points, #youmightbeaDBA onpnt When you hear the word inject you immediately get concerned if your databases are OK #youmightbeaDBA onpnt Your servers haven't been rebooted in a year #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You know why it's funny when @PaulRandal has the word, "Sheep" in a tweet #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You have read BOL without actually having a problem to figure out #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You can type "SELECT columns FROM tables" without typos but tipen ni Banglish ares a messis #youmightbeaDBA onpnt DR strategies doesn't include the word, RAID in them #youmightbeaDBA onpnt you can move a SQL Server instance to a new server without the users ever knowing #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You have made an SSIS package that is more than one step #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You have the balls to say no to your boss when they ask for the sa password #youmightbeaDBA onpnt you google to trouble shoot a problem and end up at your own blog (and it fixes it) #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You talk your wife into moving the family vacation a week earlier so you can attend the areas local SSUG meeting #youmightbeaDBA onpnt you can explain to a nontechnical person what a deadlock is #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You hope a girl asks you what your collation is #youmightbeaDBA onpnt you make jokes that include the words shrink, truncate and 1205. And you are the only one that laughs at them #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You rate your ability to stay awake to work longer on blogs, twitter, forums and your day to day job with the 5 9's goal #youmightbeaDBA onpnt you have major surgery and beg the doctor to release you back to work 5 days later because you miss your servers #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory onpnt You do have backups and you know how to use them #youmightbeaDBA onpnt It's the network #youmightbeaDBA onpnt When the developers get to work your mood changes rapidly #youmightbeaDBA onpnt When someone says, "PASS", you first think of karaoke #youmightbeaDBA onpnt Recruiters try to get you to call them *just* because they think you'll give them @BrentO contact info #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You chuckle every time you go to grab the "CLR" Calcium, Lime and Rust Remover to clean something #youmightbeaDBA onpnt @MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL Sorry man, it was already in motion ;-) #youmightbeaDBA onpnt When you have an "I love bacon" sticker on your laptop. #youmightbeaDBA http://twitpic.com/1ry671 onpnt You sing SELECT statements in the shower #youmightbeaDBA onpnt When you see a chicken it doesn't remind you of food. It reminds you of a guy named Jorge #youmightbeaDBA onpnt At time, SQL is your mistress #youmightbeaDBA onpnt Your wife wonders if SQL is the code name of your mistress at times #youmightbeaDBA onpnt it's Friday and you are on twitter thinking really hard about what would be funny for hash tag #youmightbeaDBA onpnt You organize your wife's "decorative"pillows on the bed in a B-Tree structure #youmightbeaDBA PaulWhiteNZ If you: SELECT TOP (1) milk FROM fridge WHERE use_by_date >= GET_DATE() ORDER BY use_by_date ASC #YouMightBeaDBA RonDBA #youmightbeaDBA if you read @buckwoody's and @BrentO's blogs. ryaneastabrook @buckwoody omg, you have to stand up a website with these on them, they are awesome #youmightbeaDBA soulvy @StrateSQL @LadyRuna Or a "Splat" #youmightbeaDBA speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA speedracer You retweet @buckwoody on a Friday night #youmightbeaDBA speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA speedracer Developers make you twitch #youmightbeaDBA sqlagentman You know what X/1024*8 is. #YouMightBeADBA SqlAsylum Your still in the office at 5:00 on memorial day weekend. #youmightbeadba :) SQLBob Whenever someone you know gets pregnant you bring up INNER JOINs or SQL Injection attacks... #youmightbeaDBA SQLChicken You know one or more SQL folks in the community with an animal in their username #youmightbeaDBA SQLChicken You've used one or more car analogies to explain how a database works #youmightbeaDBA SQLChicken “@sqljoe: #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you” lmao nice! SQLChicken When talking about SSIS your discussions break down into various jokes about packages #youmightbeaDBA SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman You really own a "Stick of Much Developer Whacking" #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you wished your wife knew T-sql. USE ShoppingList SELECT NecessaryItems from Supermarket WHERE Category<> ("junk food") sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if the first thing you kiss when you wake up is your mobile for not waking you up in the middle of the night sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your wife has a "Do Not Fly" family vacation list of her own including your laptop and mobile sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have researched for DBA Anonymous groups and attended a #SSUG willing to drop your database (vice) sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your only maintenance windows are staff meetings sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think of yourself as "The One" in The Matrix "balancing the equation" from The Architect's (developers) poor coding sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think @PaulRandal should have played the Oracle in The Matrix sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if home CD & Movie collection is stored in secured containers,in logical order & naming convention,and with a backup copy sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have tried to TiVo @MidnightDBA broadcasts sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your #sql user group feels like #AA meetings sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you thought of bringing your #sql books to #sqlsaturday and #sqlpass for autographs sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if #sqlpass feels like the #oscars sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you are proud of your small package SQLLawman #youmightbeaDBA when you hear MDX and Acura is not first thought that comes to mind. sqlrunner If your wife double checks that there isn't a SQLSat within 200 miles of your vacation destination #youmightbeaDBA sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA sqlrunner You treat the word 'access' as a verb, not a noun #youmightbeaDBA sqlrunner If you are happy with sub-second performance #youmightbeaDBA sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba sqlrunner Your company set's up international phone coverage for your cruise #youmightbeaDBA sqlsamson @buckwoody if your manager asks you for data and you respond with "there's a script for that" #youmightbeadba sqlsamson @buckwoody If you receive more messages from your server then your spouse #youmightbeadba SQLSoldier You've spent all night Valentines Day upgrading the SQL Servers and forgot to tell your wife you'd be working late. #youmightbeadba SQLSoldier You're flattered when someone calls you a geek. #youmightbeadba SQLSoldier @llangit @mrdenny it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, & your reading stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba SQLSoldier Your manager borrows lunch money from you because your salary is 30% higher than his. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You think "intellisense" is a double negative because it's not intelligent nor makes sense. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier 75% of the emails you receive at home have the phrase "now following you on Twitter!" in the subject line. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You petition Ken Burns to remake Office Space because it should have been 18 hours long. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You select a candidate for a Jr DBA position because his resume said he's willing to get your coffee. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Somebody misquotes @PaulRandall and you call him on your cell to verify. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You wish the elevator in your building was slower because it's the last time you'll be left alone all day. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier The developers sacrifice small animals before giving you their code for review. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Developers bring you coffee and a BLT when you review their code. #youmightbeaDBA #IWish SQLSoldier You can get out of any family get-together by saying you have to work and nobody questions it. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You've requested a HP Superdome for you "test" box. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier A dev. asks if you've heard about some great new feature in SQL and you show the 16 blog posts you wrote on it ... last year #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You use a cell phone service coverage map to plan your next vacation. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You come in to work at 7 AM because it gives you at least 3 hours without any developers around. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You figure out a way to make take your wife on a cruise and deduct it as a business expense. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlcruise SQLSoldier You name your cat SQLDog because the name @SQLCat was already taken. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You rate your blog posts based on the number of retweets you get. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You disable random logins just to mess with people. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You fall for the pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your think the 4 food groups are coffee, bacon, fast food, and Mountain Dew. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You tell someone your job title and they ask "What?" You describe it and they ask "What?". So you say "computer geek". #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier The #1 referrer to your blog is Twitter.com. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your idea of a good time on a Saturday involves free training. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlsat43 SQLSoldier You write a book that all of your co-workers have and none have read it. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You write a book that sells a couple thousand copies and is heralded a best seller. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier No matter how sick you are, you go to work if it's time to pass the pager on to the next guy. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory SQLSoldier You go out on the town, and strangers walk up to you and say, "Hey you're that SQL guy" #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory SQLSoldier Your wife asks you to fix something, and you request a downtime window. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your best pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You list TSQL as your native language on the 2010 census. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Starbucks' stock price drops every time you go on vacation. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You're happy when the web master says that the website is down. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You get mad when someone calls your car a "heap" because you've always considered it to be a "clustered index". #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier Your blog has more hits than your company's website. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You systematically remove the asterisk key from all keyboards in the company except yours. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier When asked if you recycle, you reply that you run sp_cycle_errorlog every night at midnight #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You wouldn't allow someone named @AdamMachanic to work on your car. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You switch offices every 3 days to avoid developers #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier PSS has your number on speed dial. #youmightbeaDBA SQLSoldier You frown when you they tell Neo that he's going to the Oracle #youmightbeaDBA swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA Tarwn A pleasurable saturday means spending the day learning more about what you already do the rest of the week #youmightbeaDBA ...oh, wait... thelostforum For great justice; all our base are belong to YOU !! #youmightbeadba thelostforum @SQLSoldier: You need a witness to use a mirror #youmightbeaDBA ;) TimCost you capitalize key words. always. everywhere. you can't help it, usually don't even notice. #youmightbeaDBA Toshana Your the only one in your company not impressed with the developers new application. #youmightbeaDBA venzann Coming soon from a (respected) book publisher - @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets... venzann I love the #youmightbeaDBA tag. Found at least 6 new DBAs to follow.. venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets... venzann You use #sqlhelp as a primary resource during troubleshooting #youmightbeaDBA venzann You insist on stricter password security for your sql servers than you implement on your own laptop #youmightbeaDBA WesBrownSQL @buckwoody you are up so late the only tweets you see are from @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA WesBrownSQL @SQLSoldier you are upgrading all your 2005 prod servers to 2008 R2 on a three day weekend... #youmightbeaDBA zippy1981 #youmightbeaDBA if everytime you do something with #mongodb you think of the Vulcan proverb "only Nixon could go to China." Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | reddit! | kick it! | live it!

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Enabling SFTP Access within PLESK

- by spelley

Hello everyone, I have a client who wants to ensure his upload is secure, so we are trying to enable SFTP for him on our Linux PLESK server. I have enabled SSH access to bin/bash for FTP accounts, and created a new user. When I attempt to SFTP using either the IP address or the domain name, this is the error FileZilla is giving me: Error: Authentication failed. Error: Critical error Error: Could not connect to server Here is some basic information regarding the server: Operating system Linux 2.6.24.5-20080421a Plesk Control Panel version psa v8.6.0_build86080930.03 os_CentOS 5 I had read in some places that I should reboot the SSH Service in Server - Services, however, there is no SSH Service within the list. I'm not really a server guy so it's quite possible I'm missing something obvious. Thanks for any help that you guys can provide!

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Cisco VPN Connection - No internet no nothing

- by Kevin

Hi all, Sorry if this has been posted, I tried searching but I am not exactly sure what I am looking for, I am a developer not a networking guy. We have a client whom we need to use Cisco VPN client to connect to their servers. I have installed the software, dropped in the provided .pcf file, and I can connect. However, when I do, I lose all local and internet capabilities, no hosts resolve, and I still can't connect to their internal FTP and development sites. This leads me to believe either a setting is wrong in my Cisco software, and/or their network is not correctly configured. Does anyone know anything about Cisco VPN'ing that can give me a hand? My colleague seems to indicate that they need to enable split tunneling on their end (or a similar setting).

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SysAdmin Career Question: Internal or Client Based

- by Malnizzle

ServerFault Community, It seems there are two positions SysAdmins find themselves in, either you are working for a non-IT services based single client (your employer) and providing in-house IT support or you work for a company who provides out sourced IT services to multiple clients. Right now I work for a company who does the latter, and I often consider how nice it would be doing the in-house side of things, to just have one network I am focused on and instead of feeling like I have a dozen bosses between clients and internal management, I would just have one set of management and people to appease. There is also the technical aspect of every client wanting something different, and having to manage numerous different technology platforms, or trying to force clients into using the technologies we prefer, neither situation is enjoyable. Is this just "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome, or is there some legitimacy to the the stress of client based IT work compared to being an in-house IT guy? Thanks!

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ADSL Modem Goes Slower Than Dialup

- by peter

Hi All, I have two ADSL modems, the first one does not have wireless, but is configured and working fine at around 6 - 7 mbps (ADSL) on Orcon in New Zealand. I bought a Belkin N150 wireless router to replace the first one. I configured it exactly the same as the first one, but a speed test confirms that it is running slower than dial up. One difference I noticed is that the first modem (a linksys) came from Orcon, and didn't have an ADSL username and password set up. The Belkin modem on the other hand wouldn't let me leave the username and password field blank. Any ideas? I am a techy guy, so it doesn't appear to be anything obvious with the settings I have missed. Thanks.

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FTP ASCII file from Windows to Mainframe (iSeries) — special characters

- by MikeM

I have a text file created on a Windows machine, the page coding used on the file is 1252 This file is then ftp'd to an iSeries machine for processing As far as I can see, it appears on the iSeries. It has a CCSID of 037. Sometimes this file contains French characters (e.g. é). When this happens, the FTP will fail with a truncation error as the french character gets converted to some extra junk: ï¿½. The file is fixed block so the line does get truncated due to the one character turning into 3. I can convert the French characters to characters without the accents before sending but would prefer to keep everything intact. So is there a way to retain them and send the file over properly? I'm very green on iSeries, mainly a Windows guy.

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Server Administration

- by Kassem

Hi everyone, My client asked me for a job description of a system administration because I might be assigned this position along with the other guy I'm working with. To be honest, I do not know much about a System Administrator's job but I'm willing to learn. Questions: What are the security requirements of a server? * What are the key responsibilities in a system admin's job description? What are some of the day to day tasks of a system admin? What is the average monthly salary of a system admin? Note: I will be working inside a Windows environment. But your replies do not necessarily need to be constricted to a Windows environment. (*) Other software I know will be required are: Windows Server 2008 IIS 7.0 MS SQL Server .NET 4.0 Runtime Let me know if there are other things I should be aware of as well. Thanks!

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Symmetrix gatekeepers on Solaris 10

- by Milner

I have some Solaris machines that are connected to EMC Symmetrix for SAN storage. Apparently the Symm has a gatekeeper device that is used with the symmetrix CLI. We don't need the CLI, but I have these gatekeeper devices that constantly fill /var/adm/messages and the like with corrupt label errors. Is there anything I can do (short of deleting the devices on machine start) to get rid of them? Or should I just try to get our SAN guy to get the installer for the CLI? These things are getting annoying, and the devfsadmd daemon keeps rediscovering them on boot.

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Fixing Windows 7 hibernation

- by 80skeys

I've been mucking around with the partitions on my laptop (I'm an experienced Linux/grub guy) and have somehow ended up affecting the ability of Windows 7 to go into hibernate mode. All other functionality seems to be okay. But when I press Hibernate, it behaves as if it starts to (screen goes dark, a little disk activity) but never powers off and if I move the mouse the login screen instantly comes up. I don't know if Window uses a separate partition for hibernation? There is a 200MB partition on the drive - I seem to recall it was related to diagnostics or some other Windows- boot menu stuff. In any case, wondering if there's some commands I can run to restore the ability to hibernate and also which partitions need to be marked "active" and if there's anything I need to do to the MBR of the hard drive or the MBR of the Windows partition? As I said, Windows boots fine as long as it is designated the Active partition. I just need to fix Hibernation.

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ADSL Modem Goes Slower Than Dialup

- by peter

Hi All, I have two ADSL modems, the first one does not have wireless, but is configured and working fine at around 6 - 7 mbps (ADSL) on Orcon in New Zealand. I bought a Belkin N150 wireless router to replace the first one. I configured it exactly the same as the first one, but a speed test confirms that it is running slower than dial up. One difference I noticed is that the first modem (a linksys) came from Orcon, and didn't have an ADSL username and password set up. The Belkin modem on the other hand wouldn't let me leave the username and password field blank. Any ideas? I am a techy guy, so it doesn't appear to be anything obvious with the settings I have missed. Thanks.

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How to create a Linux user without a password but being able to set it?

- by Leonid Shevtsov

I have a username and an SSH key for a (hypothetical) guy and I need to give him admin access to a Linux (Ubuntu) server. I want him to be able to log in via SSH and then set his password by himself over a secure connection, instead of passing the password around. I know how to make the password expire and force him to reset it on first login. But this doesn't work unless he has some password already, which I then have to tell him. I thought about making the password blank - SSH wouldn't allow login, but then anyone can su into the user. My question is, is there some best practice to creating accounts in such a way? Or setting a default password is unavoidable?

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Windows 7 Audio tracks messed up

- by Crash893

I'm not an audio guy so it might not be the most articulate description of the problem I'm having but it seems like ever since I went to Windows 7 some video (netflix and some youtube) the background track (music sound effects etc) plays appropriately but the foreground track (i.e. the actors and/or narrator) barely comes in at all Right now I have just a simple set of PC speakers and some times a pair of headphones that plug into the PC speakers (no fancy 5.1) I've looked at every setting I can think of but I can't find anything that could be causing this Ive uninstalled the driver and reinstalled and I still get the same results so I think its a software issue any ideas?

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Can't access Linux machine from the network, network from the machine is fine

- by Matt

I'm having issues with a machine that stopped replicating with mysql. It's managed by a guy on another continent but recently I've had to get involved. The server is running Ubuntu server 9.10 I can't log in with SSH, there is no response. On the server itself I can ssh to localhost fine. I thought maybe it's the firewall rules. I'm no expert on IP Tables, but I believe that's not the issue as I removed all the rules. But it still won't let me in. Any ideas? it's acting from other machines as though the service isn't listening, but I know that it is. It's like this for all services.

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How do I get a hold of the Reply-To header and remunge it in postfix

- by Mikhail

I have a legacy application that emails via php. 5% of the emails aren't going through. The solution is to route all email through a fancy verified mail server like Amazon's SES. I am having some trouble implementing this functionality. It seems this guy had a similar problem. My question is where in postfix can I set a filter that will take as input the the message headers, so that I can manually set the From field and the Reply-To field to [email protected] and [email protected], respectively. Where whatever_php_wants is dictated by the php program and the users registration email. I know where to set the noreply portion, but I don't know the exact place in postfix's configuration files where I can intercept complete emails and pass them to a script. Edit So I want emails to look like: FROM: [email protected] REPLY-TO: the_users_address@their_email_service.com

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Have to enter google sites through second-level domain

- by Anton Geraschenko

I'm having the same problem as this guy. I own two domains hosted on google sites, mydomain.com and mydomain.net. When I go to mydomain.com, it redirects me to the site located at www.mydomain.com (this is the desired behavior). This used to also work on mydomain.net, but now when I go to mydomain.net, I get a Google 404. To see the content, I have to go to www.mydomain.net. As far as I can tell, the DNS settings and Google apps settings for both domains are identical. Does anybody have any idea about what could be happening?

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iproute2 rules and iptables NAT... what is the difference?

- by Jakobud

We have 2 different ISP connections. Our previous "IT guy" setup our firewall like so: When /etc/rc.local was executed on startup, it did a bunch of ip rule add and ip route add commands in order to route certain internal hosts to use certain ISP connections. Then at the end of /etc/rc.local, he executed our iptables firewall rules that were generated by Firewall Builder. These iptables rules have both Policy and NAT rules setup in them. What I don't understand, is why did he use iproute2 to specify rules and routes but also specify NAT rules for iptables? Why didn't he just do it all in one or the other instead of using them both? Could he have got rid of the iproute2 rules and routes and just put all those same rules into the iptables NAT settings?

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Locking down a box on the web

- by glowcoder

I'm a Java developer who is looking to put a game on the web. I'm not much of a web or server guy, though, and frankly I seem a little lost at where I should start with putting something on the web. My application works fine on my machine, and I'm sure I can make it work fine on any box I put it on. But the security of that box is pretty important. If I sign up for a standard hosting package (let's say from GoDaddy or something) can I simply tell them "make port 12345 open for communication" and let them handle the rest of the security details? If I can't, what are the things I'm going to need to know to prevent my game server from getting hacked to shreds? (Links to solid resources fine by me!) Thanks!

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