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  • Codeigniter Routes for filename with extension

    - by thehuby
    I am using codeigniter and its routes system successfully with some lovely regexp, however I have come unstuck on what should be an easy peasy thing in the system. I want to include a bunch of search engine related files (for Google webmaster etc.) plus the robots.txt file, all in a controller. So, I have create the controller and updated the routes file and don't seem to be able to get it working with these files. Here's a snip from my routes file: $route['robots\.txt|LiveSearchSiteAuth\.xml'] = 'search_controller/files'; Within the function I use the URI helper to figure out which content to show. Now I can't get this to match, which points to my regexp being wrong. I'm sure this is a really obvious one but its late and my caffeine tank is empty :)

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  • Inserting a table column with jQuery

    - by fudgey
    I have a table of data that I need to dynamically add a column to. Lets say I have this basic table to start with: <table> <tr><td>cell 1</td><td>cell 2</td><td>cell 3</td></tr> <tr><td>cell 1</td><td>cell 2</td><td>cell 3</td></tr> <tr><td>cell 1</td><td>cell 2</td><td>cell 3</td></tr> </table> I would like to insert a column between cell 1 and cell 2 in each row... I've tried this but it just isn't working like I expect... maybe I need more caffeine. $(document).ready(function(){ $('table').find('tr').each(function(){ $(this).prepend('<td>cell 1a</td>'); }) })

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  • Can't seem to stop Postfix backscatter

    - by Ian
    I've just migrated to a Postfix system and can't seem to stop the backscatter messages to unknown addresses on the site. I have a file, validrcpt, that lists all the valid emails on the site - about eight of them. Yet when a message is sent to a non-existent address, instead of just dropping it, postfix is replying with a "Recipient address rejected: User unknown in virtual mailbox table" email. Do I have something set wrong? I've read http://www.postfix.org/BACKSCATTER_README.html but unless I'm caffeine deficient, I don't see what's happening and perhaps I'm just to used to my old qmail setup. Here's postconf -n: alias_database = hash:/etc/aliases alias_maps = hash:/etc/aliases append_dot_mydomain = no biff = no broken_sasl_auth_clients = yes config_directory = /etc/postfix content_filter = smtp-amavis:[127.0.0.1]:10024 home_mailbox = Maildir/ inet_interfaces = all inet_protocols = ipv4 local_recipient_maps = hash:/etc/postfix/validrcpt mailbox_command = /usr/lib/dovecot/deliver -c /etc/dovecot/dovecot.conf -m "${EXTENSION}" mailbox_size_limit = 0 mydestination = localhost myhostname = localhost mynetworks = 127.0.0.0/8 [::ffff:127.0.0.0]/104 [::1]/128 myorigin = /etc/mailname policy-spf_time_limit = 3600s readme_directory = no recipient_bcc_maps = hash:/etc/postfix/recipient_bcc recipient_delimiter = + relay_recipient_maps = hash:/etc/postfix/relay_recipients relayhost = smtp_tls_session_cache_database = btree:${data_directory}/smtp_scache smtp_use_tls = yes smtpd_banner = $myhostname ESMTP $mail_name (Ubuntu) smtpd_recipient_restrictions = permit_mynetworks,permit_sasl_authenticated,reject_unauth_destination,check_policy_service unix:private/policy-spf,reject_rbl_client zen.spamhaus.org,reject_rbl_client bl.spamcop.net,reject_rbl_client cbl.abuseat.org,check_policy_service inet:127.0.0.1:10023 smtpd_relay_restrictions = permit_mynetworks permit_sasl_authenticated defer_unauth_destination smtpd_sasl_auth_enable = yes smtpd_sasl_authenticated_header = yes smtpd_sasl_local_domain = $myhostname smtpd_sasl_path = private/dovecot-auth smtpd_sasl_security_options = noanonymous smtpd_sasl_type = dovecot smtpd_sender_restrictions = reject_unknown_sender_domain smtpd_tls_auth_only = yes smtpd_tls_cert_file = /etc/dovecot/dovecot.pem smtpd_tls_key_file = /etc/dovecot/private/dovecot.pem smtpd_tls_mandatory_ciphers = medium smtpd_tls_mandatory_protocols = SSLv3, TLSv1 smtpd_tls_received_header = yes smtpd_tls_session_cache_database = btree:${data_directory}/smtpd_scache smtpd_use_tls = yes tls_random_source = dev:/dev/urandom virtual_gid_maps = static:5000 virtual_mailbox_base = /home/vmail virtual_mailbox_domains = digitalhit.com virtual_mailbox_maps = hash:/etc/postfix/vmaps virtual_minimum_uid = 1000 virtual_uid_maps = static:5000

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  • Partial specialization with reference template parameter fails to compile in VS2005

    - by Blair Holloway
    I have code that boils down to the following: template struct Foo {}; template & I struct FooBar {}; //////// template struct Baz {}; template & I struct Baz< FooBar { static void func(FooBar& value); }; //////// struct MyStruct { static const Foo s_floatFoo; }; // Elsewhere: const Foo MyStruct::s_floatFoo; void callBaz() { typedef FooBar FloatFooBar; FloatFooBar myFloatFooBar; Baz::func(myFloatFooBar); } This compiles successfully under GCC, however, under VS2005, I get: error C2039: 'func' : is not a member of 'Baz' with [ T=FloatFooBar ] error C3861: 'func': identifier not found However, if I change const Foo<T>& I to const Foo<T>* I (passing I by pointer rather than by reference), and defining FloatFooBar as: typedef FooBar FloatFooBar; Both GCC and VS2005 are happy. What's going on? Is this some kind of subtle template substitution failure that VS2005 is handling differently to GCC, or a compiler bug? (The strangest thing: I thought I had the above code working in VS2005 earlier this morning. But that was before my morning coffee. I'm now not entirely certain I wasn't under some sort of caffeine-craving-induced delirium...)

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  • Alternative Python standard library reference

    - by Ender
    I love Python; I absolutely despise its official documentation. Tutorials do not count as library references, but that appears to be what they're attempting. What I really want is the ability to find a class in the standard library and view documentation for all of its properties and methods. Actionscript, MSDN, and Java all do this just fine (although each with their odd quirks). Where is this for python? For example, I wanted to sort a list. mylist.sort(). Awesome. But what if I wanted it sorted in descending order? Official documentation is not - much - help. Or what if I wanted to specify a key function? That's also supported: mylist.sort(key=lamba item: item.customVar)- but documented...where? I understand that Python's approach to OOP may not be equivalent to Java et. al. Maybe list isn't actually a class - maybe it's just a function that returns an iterable when the tachyon beams are set to glorious and the unboxed hyper enumeration is quantized, but...I don't care. I just want to know how to sort lists. (Apologies for the angst - too much caffeine today)

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  • Overwhelmed by design patterns... where to begin?

    - by Pete
    I am writing a simple prototype code to demonstrate & profile I/O schemes (HDF4, HDF5, HDF5 using parallel IO, NetCDF, etc.) for a physics code. Since focus is on IO, the rest of the program is very simple: class Grid { public: floatArray x,y,z; }; class MyModel { public: MyModel(const int &nip1, const int &njp1, const int &nkp1, const int &numProcs); Grid grid; map<string, floatArray> plasmaVariables; }; Where floatArray is a simple class that lets me define arbitrary dimensioned arrays and do mathematical operations on them (i.e. x+y is point-wise addition). Of course, I could use better encapsulation (write accessors/setters, etc.), but that's not the concept I'm struggling with. For the I/O routines, I am envisioning applying simple inheritance: Abstract I/O class defines read & write functions to fill in the "myModel" object HDF4 derived class HDF5 HDF5 using parallel IO NetCDF etc... The code should read data in any of these formats, then write out to any of these formats. In the past, I would add an AbstractIO member to myModel and create/destroy this object depending on which I/O scheme I want. In this way, I could do something like: myModelObj.ioObj->read('input.hdf') myModelObj.ioObj->write('output.hdf') I have a bit of OOP experience but very little on the Design Patterns front, so I recently acquired the Gang of Four book "Design Patterns: Elements of Reusable Object-Oriented Software". OOP designers: Which pattern(s) would you recommend I use to integrate I/O with the myModel object? I am interested in answering this for two reasons: To learn more about design patterns in general Apply what I learn to help refactor an large old crufty/legacy physics code to be more human-readable & extensible. I am leaning towards applying the Decerator pattern to myModel, so I can attach the I/O responsibilities dynamically to myModel (i.e. whether to use HDF4, HDF5, etc.). However, I don't feel very confident that this is the best pattern to apply. Reading the Gang of Four book cover-to-cover before I start coding feels like a good way to develop an unhealthy caffeine addiction. What patterns do you recommend?

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  • Source-control 'wet-work'?

    - by Phil Factor
    When a design or creative work is flawed beyond remedy, it is often best to destroy it and start again. The other day, I lost the code to a long and intricate SQL batch I was working on. I’d thought it was impossible, but it happened. With all the technology around that is designed to prevent this occurring, this sort of accident has become a rare event.  If it weren’t for a deranged laptop, and my distraction, the code wouldn’t have been lost this time.  As always, I sighed, had a soothing cup of tea, and typed it all in again.  The new code I hastily tapped in  was much better: I’d held in my head the essence of how the code should work rather than the details: I now knew for certain  the start point, the end, and how it should be achieved. Instantly the detritus of half-baked thoughts fell away and I was able to write logical code that performed better.  Because I could work so quickly, I was able to hold the details of all the columns and variables in my head, and the dynamics of the flow of data. It was, in fact, easier and quicker to start from scratch rather than tidy up and refactor the existing code with its inevitable fumbling and half-baked ideas. What a shame that technology is now so good that developers rarely experience the cleansing shock of losing one’s code and having to rewrite it from scratch.  If you’ve never accidentally lost  your code, then it is worth doing it deliberately once for the experience. Creative people have, until Technology mistakenly prevented it, torn up their drafts or sketches, threw them in the bin, and started again from scratch.  Leonardo’s obsessive reworking of the Mona Lisa was renowned because it was so unusual:  Most artists have been utterly ruthless in destroying work that didn’t quite make it. Authors are particularly keen on writing afresh, and the results are generally positive. Lawrence of Arabia actually lost the entire 250,000 word manuscript of ‘The Seven Pillars of Wisdom’ by accidentally leaving it on a train at Reading station, before rewriting a much better version.  Now, any writer or artist is seduced by technology into altering or refining their work rather than casting it dramatically in the bin or setting a light to it on a bonfire, and rewriting it from the blank page.  It is easy to pick away at a flawed work, but the real creative process is far more brutal. Once, many years ago whilst running a software house that supplied commercial software to local businesses, I’d been supervising an accounting system for a farming cooperative. No packaged system met their needs, and it was all hand-cut code.  For us, it represented a breakthrough as it was for a government organisation, and success would guarantee more contracts. As you’ve probably guessed, the code got mangled in a disk crash just a week before the deadline for delivery, and the many backups all proved to be entirely corrupted by a faulty tape drive.  There were some fragments left on individual machines, but they were all of different versions.  The developers were in despair.  Strangely, I managed to re-write the bulk of a three-month project in a manic and caffeine-soaked weekend.  Sure, that elegant universally-applicable input-form routine was‘nt quite so elegant, but it didn’t really need to be as we knew what forms it needed to support.  Yes, the code lacked architectural elegance and reusability. By dawn on Monday, the application passed its integration tests. The developers rose to the occasion after I’d collapsed, and tidied up what I’d done, though they were reproachful that some of the style and elegance had gone out of the application. By the delivery date, we were able to install it. It was a smaller, faster application than the beta they’d seen and the user-interface had a new, rather Spartan, appearance that we swore was done to conform to the latest in user-interface guidelines. (we switched to Helvetica font to look more ‘Bauhaus’ ). The client was so delighted that he forgave the new bugs that had crept in. I still have the disk that crashed, up in the attic. In IT, we have had mixed experiences from complete re-writes. Lotus 123 never really recovered from a complete rewrite from assembler into C, Borland made the mistake with Arago and Quattro Pro  and Netscape’s complete rewrite of their Navigator 4 browser was a white-knuckle ride. In all cases, the decision to rewrite was a result of extreme circumstances where no other course of action seemed possible.   The rewrite didn’t come out of the blue. I prefer to remember the rewrite of Minix by young Linus Torvalds, or the rewrite of Bitkeeper by a slightly older Linus.  The rewrite of CP/M didn’t do too badly either, did it? Come to think of it, the guy who decided to rewrite the windowing system of the Xerox Star never regretted the decision. I’ll agree that one should often resist calls for a rewrite. One of the worst habits of the more inexperienced programmer is to denigrate whatever code he or she inherits, and then call loudly for a complete rewrite. They are buoyed up by the mistaken belief that they can do better. This, however, is a different psychological phenomenon, more related to the idea of some motorcyclists that they are operating on infinite lives, or the occasional squaddies that if they charge the machine-guns determinedly enough all will be well. Grim experience brings out the humility in any experienced programmer.  I’m referring to quite different circumstances here. Where a team knows the requirements perfectly, are of one mind on methodology and coding standards, and they already have a solution, then what is wrong with considering  a complete rewrite? Rewrites are so painful in the early stages, until that point where one realises the payoff, that even I quail at the thought. One needs a natural disaster to push one over the edge. The trouble is that source-control systems, and disaster recovery systems, are just too good nowadays.   If I were to lose this draft of this very blog post, I know I’d rewrite it much better. However, if you read this, you’ll know I didn’t have the nerve to delete it and start again.  There was a time that one prayed that unreliable hardware would deliver you from an unmaintainable mess of a codebase, but now technology has made us almost entirely immune to such a merciful act of God. An old friend of mine with long experience in the software industry has long had the idea of the ‘source-control wet-work’,  where one hires a malicious hacker in some wild eastern country to hack into one’s own  source control system to destroy all trace of the source to an application. Alas, backup systems are just too good to make this any more than a pipedream. Somehow, it would be difficult to promote the idea. As an alternative, could one construct a source control system that, on doing all the code-quality metrics, would systematically destroy all trace of source code that failed the quality test? Alas, I can’t see many managers buying into the idea. In reading the full story of the near-loss of Toy Story 2, it set me thinking. It turned out that the lucky restoration of the code wasn’t the happy ending one first imagined it to be, because they eventually came to the conclusion that the plot was fundamentally flawed and it all had to be rewritten anyway.  Was this an early  case of the ‘source-control wet-job’?’ It is very hard nowadays to do a rapid U-turn in a development project because we are far too prone to cling to our existing source-code.

    Read the article

  • Source-control 'wet-work'?

    - by Phil Factor
    When a design or creative work is flawed beyond remedy, it is often best to destroy it and start again. The other day, I lost the code to a long and intricate SQL batch I was working on. I’d thought it was impossible, but it happened. With all the technology around that is designed to prevent this occurring, this sort of accident has become a rare event.  If it weren’t for a deranged laptop, and my distraction, the code wouldn’t have been lost this time.  As always, I sighed, had a soothing cup of tea, and typed it all in again.  The new code I hastily tapped in  was much better: I’d held in my head the essence of how the code should work rather than the details: I now knew for certain  the start point, the end, and how it should be achieved. Instantly the detritus of half-baked thoughts fell away and I was able to write logical code that performed better.  Because I could work so quickly, I was able to hold the details of all the columns and variables in my head, and the dynamics of the flow of data. It was, in fact, easier and quicker to start from scratch rather than tidy up and refactor the existing code with its inevitable fumbling and half-baked ideas. What a shame that technology is now so good that developers rarely experience the cleansing shock of losing one’s code and having to rewrite it from scratch.  If you’ve never accidentally lost  your code, then it is worth doing it deliberately once for the experience. Creative people have, until Technology mistakenly prevented it, torn up their drafts or sketches, threw them in the bin, and started again from scratch.  Leonardo’s obsessive reworking of the Mona Lisa was renowned because it was so unusual:  Most artists have been utterly ruthless in destroying work that didn’t quite make it. Authors are particularly keen on writing afresh, and the results are generally positive. Lawrence of Arabia actually lost the entire 250,000 word manuscript of ‘The Seven Pillars of Wisdom’ by accidentally leaving it on a train at Reading station, before rewriting a much better version.  Now, any writer or artist is seduced by technology into altering or refining their work rather than casting it dramatically in the bin or setting a light to it on a bonfire, and rewriting it from the blank page.  It is easy to pick away at a flawed work, but the real creative process is far more brutal. Once, many years ago whilst running a software house that supplied commercial software to local businesses, I’d been supervising an accounting system for a farming cooperative. No packaged system met their needs, and it was all hand-cut code.  For us, it represented a breakthrough as it was for a government organisation, and success would guarantee more contracts. As you’ve probably guessed, the code got mangled in a disk crash just a week before the deadline for delivery, and the many backups all proved to be entirely corrupted by a faulty tape drive.  There were some fragments left on individual machines, but they were all of different versions.  The developers were in despair.  Strangely, I managed to re-write the bulk of a three-month project in a manic and caffeine-soaked weekend.  Sure, that elegant universally-applicable input-form routine was‘nt quite so elegant, but it didn’t really need to be as we knew what forms it needed to support.  Yes, the code lacked architectural elegance and reusability. By dawn on Monday, the application passed its integration tests. The developers rose to the occasion after I’d collapsed, and tidied up what I’d done, though they were reproachful that some of the style and elegance had gone out of the application. By the delivery date, we were able to install it. It was a smaller, faster application than the beta they’d seen and the user-interface had a new, rather Spartan, appearance that we swore was done to conform to the latest in user-interface guidelines. (we switched to Helvetica font to look more ‘Bauhaus’ ). The client was so delighted that he forgave the new bugs that had crept in. I still have the disk that crashed, up in the attic. In IT, we have had mixed experiences from complete re-writes. Lotus 123 never really recovered from a complete rewrite from assembler into C, Borland made the mistake with Arago and Quattro Pro  and Netscape’s complete rewrite of their Navigator 4 browser was a white-knuckle ride. In all cases, the decision to rewrite was a result of extreme circumstances where no other course of action seemed possible.   The rewrite didn’t come out of the blue. I prefer to remember the rewrite of Minix by young Linus Torvalds, or the rewrite of Bitkeeper by a slightly older Linus.  The rewrite of CP/M didn’t do too badly either, did it? Come to think of it, the guy who decided to rewrite the windowing system of the Xerox Star never regretted the decision. I’ll agree that one should often resist calls for a rewrite. One of the worst habits of the more inexperienced programmer is to denigrate whatever code he or she inherits, and then call loudly for a complete rewrite. They are buoyed up by the mistaken belief that they can do better. This, however, is a different psychological phenomenon, more related to the idea of some motorcyclists that they are operating on infinite lives, or the occasional squaddies that if they charge the machine-guns determinedly enough all will be well. Grim experience brings out the humility in any experienced programmer.  I’m referring to quite different circumstances here. Where a team knows the requirements perfectly, are of one mind on methodology and coding standards, and they already have a solution, then what is wrong with considering  a complete rewrite? Rewrites are so painful in the early stages, until that point where one realises the payoff, that even I quail at the thought. One needs a natural disaster to push one over the edge. The trouble is that source-control systems, and disaster recovery systems, are just too good nowadays.   If I were to lose this draft of this very blog post, I know I’d rewrite it much better. However, if you read this, you’ll know I didn’t have the nerve to delete it and start again.  There was a time that one prayed that unreliable hardware would deliver you from an unmaintainable mess of a codebase, but now technology has made us almost entirely immune to such a merciful act of God. An old friend of mine with long experience in the software industry has long had the idea of the ‘source-control wet-work’,  where one hires a malicious hacker in some wild eastern country to hack into one’s own  source control system to destroy all trace of the source to an application. Alas, backup systems are just too good to make this any more than a pipedream. Somehow, it would be difficult to promote the idea. As an alternative, could one construct a source control system that, on doing all the code-quality metrics, would systematically destroy all trace of source code that failed the quality test? Alas, I can’t see many managers buying into the idea. In reading the full story of the near-loss of Toy Story 2, it set me thinking. It turned out that the lucky restoration of the code wasn’t the happy ending one first imagined it to be, because they eventually came to the conclusion that the plot was fundamentally flawed and it all had to be rewritten anyway.  Was this an early  case of the ‘source-control wet-job’?’ It is very hard nowadays to do a rapid U-turn in a development project because we are far too prone to cling to our existing source-code.

    Read the article

  • The How-To Geek Holiday Gift Guide (Geeky Stuff We Like)

    - by The Geek
    Welcome to the very first How-To Geek Holiday Gift Guide, where we’ve put together a list of our absolute favorites to help you weed through all of the junk out there to pick the perfect gift for anybody. Though really, it’s just a list of the geeky stuff we want. We’ve got a whole range of items on the list, from cheaper gifts that most anybody can afford, to the really expensive stuff that we’re pretty sure nobody is giving us. Stocking Stuffers Here’s a couple of ideas for items that won’t break the bank. LED Keychain Micro-Light   Magcraft 1/8-Inch Rare Earth Cube Magnets Best little LED keychain light around. If they don’t need the penknife of the above item this is the perfect gift. I give them out by the handfuls and nobody ever says anything but good things about them. I’ve got ones that are years old and still running on the same battery.  Price: $8   Geeks cannot resist magnets. Jason bought this pack for his fridge because he was sick of big clunky magnets… these things are amazing. One tiny magnet, smaller than an Altoid mint, can practically hold a clipboard right to the fridge. Amazing. I spend more time playing with them on the counter than I do actually hanging stuff.  Price: $10 Lots of Geeky Mugs   Astronomy Powerful Green Laser Pointer There’s loads of fun, geeky mugs you can find on Amazon or anywhere else—and they are great choices for the geek who loves their coffee. You can get the Caffeine mug pictured here, or go with an Atari one, Canon Lens, or the Aperture mug based on Portal. Your choice. Price: $7   No, it’s not a light saber, but it’s nearly bright enough to be one—you can illuminate low flying clouds at night or just blind some aliens on your day off. All that for an extremely low price. Loads of fun. Price: $15       Geeky TV Shows and Books Sometimes you just want to relax and enjoy a some TV or a good book. Here’s a few choices. The IT Crowd Fourth Season   Doctor Who, Complete Fifth Series Ridiculous, funny show about nerds in the IT department, loved by almost all the geeks here at HTG. Justin even makes this required watching for new hires in his office so they’ll get his jokes. You can pre-order the fourth season, or pick up seasons one, two, or three for even cheaper. Price: $13   It doesn’t get any more nerdy than Eric’s pick, the fifth all-new series of Doctor Who, where the Daleks are hatching a new master plan from the heart of war-torn London. There’s also alien vampires, humanoid reptiles, and a lot more. Price: $52 Battlestar Galactica Complete Series   MAKE: Electronics: Learning Through Discovery Watch the epic fight to save the human race by finding the fabled planet Earth while being hunted by the robotic Cylons. You can grab the entire series on DVD or Blu-ray, or get the seasons individually. This isn’t your average sci-fi TV show. Price: $150 for Blu-ray.   Want to learn the fundamentals of electronics in a fun, hands-on way? The Make:Electronics book helps you build the circuits and learn how it all works—as if you had any more time between all that registry hacking and loading software on your new PC. Price: $21       Geeky Gadgets for the Gadget-Loving Geek Here’s a few of the items on our gadget list, though lets be honest: geeks are going to love almost any gadget, especially shiny new ones. Klipsch Image S4i Premium Noise-Isolating Headset with 3-Button Apple Control   GP2X Caanoo MAME/Console Emulator If you’re a real music geek looking for some serious quality in the headset for your iPhone or iPod, this is the pair that Alex recommends. They aren’t terribly cheap, but you can get the less expensive S3 earphones instead if you prefer. Price: $50-100   Eric says: “As an owner of an older version, I can say the GP2X is one of my favorite gadgets ever. Touted a “Retro Emulation Juggernaut,” GP2X runs Linux and may be the only open source software console available. Sounds too good to be true, but isn’t.” Price: $150 Roku XDS Streaming Player 1080p   Western Digital WD TV Live Plus HD Media Player If you do a lot of streaming over Netflix, Hulu Plus, Amazon’s Video on Demand, Pandora, and others, the Roku box is a great choice to get your content on your TV without paying a lot of money.  It’s also got Wireless-N built in, and it supports full 1080P HD. Price: $99   If you’ve got a home media collection sitting on a hard drive or a network server, the Western Digital box is probably the cheapest way to get that content on your TV, and it even supports Netflix streaming too. It’ll play loads of formats in full HD quality. Price: $99 Fujitsu ScanSnap S300 Color Mobile Scanner   Doxie, the amazing scanner for documents Trevor said: “This wonderful little scanner has become absolutely essential to me. My desk used to just be a gigantic pile of papers that I didn’t need at the moment, but couldn’t throw away ‘just in case.’ Now, every few weeks, I’ll run that paper pile through this and then happily shred the originals!” Price: $300   If you don’t scan quite as often and are looking for a budget scanner you can throw into your bag, or toss into a drawer in your desk, the Doxie scanner is a great alternative that I’ve been using for a while. It’s half the price, and while it’s not as full-featured as the Fujitsu, it might be a better choice for the very casual user. Price: $150       (Expensive) Gadgets Almost Anybody Will Love If you’re not sure that one of the more geeky presents is gonna work, here’s some gadgets that just about anybody is going to love, especially if they don’t have one already. Of course, some of these are a bit on the expensive side—but it’s a wish list, right? Amazon Kindle       The Kindle weighs less than a paperback book, the screen is amazing and easy on the eyes, and get ready for the kicker: the battery lasts at least a month. We aren’t kidding, either—it really lasts that long. If you don’t feel like spending money for books, you can use it to read PDFs, and if you want to get really geeky, you can hack it for custom screensavers. Price: $139 iPod Touch or iPad       You can’t go wrong with either of these presents—the iPod Touch can do almost everything the iPhone can do, including games, apps, and music, and it has the same Retina display as the iPhone, HD video recording, and a front-facing camera so you can use FaceTime. Price: $229+, depending on model. The iPad is a great tablet for playing games, browsing the web, or just using on your coffee table for guests. It’s well worth buying one—but if you’re buying for yourself, keep in mind that the iPad 2 is probably coming out in 3 months. Price: $500+ MacBook Air  The MacBook Air comes in 11” or 13” versions, and it’s an amazing little machine. It’s lightweight, the battery lasts nearly forever, and it resumes from sleep almost instantly. Since it uses an SSD drive instead of a hard drive, you’re barely going to notice any speed problems for general use. So if you’ve got a lot of money to blow, this is a killer gift. Price: $999 and up. Stuck with No Idea for a Present? Gift Cards! Yeah, you’re not going to win any “thoughtful present” awards with these, but you might just give somebody what they really want—the new Angry Birds HD for their iPad, Cut the Rope, or anything else they want. ITunes Gift Card   Amazon.com Gift Card Somebody in your circle getting a new iPod, iPhone, or iPad? You can get them an iTunes gift card, which they can use to buy music, games or apps. Yep, this way you can gift them a copy of Angry Birds if they don’t already have it. Or even Cut the Rope.   No clue what to get somebody on your list? Amazon gift cards let them buy pretty much anything they want, from organic weirdberries to big screen TVs. Yeah, it’s not as thoughtful as getting them a nice present, but look at the bright side: maybe they’ll get you an Amazon gift card and it’ll balance out. That’s the highlights from our lists—got anything else to add? Share your geeky gift ideas in the comments. Latest Features How-To Geek ETC The How-To Geek Holiday Gift Guide (Geeky Stuff We Like) LCD? LED? Plasma? The How-To Geek Guide to HDTV Technology The How-To Geek Guide to Learning Photoshop, Part 8: Filters Improve Digital Photography by Calibrating Your Monitor Our Favorite Tech: What We’re Thankful For at How-To Geek The How-To Geek Guide to Learning Photoshop, Part 7: Design and Typography Happy Snow Bears Theme for Chrome and Iron [Holiday] Download Full Command and Conquer: Tiberian Sun Game for Free Scorched Cometary Planet Wallpaper Quick Fix: Add the RSS Button Back to the Firefox Awesome Bar Dropbox Desktop Client 1.0.0 RC for Windows, Linux, and Mac Released Hang in There Scrat! – Ice Age Wallpaper

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  • Productivity Tips

    - by Brian T. Jackett
    A few months ago during my first end of year review at Microsoft I was doing an assessment of my year.  One of my personal goals to come out of this reflection was to improve my personal productivity.  While I hear many people say “I wish I had more hours in the day so that I could get more done” I feel like that is the wrong approach.  There is an inherent assumption that you are being productive with your time that you already have and thus more time would allow you to be as productive given more time.    Instead of wishing I could add more hours to the day I’ve begun adopting a number of processes or behavior changes in my personal life to make better use of my time with the goal of improving productivity.  The areas of focus are as follows: Focus Processes Tools Personal health Email Note: A number of these topics have spawned from reading Scott Hanselman’s blog posts on productivity, reading of David Allen’s book Getting Things Done, and discussions with friends and coworkers who had great insights into this topic.   Focus Pre-reading / viewing: Overcome your work addiction Millennials paralyzed by choice Its Not What You Read Its What You Ignore (Scott Hanselman video)    I highly recommend Scott Hanselman’s video above and this post before continuing with this article.  It is well worth the 40+ mins price of admission for the video and couple minutes for article.  One key takeaway for me was listing out my activities in an average week and realizing which ones held little or no value to me.  We all have a finite amount of time to work each day.  Do you know how much time and effort you spend on various aspects of your life (family, friends, religion, work, personal happiness, etc.)?  Do your actions and commitments reflect your priorities?    The biggest time consumers with little value for me were time spent on social media services (Twitter and Facebook), playing an MMO video game, and watching TV.  I still check up on Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft internal chat forums, and other services to keep contact with others but I’ve reduced that time significantly.  As for TV I’ve cut the cord and no longer subscribe to cable TV.  Instead I use Netflix, RedBox, and over the air channels but again with reduced time consumption.  With the time I’ve freed up I’m back to working out 2-3 times a week and reading 4 nights a week (both of which I had been neglecting previously).  I’ll mention a few tools for helping measure your time in the Tools section.   Processes    Do not multi-task.  I’ll say it again.  Do not multi-task.  There is no such thing as multi tasking.  The human brain is optimized to work on one thing at a time.  When you are “multi-tasking” you are really doing 2 or more things at less than 100%, usually by a wide margin.  I take pride in my work and when I’m doing something less than 100% the results typically degrade rapidly.    Now there are some ways of bending the rules of physics for this one.  There is the notion of getting a double amount of work done in the same timeframe.  Some examples would be listening to podcasts / watching a movie while working out, using a treadmill as your work desk, or reading while in the bathroom.    Personally I’ve found good results in combining one task that does not require focus (making dinner, playing certain video games, working out) and one task that does (watching a movie, listening to podcasts).  I believe this is related to me being a visual and kinesthetic (using my hands or actually doing it) learner.  I’m terrible with auditory learning.  My fiance and I joke that sometimes we talk and talk to each other but never really hear each other.   Goals / Tasks    Goals can give us direction in life and a sense of accomplishment when we complete them.  Goals can also overwhelm us and give us a sense of failure when we don’t complete them.  I propose that you shift your perspective and not dwell on all of the things that you haven’t gotten done, but focus instead on regularly setting measureable goals that are within reason of accomplishing.    At the end of each time frame have a retrospective to review your progress.  Do not feel guilty about what you did not accomplish.  Feel proud of what you did accomplish and readjust your goals for the next time frame to more attainable goals.  Here is a sample schedule I’ve seen proposed by some.  I have not consistently set goals for each timeframe, but I do typically set 3 small goals a day (this blog post is #2 for today). Each day set 3 small goals Each week set 3 medium goals Each month set 1 large goal Each year set 2 very large goals   Tools    Tools are an extension of our human body.  They help us extend beyond what we can physically and mentally do.  Below are some tools I use almost daily or have found useful as of late. Disclaimer: I am not getting endorsed to promote any of these products.  I just happen to like them and find them useful. Instapaper – Save internet links for reading later.  There are many tools like this but I’ve found this to be a great one.  There is even a “read it later” JavaScript button you can add to your browser so when you navigate to a site it will then add this to your list. Stacks for Instapaper – A Windows Phone 7 app for reading my Instapaper articles on the go.  It does require a subscription to Instapaper (nominal $3 every three months) but is easily worth the cost.  Alternatively you can set up your Kindle to sync with Instapaper easily but I haven’t done so. SlapDash Podcast – Apps for Windows Phone and  Windows 8 (possibly other platforms) to sync podcast viewing / listening across multiple devices.  Now that I have my Surface RT device (which I love) this is making my consumption easier to manage. Feed Reader – Simple Windows 8 app for quickly catching up on my RSS feeds.  I used to have hundreds of unread items all the time.  Now I’m down to 20-50 regularly and it is much easier and faster to consume on my Surface RT.  There is also a free version (which I use) and I can’t see much different between the free and paid versions currently. Rescue Time – Have you ever wondered how much time you’ve spent on websites vs. email vs. “doing work”?  This service tracks your computer actions and then lets you report on them.  This can help you quantitatively identify areas where your actions are not in line with your priorities. PowerShell – Windows automation tool.  It is now built into every client and server OS.  This tool has saved me days (and I mean the full 24 hrs worth) of time and effort in the past year alone.  If you haven’t started learning PowerShell and you administrating any Windows OS or server product you need to start today. Various blogging tools – I wrote a post a couple years ago called How I Blog about my blogging process and tools used.  Almost all of it still applies today.   Personal Health    Some of these may be common sense or debatable, but I’ve found them to help prioritize my daily activities. Get plenty of sleep on a regular basis.  Sacrificing sleep too many nights a week negatively impacts your cognition, attitude, and overall health. Exercise at least three days.  Exercise could be lifting weights, taking the stairs up multiple flights of stairs, walking for 20 mins, or a number of other "non-traditional” activities.  I find that regular exercise helps with sleep and improves my overall attitude. Eat a well balanced diet.  Too much sugar, caffeine, junk food, etc. are not good for your body.  This is not a matter of losing weight but taking care of your body and helping you perform at your peak potential.   Email    Email can be one of the biggest time consumers (i.e. waster) if you aren’t careful. Time box your email usage.  Set a meeting invite for yourself if necessary to limit how much time you spend checking email. Use rules to prioritize your email.  Email from external customers, my manager, or include me directly on the To line go into my inbox.  Everything else goes a level down and I have 30+ rules to further sort it, mostly distribution lists. Use keyboard shortcuts (when available).  I use Outlook for my primary email and am constantly hitting Alt + S to send, Ctrl + 1 for my inbox, Ctrl + 2 for my calendar, Space / Tab / Shift + Tab to mark items as read, and a number of other useful commands.  Learn them and you’ll see your speed getting through emails increase. Keep emails short.  No one Few people like reading through long emails.  The first line should state exactly why you are sending the email followed by a 3-4 lines to support it.  Anything longer might be better suited as a phone call or in person discussion.   Conclusion    In this post I walked through various tips and tricks I’ve found for improving personal productivity.  It is a mix of re-focusing on the things that matter, using tools to assist in your efforts, and cutting out actions that are not aligned with your priorities.  I originally had a whole section on keyboard shortcuts, but with my recent purchase of the Surface RT I’m finding that touch gestures have replaced numerous keyboard commands that I used to need.  I see a big future in touch enabled devices.  Hopefully some of these tips help you out.  If you have any tools, tips, or ideas you would like to share feel free to add in the comments section.         -Frog Out   Links Scott Hanselman Productivity posts http://www.hanselman.com/blog/CategoryView.aspx?category=Productivity Overcome your work addiction http://blogs.hbr.org/hbsfaculty/2012/05/overcome-your-work-addiction.html?awid=5512355740280659420-3271   Millennials paralyzed by choice http://priyaparker.com/blog/millennials-paralyzed-by-choice   Its Not What You Read Its What You Ignore (video) http://www.hanselman.com/blog/ItsNotWhatYouReadItsWhatYouIgnoreVideoOfScottHanselmansPersonalProductivityTips.aspx   Cutting the cord – Jeff Blankenburg http://www.jeffblankenburg.com/2011/04/06/cutting-the-cord/   Building a sitting standing desk – Eric Harlan http://www.ericharlan.com/Everything_Else/building-a-sitting-standing-desk-a229.html   Instapaper http://www.instapaper.com/u   Stacks for Instapaper http://www.stacksforinstapaper.com/   Slapdash Podcast Windows Phone -  http://www.windowsphone.com/en-us/store/app/slapdash-podcasts/90e8b121-080b-e011-9264-00237de2db9e Windows 8 - http://apps.microsoft.com/webpdp/en-us/app/slapdash-podcasts/0c62e66a-f2e4-4403-af88-3430a821741e/m/ROW   Feed Reader http://apps.microsoft.com/webpdp/en-us/app/feed-reader/d03199c9-8e08-469a-bda1-7963099840cc/m/ROW   Rescue Time http://www.rescuetime.com/   PowerShell Script Center http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/scriptcenter/bb410849.aspx

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  • Apt-Get Update: failure to fetch; can't connect to any sources

    - by weberc2
    I realize there are dozens of "apt-get update: failure to fetch" questions (I read through all I could find), but my present circumstance is unique to 12.04 and it affects all sources; not just launchpad. Additionally, I've tried several different servers in Europe and the U.S. as well as the "main server" (wherever that is) and they all yield the same result: I can't connect to any software sources. Additionally, I'm fairly certain the problem stems from the upgrade from 11.10-12.04 I performed this morning, as updates worked immediately before. Updates from the Update Manager worked fine and I could download some things (mutter) from the Software Center without incident, which makes me think I can connect to some subset of the Ubuntu servers (however, several other Ubuntu servers--like extras--and some canonical servers are listed as 'unable to connect'). Here is the output from sudo apt-get update: sudo apt-get update Ign http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise InRelease Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise InRelease Ign http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-updates InRelease Ign http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-backports InRelease Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-security InRelease Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-updates Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-backports Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-security Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release.gpg Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner i386 Packages Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner TranslationIndex Ign http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Ign http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Ign http://extras.ubuntu.com precise InRelease Get:1 http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg [198 B] Err http://extras.ubuntu.com precise Release.gpg Could not connect to extras.ubuntu.com:80 (91.189.88.33). - connect (111: Connection refused) Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Get:2 http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg [198 B] Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Get:3 http://dl.google.com stable Release [1,347 B] Get:4 http://dl.google.com stable Release [1,347 B] Get:5 http://dl.google.com stable/main i386 Packages [1,268 B] Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main TranslationIndex Get:6 http://dl.google.com stable/main i386 Packages [769 B] Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main TranslationIndex Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en_US Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en_US Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en Fetched 5,127 B in 7s (673 B/s) Reading package lists... Done W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-security/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementary-os/stable/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementaryart/elementary-dev/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/midori/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/nemequ/sqlheavy/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/ricotz/docky/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/sgringwe/beatbox/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/webupd8team/y-ppa-manager/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/yorba/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-updates/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-backports/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-security/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/partner/i18n/Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] W: Failed to fetch http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/partner/i18n/Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] W: Failed to fetch http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Could not connect to extras.ubuntu.com:80 (91.189.88.33). - connect (111: Connection refused) W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/caffeine-developers/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementary-os/stable/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementaryart/elementary-dev/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/midori/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/nemequ/sqlheavy/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/ricotz/docky/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/sgringwe/beatbox/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/webupd8team/y-ppa-manager/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/yorba/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Some index files failed to download. They have been ignored, or old ones used instead. W: Duplicate sources.list entry http://ppa.launchpad.net/nemequ/sqlheavy/ubuntu/ precise/main i386 Packages (/var/lib/apt/lists/ppa.launchpad.net_nemequ_sqlheavy_ubuntu_dists_precise_main_binary-i386_Packages) W: Duplicate sources.list entry http://ppa.launchpad.net/sgringwe/beatbox/ubuntu/ precise/main i386 Packages (/var/lib/apt/lists/ppa.launchpad.net_sgringwe_beatbox_ubuntu_dists_precise_main_binary-i386_Packages) Contents of /etc/apt/sources.list: # deb cdrom:[Ubuntu 11.10 _Oneiric Ocelot_ - Release i386 (20111012)]/ oneiric main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise main restricted #Added by software-properties # See http://help.ubuntu.com/community/UpgradeNotes for how to upgrade to # newer versions of the distribution. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise multiverse universe #Added by software-properties ## Major bug fix updates produced after the final release of the ## distribution. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates restricted main multiverse universe #Added by software-properties ## N.B. software from this repository is ENTIRELY UNSUPPORTED by the Ubuntu ## team. Also, please note that software in universe WILL NOT receive any ## review or updates from the Ubuntu security team. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise universe deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates universe ## N.B. software from this repository is ENTIRELY UNSUPPORTED by the Ubuntu ## team, and may not be under a free licence. Please satisfy yourself as to ## your rights to use the software. Also, please note that software in ## multiverse WILL NOT receive any review or updates from the Ubuntu ## security team. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise multiverse deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates multiverse ## N.B. software from this repository may not have been tested as ## extensively as that contained in the main release, although it includes ## newer versions of some applications which may provide useful features. ## Also, please note that software in backports WILL NOT receive any review ## or updates from the Ubuntu security team. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-backports main restricted universe multiverse deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-backports main restricted universe multiverse #Added by software-properties deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security restricted main multiverse universe #Added by software-properties deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security universe deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security multiverse ## Uncomment the following two lines to add software from Canonical's ## 'partner' repository. ## This software is not part of Ubuntu, but is offered by Canonical and the ## respective vendors as a service to Ubuntu users. # deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu oneiric partner # deb-src http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu oneiric partner ## This software is not part of Ubuntu, but is offered by third-party ## developers who want to ship their latest software. deb http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise main deb-src http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise main Testing Alternate sources.list file These are the steps I followed to produce the following output: Please backup your sources.list: sudo cp /etc/apt/sources.list /etc/apt/sources.list.backup and then replace the contents of /etc/apt/sources.list with the below lines and run apt-get update: deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ precise main restricted universe multiverse deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ precise-updates main restricted universe multiverse deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ precise-backports main restricted universe multiverse deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise-security main restricted universe multiverse deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu precise partner deb http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise main Output: someone@someone-UBook:~$ sudo apt-get update Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise InRelease Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release.gpg Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release Ign http://archive.ubuntu.com precise InRelease Ign http://extras.ubuntu.com precise InRelease Ign http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates InRelease Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner i386 Packages Hit http://extras.ubuntu.com precise Release.gpg Ign http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports InRelease Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner TranslationIndex Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Hit http://extras.ubuntu.com precise Release Get:1 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise Release.gpg [198 B] Ign http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Err http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Err http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg Unable to connect to dl.google.com:http: [IP: 173.194.34.38 80] Err http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg Unable to connect to dl.google.com:http: [IP: 173.194.34.38 80] Get:2 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates Release.gpg [198 B] Hit http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main i386 Packages Get:3 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports Release.gpg [198 B] Ign http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security InRelease Ign http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main TranslationIndex Err http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main Translation-en_US Unable to connect to extras.ubuntu.com:http: Err http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main Translation-en Unable to connect to extras.ubuntu.com:http: Get:4 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security Release.gpg [198 B] Get:5 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise Release [49.6 kB] Get:6 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security Release [49.6 kB] Get:7 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates Release [49.6 kB] Get:8 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports Release [49.6 kB] Get:9 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main i386 Packages [32.9 kB] Get:10 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/main i386 Packages [1,274 kB] Get:11 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted i386 Packages [14 B] Get:12 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe i386 Packages [8,594 B] Get:13 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse i386 Packages [1,393 B] Get:14 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main TranslationIndex [73 B] Get:15 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse TranslationIndex [71 B] Get:16 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted TranslationIndex [70 B] Get:17 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe TranslationIndex [72 B] Get:18 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main Translation-en [13.6 kB] Get:19 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse Translation-en [587 B] Get:20 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted Translation-en [14 B] Get:21 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe Translation-en [6,261 B] Get:22 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/restricted i386 Packages [8,431 B] Get:23 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/universe i386 Packages [4,796 kB] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Get:24 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Get:25 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Get:26 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:27 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:28 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Get:29 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:30 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:31 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:32 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:33 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/multiverse i386 Packages [121 kB] Get:34 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Get:35 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/multiverse TranslationIndex Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/restricted TranslationIndex Get:36 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/universe TranslationIndex Get:37 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:38 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/main i386 Packages [96.5 kB] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Get:39 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:40 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/restricted i386 Packages [770 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Get:41 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/universe i386 Packages [27.7 kB] Get:42 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [524 B] Get:43 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/multiverse i386 Packages [1,393 B] Get:44 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [507 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/main TranslationIndex Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/multiverse TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/restricted TranslationIndex Get:45 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [932 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/universe TranslationIndex Get:46 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,017 B] Get:47 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/main i386 Packages [559 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Get:48 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/restricted i386 Packages [14 B] Get:49 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/universe i386 Packages [1,391 B] Get:50 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [1,402 B] Get:51 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/multiverse i386 Packages [14 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/main TranslationIndex Get:52 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,605 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/multiverse TranslationIndex Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/restricted TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/universe TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/multiverse Translation-en Get:53 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [931 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/restricted Translation-en Get:54 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,079 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/universe Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/main Translation-en Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/multiverse Translation-en Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/restricted Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/universe Translation-en Get:55 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [3,611 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/main Translation-en Get:56 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [2,468 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/multiverse Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/restricted Translation-en Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/universe Translation-en Get:57 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [1,524 B] Get:58 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [2,719 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Get:59 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [1,052 B] Get:60 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,388 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Get:61 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [1,185 B] Get:62 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,698 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources 404 Not Found Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages 404 Not Found Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en_US Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Translation-en Fetched 6,699 kB in 15s (445 kB/s) Reading package lists... Done W: Failed to fetch http://dl.google.com/linux/talkplugin/deb/dists/stable/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/partner/i18n/Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] W: Failed to fetch http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/partner/i18n/Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] W: Failed to fetch http://dl.google.com/linux/chrome/deb/dists/sta

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  • 12.04: Apt-Get Update: failure to fetch; can't connect to any sources

    - by weberc2
    I realize there are dozens of "apt-get update: failure to fetch" questions (I read through all I could find), but my present circumstance is unique to 12.04 and it affects all sources; not just launchpad. Additionally, I've tried several different servers in Europe and the U.S. as well as the "main server" (wherever that is) and they all yield the same result: I can't connect to any software sources. Additionally, I'm fairly certain the problem stems from the upgrade from 11.10-12.04 I performed this morning, as updates worked immediately before. Updates from the Update Manager worked fine and I could download some things (mutter) from the Software Center without incident, which makes me think I can connect to some subset of the Ubuntu servers (however, several other Ubuntu servers--like extras--and some canonical servers are listed as 'unable to connect'). Here is the output from sudo apt-get update: sudo apt-get update Ign http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise InRelease Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise InRelease Ign http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-updates InRelease Ign http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-backports InRelease Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-security InRelease Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-updates Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-backports Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Err http://ftp.u-picardie.fr precise-security Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release.gpg Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner i386 Packages Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner TranslationIndex Ign http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Ign http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Ign http://extras.ubuntu.com precise InRelease Get:1 http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg [198 B] Err http://extras.ubuntu.com precise Release.gpg Could not connect to extras.ubuntu.com:80 (91.189.88.33). - connect (111: Connection refused) Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Get:2 http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg [198 B] Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Err http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: Get:3 http://dl.google.com stable Release [1,347 B] Get:4 http://dl.google.com stable Release [1,347 B] Get:5 http://dl.google.com stable/main i386 Packages [1,268 B] Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main TranslationIndex Get:6 http://dl.google.com stable/main i386 Packages [769 B] Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main TranslationIndex Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en_US Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en_US Ign http://dl.google.com stable/main Translation-en Fetched 5,127 B in 7s (673 B/s) Reading package lists... Done W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-security/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementary-os/stable/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementaryart/elementary-dev/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/midori/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/nemequ/sqlheavy/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/ricotz/docky/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/sgringwe/beatbox/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/webupd8team/y-ppa-manager/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/yorba/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/InRelease W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-updates/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-backports/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/dists/precise-security/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ftp.u-picardie.fr:http: W: Failed to fetch http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/partner/i18n/Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] W: Failed to fetch http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/partner/i18n/Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] W: Failed to fetch http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Could not connect to extras.ubuntu.com:80 (91.189.88.33). - connect (111: Connection refused) W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/caffeine-developers/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementary-os/stable/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/elementaryart/elementary-dev/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/midori/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/nemequ/sqlheavy/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/ricotz/docky/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/sgringwe/beatbox/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/webupd8team/y-ppa-manager/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Failed to fetch http://ppa.launchpad.net/yorba/ppa/ubuntu/dists/precise/Release.gpg Unable to connect to ppa.launchpad.net:http: W: Some index files failed to download. They have been ignored, or old ones used instead. W: Duplicate sources.list entry http://ppa.launchpad.net/nemequ/sqlheavy/ubuntu/ precise/main i386 Packages (/var/lib/apt/lists/ppa.launchpad.net_nemequ_sqlheavy_ubuntu_dists_precise_main_binary-i386_Packages) W: Duplicate sources.list entry http://ppa.launchpad.net/sgringwe/beatbox/ubuntu/ precise/main i386 Packages (/var/lib/apt/lists/ppa.launchpad.net_sgringwe_beatbox_ubuntu_dists_precise_main_binary-i386_Packages) Contents of /etc/apt/sources.list: # deb cdrom:[Ubuntu 11.10 _Oneiric Ocelot_ - Release i386 (20111012)]/ oneiric main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise main restricted #Added by software-properties # See http://help.ubuntu.com/community/UpgradeNotes for how to upgrade to # newer versions of the distribution. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise multiverse universe #Added by software-properties ## Major bug fix updates produced after the final release of the ## distribution. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates restricted main multiverse universe #Added by software-properties ## N.B. software from this repository is ENTIRELY UNSUPPORTED by the Ubuntu ## team. Also, please note that software in universe WILL NOT receive any ## review or updates from the Ubuntu security team. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise universe deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates universe ## N.B. software from this repository is ENTIRELY UNSUPPORTED by the Ubuntu ## team, and may not be under a free licence. Please satisfy yourself as to ## your rights to use the software. Also, please note that software in ## multiverse WILL NOT receive any review or updates from the Ubuntu ## security team. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise multiverse deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-updates multiverse ## N.B. software from this repository may not have been tested as ## extensively as that contained in the main release, although it includes ## newer versions of some applications which may provide useful features. ## Also, please note that software in backports WILL NOT receive any review ## or updates from the Ubuntu security team. deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-backports main restricted universe multiverse deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-backports main restricted universe multiverse #Added by software-properties deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security main restricted deb-src http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security restricted main multiverse universe #Added by software-properties deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security universe deb http://ftp.u-picardie.fr/mirror/ubuntu/ubuntu/ precise-security multiverse ## Uncomment the following two lines to add software from Canonical's ## 'partner' repository. ## This software is not part of Ubuntu, but is offered by Canonical and the ## respective vendors as a service to Ubuntu users. # deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu oneiric partner # deb-src http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu oneiric partner ## This software is not part of Ubuntu, but is offered by third-party ## developers who want to ship their latest software. deb http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise main deb-src http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise main Testing Alternate sources.list file These are the steps I followed to produce the following output: Please backup your sources.list: sudo cp /etc/apt/sources.list /etc/apt/sources.list.backup and then replace the contents of /etc/apt/sources.list with the below lines and run apt-get update: deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ precise main restricted universe multiverse deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ precise-updates main restricted universe multiverse deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/ precise-backports main restricted universe multiverse deb http://security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise-security main restricted universe multiverse deb http://archive.canonical.com/ubuntu precise partner deb http://extras.ubuntu.com/ubuntu precise main Output: someone@someone-UBook:~$ sudo apt-get update Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise InRelease Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release.gpg Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise Release Ign http://archive.ubuntu.com precise InRelease Ign http://extras.ubuntu.com precise InRelease Ign http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates InRelease Hit http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner i386 Packages Hit http://extras.ubuntu.com precise Release.gpg Ign http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports InRelease Ign http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner TranslationIndex Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en_US Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Err http://archive.canonical.com precise/partner Translation-en Unable to connect to archive.canonical.com:http: [IP: 91.189.92.150 80] Hit http://extras.ubuntu.com precise Release Get:1 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise Release.gpg [198 B] Ign http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Err http://dl.google.com stable InRelease Err http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg Unable to connect to dl.google.com:http: [IP: 173.194.34.38 80] Err http://dl.google.com stable Release.gpg Unable to connect to dl.google.com:http: [IP: 173.194.34.38 80] Get:2 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates Release.gpg [198 B] Hit http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main i386 Packages Get:3 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports Release.gpg [198 B] Ign http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security InRelease Ign http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main TranslationIndex Err http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main Translation-en_US Unable to connect to extras.ubuntu.com:http: Err http://extras.ubuntu.com precise/main Translation-en Unable to connect to extras.ubuntu.com:http: Get:4 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security Release.gpg [198 B] Get:5 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise Release [49.6 kB] Get:6 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security Release [49.6 kB] Get:7 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates Release [49.6 kB] Get:8 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports Release [49.6 kB] Get:9 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main i386 Packages [32.9 kB] Get:10 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/main i386 Packages [1,274 kB] Get:11 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted i386 Packages [14 B] Get:12 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe i386 Packages [8,594 B] Get:13 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse i386 Packages [1,393 B] Get:14 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main TranslationIndex [73 B] Get:15 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse TranslationIndex [71 B] Get:16 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted TranslationIndex [70 B] Get:17 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe TranslationIndex [72 B] Get:18 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main Translation-en [13.6 kB] Get:19 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse Translation-en [587 B] Get:20 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted Translation-en [14 B] Get:21 http://security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe Translation-en [6,261 B] Get:22 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/restricted i386 Packages [8,431 B] Get:23 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/universe i386 Packages [4,796 kB] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise InRelease Get:24 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Get:25 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Get:26 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:27 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:28 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Get:29 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:30 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg [316 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release.gpg Get:31 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:32 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:33 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/multiverse i386 Packages [121 kB] Get:34 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Get:35 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/multiverse TranslationIndex Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/restricted TranslationIndex Get:36 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/universe TranslationIndex Get:37 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:38 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/main i386 Packages [96.5 kB] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Get:39 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release [11.9 kB] Get:40 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/restricted i386 Packages [770 B] Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise Release Get:41 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/universe i386 Packages [27.7 kB] Get:42 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [524 B] Get:43 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/multiverse i386 Packages [1,393 B] Get:44 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [507 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/main TranslationIndex Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/multiverse TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/restricted TranslationIndex Get:45 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [932 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/universe TranslationIndex Get:46 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,017 B] Get:47 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/main i386 Packages [559 B] Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Get:48 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/restricted i386 Packages [14 B] Get:49 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/universe i386 Packages [1,391 B] Get:50 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [1,402 B] Get:51 http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/multiverse i386 Packages [14 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/main TranslationIndex Get:52 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,605 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/multiverse TranslationIndex Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/restricted TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/universe TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/main Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/multiverse Translation-en Get:53 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [931 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/restricted Translation-en Get:54 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [1,079 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise/universe Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/main Translation-en Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/multiverse Translation-en Hit http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/restricted Translation-en Ign http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main TranslationIndex Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-updates/universe Translation-en Get:55 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main Sources [3,611 B] Hit http://archive.ubuntu.com precise-backports/main Translation-en Get:56 http://ppa.launchpad.net precise/main i386 Packages [2,468 B] Hit 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  • You Might Be a DBA

    - by BuckWoody
    With all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I was up late Friday night on a holiday weekend (which translated into T-SQL becomes “Maintenance Window”) and I got bored in between the two or three minutes I had between clicks. So I started a “Twitter” meme – and it just took off. I haven’t cleaned these up much, but here, in author order as of Saturday the 29th of May is the list “You might be a DBA” from around the Twitterverse: buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have children older than the rest of your team #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You and the Oracle DBA would kill each other, but you'll happily fight off a developer together first #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've threatened to quit if they give anyone the sa password on production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to co-workers as "carbon-units" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Being paranoid is on your resume at the top #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everyone comes to your cube to find the MSDN DVD's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've worn down developers to get your way by explaining normalization levels #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to clothes as "Data Abstractions" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Users pester you to be able to put data in a database, then they pester you to take it out and put it in Excel #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Others try to de-duplicate data, you try to copy it to more than three locations #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one DLT tape in the trunk of your car #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your spouse knows what "ETL" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've referred to yourself as the "Data Janitor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You don't have positive connotations of the word "upgrade" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get your coffee before you check your servers, because you know you won't get any if you don't #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always come to work through the back door so no one hijacks you on the way to your cube #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You check your server logs before you check your e-mail in the morning so you can reply "Yeah, I already fixed that." #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have more conference badges than clean socks #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your coffee mug says "It depends" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can convince a boss that you need 16GB of RAM in your laptop #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've used ebay to find production equipment #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when your company is acquiring another even before the CFO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call aspirin "work vitamins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get the same amount of sleep even after you have a child #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You obsess about performance metrics from over one year ago #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you buy after the database software is aftermarket tools to manage the database software #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've tried to convince someone else to become a DBA #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You only know other DBA's by their Tweet Handle #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've explained the difference between 32 and 64-bit to more than one manager in terms they can understand, using puppets #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've driven to the Datacenter to install SQL Server because "you don't trust those NOC admins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pay more for faster Internet connections than cable at home so you don't have to drive in #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call texting a "queuing system" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that if someone can read Perl, they manage an Oracle system #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an e-mail rule for backup notifications #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your food pyramid includes coffee, salt and fat #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You wish everything had a graphical query plan #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refactor your e-mails #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've written blog posts on technology you've never actually implemented in production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody @MidnightDBA Click the #youmightbeaDBA tag. I've had WAY too much coffee today.  buckwoody There is no other position that is 1-deep except you and the CEO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody When you watch "The Office" you call it "OJT" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your blog would make a "best practices" or "worst practices" book #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you install on your netbook is SSMS #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your watch is set to UTC because it's just easier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody There are just as many females in your technical field as males #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to time as a "Clustered Index" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think a millisecond is a really long time #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You're sitting and typing #youmightbeaDBA when you could be outside #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't wait for a technical conference so you can wear a kilt - and you're not Scottish #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that "DBA" stands for "Default Blame Acceptor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know what "the truth, thole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Codd" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't talk fast enough to get a concept out of your head so you tweet it instead #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cry when someone doesn't use a WHERE clause #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think "Set theory" is not an verb but a noun #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You try to convince random strangers to vote on your Connect item #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think 3 hours of contiguous sleep is a good thing #youmightbeaDBA or #youmightbeamother  buckwoody You don't like Oracle, and not just because of what she did to Neo #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when to say "sequel" and "s-q-l" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know where the data is #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to your children as "Fully Redundant Mirrors" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your laptop is more powerful than the servers in most companies - including your own #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You capitalize SELECTed words #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cringe in public when the word "upgrade" is used in a sentence #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody All Data Is MetaData means something to you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've never seen the driveway to your house in the daylight #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Most of your bloodstream is composed of caffeine #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your task list is labeled "CRUD Matrix" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call your wife/husband a "Linked Server" #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When someone tells you they are going to take a dump and you wonder of which database then #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend and you are working #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When you sit down at a table and look for it's primary key #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When getting milk from the fridge you check the expiry date is > getdate() #youmightbeaDBA  blakmk when you wake up dreaming about sql #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You think a @buckwoody bobblehead would be a cool thing to have on the dashboard of your car #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your friends don't understand why you think there's a difference between single and double quotes #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Even the newest employees know your name from all the downtime notices you've sent out #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You sometimes feel anxious and think "I should test restoring those backups" and then the feeling passes #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You know what a co-worker means when they ask "how is your squirrel server?" #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You're willing to move someone's job up in priority for a box of #voodoodonuts #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Each person in your company seems to think you work for THEM #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You have a Love/Hate relationship going on with #Microsoft #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver People ask you to troubleshoot their Access program #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The first words you hear in the morning are 'your voicemail box is full' #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The thought of disrupting 500 people's work so you can do something doesn't phase you #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your home computer is backed up in 3 different places #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your wardrobe for work includes pajamas #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Someone tells you to look in the INDEX and you look puzzled before finally going to the back of the book. #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you have ever set up a SQLAgent job to email your mobile phone to serve as an alarm clock #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd wrestle a SysAdmin to the ground to implement #DPA best practices as per @aspiringgeek #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy I need to be up in 7 hours, so I'm off to bed! I'll have to read the rest of @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA posts in the AM. (g'night Buck!)  databaseguy When people ask you about your house, the first thing you describe is the network. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The last thing you say at the office each day is, "is anybody else here? I'm shutting off the lights!" #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your blood pressure rises when you read application specs drafted by marketing. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy A good day at work is one when nobody pays you no mind. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You care about latches and wait states. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have worked over 200 hours on a performance tuning project that required no application changes at all. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The late-night security guard knows the names of your spouse and kids. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have had vigorous debates about whether it should be pronounced "sequel" or "ess-queue-ell". #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have VPN and RDP software installed on your phone ... just in case. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have edited a data file by hand, just to see what would happen. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You decorate your office walls with database catalog posters. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You've built programs that access data just to keep other developers from asking you to run queries all the time. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When you watch movies like The Matrix, you find yourself calculating the fasibility of storing all that data. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have tried to convince someone to spend money on an SSD storage array. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When CPU is spiked on a server, you want to gather forensic evidence. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have to remind developers not to push code to production without checking if the database is ready. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Nobody cares what you wear to work, as long as the thing keeps running. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Telepathy is a job requirement when working with app dev teams. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You read database statistics for the educational value. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And your boss freely admits this to anyone within earshot. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your boss cannot explain or understand what you do. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You envision ERDs when you see a GUI. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You say things like "applications come and go, but data lasts forever." #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have memorized the names of several of the AdventureWorks employees. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You know what MAXDOP setting you can get away with for a big query based on current server load. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And you immediately recognize the recursion in my last tweet. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You find 50 simultaneous tweets from @buckwoody about #youmightbeaDBA :O)  DBAishness You have "funny stories" about the times your developers accidentally deleted the T-log in their test environment. #youmightbeaDBA  DBAishness Planning to slice and dice your MDW data with PowerPivot makes you giggle like a schoolgirl. #youmightbeaDBA  donalddotfarmer You think @buckwoody lives in the "real world." #youmightbeaDBA  jamach09 @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA Why go outside when you can sit in the nice cool server room?  jamach09 If you refer to procreation as "Replication", #youmightbeaDBA.  jamach09 If you think ORM is a four-letter word, #youmightbeaDBA  JamesMarsh If you have ever preached the value of Source Code Control, #YouMightBeADBA  jethrocarr @venzann You store your shopping list in a ACID compliant DB #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive @buckwoody thought it stood for "Don't Bother Asking" #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive when you check your IT Events Calendar before making weekend plans #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You cringe whenever someone calls Excel a database #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna When the waiter says he'll be your server today, you ask how many terabytes he is #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna you always call the asterisk a "Star" #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You walk into a server room, say "Nice RACK!" and everyone there knows you're talking about server rack... #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You receive more messages from servers than from friends #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna hmmm... #youmightbeaDBA if your recipe for gumbo is "SELECT * FROM Refrigerator"  markjholmes @SQLSoldier Heh. #youmightbeaDBA if you correct other DBAs' spelling of @PaulRandal  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you actually test RAID5 vs RAID10 on your SAN because when it comes to configuration, "it depends."  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you have at least 3 definitions of the word "cluster"  MarlonRibunal 3 Words: @BrentO, snicker, & Access #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @onpnt @mikeSQL my appeal was a couple of mins late. Enjoying #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL @onpnt pls, don't mention bacon #youmightbeaDBA  merv @buckwoody You HATE 3-way joins #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA If you're up at midnight Tweeting about SQL #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA @buckwoody I'd noticed that. :) #youmightbeaDBA  mikeSQL when people talk about "their type" you're thinking varchar, bigint, binary, etc #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL people ask you to go to lunch , but you can't go because you're attending #SQLlunch #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you think that @buckwoody's demo using PowerPivot to analyze index usage data from DMVs is awesome then #youmightbeaDBA  mrdenny You wish @PaulRandal still worked at Microsoft so that they would make a bobble head of him #youmightbeadba  mrdenny When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, and your posting stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you go out with friends and wonder why no one's wearing a kilt then #YouMightBeADBA  mrdenny You can't do basic math, but you know off the top of your head how many CALs $14,412 can buy you. #YoumightbeaDBA  mrdenny If you've ever setup a SQL Job to email you to get you out of a regularly scheduled meeting #YouMightBeADBA.  mrdenny You throw up in your mouth a little when ever you here the word "Access". Even if it doesn't relate to a MS product. #YouMightBeADBA  msdtjones You spend more time listening to @buckwoody than your wife #youmightbeaDBA  NFDotCom You perform "hail deltas" on a regular basis. #YouMightBeADBA  NoelMcKinney If you tell your wife you want to go to Columbus Ohio for your wedding anniversary so you can attend #sqlsat42 then #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney Someone asks you to throw another log on the fire and you tell them not to worry about it because Autogrowth is turned on #youmightbeaDBA  Nuurdygirl Even if you have a girlfriend...its possible #youmightbeadba. Yeah-i said its possible!  Nuurdygirl When your girlfriend has to lean around the laptop to kiss you goodnight #youmightbeadba  Old_Man_Fish If you worry about how big your package is and how long it takes to finish #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If you no longer wonder if someone is in trouble or died if you are getting calls at 2AM #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If, when you hear the word ACCESS with no connotation you blood pressure jumps 50 points, #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you hear the word inject you immediately get concerned if your databases are OK #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your servers haven't been rebooted in a year #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You know why it's funny when @PaulRandal has the word, "Sheep" in a tweet #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have read BOL without actually having a problem to figure out #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You can type "SELECT columns FROM tables" without typos but tipen ni Banglish ares a messis #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt DR strategies doesn't include the word, RAID in them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can move a SQL Server instance to a new server without the users ever knowing #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have made an SSIS package that is more than one step #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have the balls to say no to your boss when they ask for the sa password #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you google to trouble shoot a problem and end up at your own blog (and it fixes it) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You talk your wife into moving the family vacation a week earlier so you can attend the areas local SSUG meeting #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can explain to a nontechnical person what a deadlock is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You hope a girl asks you what your collation is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you make jokes that include the words shrink, truncate and 1205. And you are the only one that laughs at them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You rate your ability to stay awake to work longer on blogs, twitter, forums and your day to day job with the 5 9's goal #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you have major surgery and beg the doctor to release you back to work 5 days later because you miss your servers #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  onpnt You do have backups and you know how to use them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt It's the network #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When the developers get to work your mood changes rapidly #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When someone says, "PASS", you first think of karaoke #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Recruiters try to get you to call them *just* because they think you'll give them @BrentO contact info #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You chuckle every time you go to grab the "CLR" Calcium, Lime and Rust Remover to clean something #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt @MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL Sorry man, it was already in motion ;-) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you have an "I love bacon" sticker on your laptop. #youmightbeaDBA http://twitpic.com/1ry671  onpnt You sing SELECT statements in the shower #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you see a chicken it doesn't remind you of food. It reminds you of a guy named Jorge #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt At time, SQL is your mistress #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your wife wonders if SQL is the code name of your mistress at times #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt it's Friday and you are on twitter thinking really hard about what would be funny for hash tag #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You organize your wife's "decorative"pillows on the bed in a B-Tree structure #youmightbeaDBA  PaulWhiteNZ If you: SELECT TOP (1) milk FROM fridge WHERE use_by_date >= GET_DATE() ORDER BY use_by_date ASC #YouMightBeaDBA  RonDBA #youmightbeaDBA if you read @buckwoody's and @BrentO's blogs.  ryaneastabrook @buckwoody omg, you have to stand up a website with these on them, they are awesome #youmightbeaDBA  soulvy @StrateSQL @LadyRuna Or a "Splat" #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You retweet @buckwoody on a Friday night #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer Developers make you twitch #youmightbeaDBA  sqlagentman You know what X/1024*8 is. #YouMightBeADBA  SqlAsylum Your still in the office at 5:00 on memorial day weekend. #youmightbeadba :)  SQLBob Whenever someone you know gets pregnant you bring up INNER JOINs or SQL Injection attacks... #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You know one or more SQL folks in the community with an animal in their username #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You've used one or more car analogies to explain how a database works #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken “@sqljoe: #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you” lmao nice!  SQLChicken When talking about SSIS your discussions break down into various jokes about packages #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You really own a "Stick of Much Developer Whacking" #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you wished your wife knew T-sql. USE ShoppingList SELECT NecessaryItems from Supermarket WHERE Category<> ("junk food")  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if the first thing you kiss when you wake up is your mobile for not waking you up in the middle of the night  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your wife has a "Do Not Fly" family vacation list of her own including your laptop and mobile  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have researched for DBA Anonymous groups and attended a #SSUG willing to drop your database (vice)  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your only maintenance windows are staff meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think of yourself as "The One" in The Matrix "balancing the equation" from The Architect's (developers) poor coding  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think @PaulRandal should have played the Oracle in The Matrix  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if home CD & Movie collection is stored in secured containers,in logical order & naming convention,and with a backup copy  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have tried to TiVo @MidnightDBA broadcasts  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your #sql user group feels like #AA meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you thought of bringing your #sql books to #sqlsaturday and #sqlpass for autographs  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if #sqlpass feels like the #oscars  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you are proud of your small package  SQLLawman #youmightbeaDBA when you hear MDX and Acura is not first thought that comes to mind.  sqlrunner If your wife double checks that there isn't a SQLSat within 200 miles of your vacation destination #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner You treat the word 'access' as a verb, not a noun #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner If you are happy with sub-second performance #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner Your company set's up international phone coverage for your cruise #youmightbeaDBA  sqlsamson @buckwoody if your manager asks you for data and you respond with "there's a script for that" #youmightbeadba  sqlsamson @buckwoody If you receive more messages from your server then your spouse #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You've spent all night Valentines Day upgrading the SQL Servers and forgot to tell your wife you'd be working late. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You're flattered when someone calls you a geek. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier @llangit @mrdenny it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, & your reading stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier Your manager borrows lunch money from you because your salary is 30% higher than his. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You think "intellisense" is a double negative because it's not intelligent nor makes sense. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier 75% of the emails you receive at home have the phrase "now following you on Twitter!" in the subject line. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You petition Ken Burns to remake Office Space because it should have been 18 hours long. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You select a candidate for a Jr DBA position because his resume said he's willing to get your coffee. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Somebody misquotes @PaulRandall and you call him on your cell to verify. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wish the elevator in your building was slower because it's the last time you'll be left alone all day. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The developers sacrifice small animals before giving you their code for review. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Developers bring you coffee and a BLT when you review their code. #youmightbeaDBA #IWish  SQLSoldier You can get out of any family get-together by saying you have to work and nobody questions it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You've requested a HP Superdome for you "test" box. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier A dev. asks if you've heard about some great new feature in SQL and you show the 16 blog posts you wrote on it ... last year #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You use a cell phone service coverage map to plan your next vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You come in to work at 7 AM because it gives you at least 3 hours without any developers around. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You figure out a way to make take your wife on a cruise and deduct it as a business expense. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlcruise  SQLSoldier You name your cat SQLDog because the name @SQLCat was already taken. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You rate your blog posts based on the number of retweets you get. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You disable random logins just to mess with people. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You fall for the pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your think the 4 food groups are coffee, bacon, fast food, and Mountain Dew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You tell someone your job title and they ask "What?" You describe it and they ask "What?". So you say "computer geek". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The #1 referrer to your blog is Twitter.com. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your idea of a good time on a Saturday involves free training. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlsat43  SQLSoldier You write a book that all of your co-workers have and none have read it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You write a book that sells a couple thousand copies and is heralded a best seller. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier No matter how sick you are, you go to work if it's time to pass the pager on to the next guy. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier You go out on the town, and strangers walk up to you and say, "Hey you're that SQL guy" #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier Your wife asks you to fix something, and you request a downtime window. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your best pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You list TSQL as your native language on the 2010 census. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Starbucks' stock price drops every time you go on vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You're happy when the web master says that the website is down. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You get mad when someone calls your car a "heap" because you've always considered it to be a "clustered index". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your blog has more hits than your company's website. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You systematically remove the asterisk key from all keyboards in the company except yours. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier When asked if you recycle, you reply that you run sp_cycle_errorlog every night at midnight #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wouldn't allow someone named @AdamMachanic to work on your car. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You switch offices every 3 days to avoid developers #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier PSS has your number on speed dial. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You frown when you they tell Neo that he's going to the Oracle #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  Tarwn A pleasurable saturday means spending the day learning more about what you already do the rest of the week #youmightbeaDBA ...oh, wait...  thelostforum For great justice; all our base are belong to YOU !! #youmightbeadba  thelostforum @SQLSoldier: You need a witness to use a mirror #youmightbeaDBA ;)  TimCost you capitalize key words. always. everywhere. you can't help it, usually don't even notice. #youmightbeaDBA  Toshana Your the only one in your company not impressed with the developers new application. #youmightbeaDBA  venzann Coming soon from a (respected) book publisher - @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann I love the #youmightbeaDBA tag. Found at least 6 new DBAs to follow..  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann You use #sqlhelp as a primary resource during troubleshooting #youmightbeaDBA  venzann You insist on stricter password security for your sql servers than you implement on your own laptop #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @buckwoody you are up so late the only tweets you see are from @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @SQLSoldier you are upgrading all your 2005 prod servers to 2008 R2 on a three day weekend... #youmightbeaDBA  zippy1981 #youmightbeaDBA if everytime you do something with #mongodb you think of the Vulcan proverb "only Nixon could go to China."  Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | reddit! | kick it! | live it!

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