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• Conditional WHERE Clauses in SQL Server 2008

  - by user336786

  Hello, I am trying to execute a query on a table in my SQL Server 2008 database. I have a stored procedure that uses five int parameters. Currently, my parameters are defined as follows: @memberType int, @color int, @preference int, @groupNumber int, @departmentNumber int This procedure will be passed -1 or higher for each parameter. A value of -1 means that the WHERE clause should not consider that parameter in the join/clause. If the value of the parameter is greater than -1, I need to consider the value in my WHERE clause. I would prefer to NOT use an IF-ELSE statement because it seems sloppy for this case. I saw this question here. However, it did not work for me. I think the reason why is because each of the columns in my table can have a NULL value. Someone pointed this scenario out in the fifth answer. That appears to be happening to me. Is there a slick approach to my question? Or do I just need to brute force it (I hope not :(). Thank you!

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• CakePHP - recursive on specific fields in model?

  - by Paul

  Hi, I'm pretty new to CakePHP but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. I'm trying to pull related table information recursively, but I want to specify which related models to recurse on. Let me give you an example to demonstrate my goal: I have a model "Customer", which has info like Company name, website, etc. "Customer" hasMany "Addresses", which contain info for individual contacts like Contact Name, Street, City, State, Country, etc. "Customer" also belongsTo "CustomerType", which is just has descriptive category info - a name and description, like "Distributor" or "Manufacturer". When I do a find on "Customer" I want to get associated "CustomerType" and "Address" info as sub-arrays, and this works fine just by setting up the hasMany and belongsTo associations properly. But now, here's my issue: I want to get associated State/Country info. So, instead of each "Address" array row just having "state_id", I want it to have "state" = array("id" = 20, "name" = "New York",...) etc. If I set $recursive to a higher value (e.g., 2) in the Partner model, I get what I want for the State/Country info in each "Address". BUT it also recurses on "CustomerType", and that results in the "CustomerType" field of my "Partner" object having a huge array of all Customer objects that match that type, which could be thousands long. So the point is, I DON'T want to recurse on "CustomerType", only on "Address". Is there a way I can set this up? Sorry for the long-winded question, and thanks in advance!

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• C++ bughunt - High-score insertion in a vector crashes the program

  - by Francisco P.

  Hello, everyone! I have a game I'm working on. My players are stored in a vector, and, at the end of the game, the game crashes when trying to insert the high-scores in the correct positions. Here's what I have (please ignore the portuguese comments, the code is pretty straightforward :P): //TOTAL_HIGHSCORES is the max. number of hiscores that i'm willing to store. This is set as 10. bool Game::updateHiScores() { bool stopIterating; bool scoresChanged = false; //Se ainda nao existirem TOTAL_HISCORES melhores pontuacoes ou se a pontuacao for melhor que uma das existentes for (size_t i = 0; i < players.size(); ++i) { //&& !(players[i].isAI()) if (players[i].getScoreValue() > 0 && (hiScores.size() < TOTAL_HISCORES || hiScores.back() < players[i].getScore())) { scoresChanged = true; if(hiScores.empty() || hiScores.back() >= players[i].getScore()) hiScores.push_back(players[i].getScore()); else { //Ciclo que encontra e insere a pontuacao no lugar desejado stopIterating = false; for(vector<Score>::iterator it = hiScores.begin(); it < hiScores.end() && !(stopIterating); ++it) { if(*it <= players[i].getScore()) { //E inserida na posicao 'it' o Score correspondente hiScores.insert(it, players[i].getScore()); //Verifica se o comprimento do vector esta dentro do desejado, se nao estiver, este e rectificado if (hiScores.size() > TOTAL_HISCORES) hiScores.pop_back(); stopIterating = true; } } } } } if (scoresChanged) sort(hiScores.begin(), hiScores.end(), higher); return scoresChanged; } What am I doing wrong here? Thanks for your time, fellas.

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• Sorting a very large text file in Java

  - by Alice

  Hi, I have a large text file I need to sort in Java. The format is: word [tab] frequency [new line] The algorithm for sorting is: Read some of the file, filtering for purlely alphabetic words. Once you have X number of alphabetic words, call Collections.sort and write the result to a file. Repeat until you have finished reading the file. Start reading two sorted files, comparing line by line for the word with higher frequency, and writing at the same time to a new file as to not load much into your memory Repeat until all files are merged into one large file Right now I've divided the large file into smaller ones (sorted by descending frequency) with 10,000 lines each. I know I need to somehow merge these files back together, but I'm not sure how to go about this. I've created a LinkedList to keep track of all the files created. The algorithm says to compare each line in the two files, except I've tried a case where , say file1 = 8,6,5,3,1 and file2 = 9,8,8,8,8. Then if I compare them line by line I would get file3 = 9,8,8,6,8,5,8,3,8,1 which is incorrectly sorted (they should be in decreasing order). I think I'm misunderstanding some part of the algorithm. If someone could point out what I should do instead, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks. edit: Yes this is an assignment. We aren't allowed to increase memory unfortunately :(

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• Why does my binding break down on SilverLight ProgressBars?

  - by Bill Jeeves

  I asked a similar question about charts but I have given up on that and I am using progress bars instead. Essentially, I have ten progress bars in a Silverlight control. Each is showing a different value and updating every couple of seconds (it's a process monitor). Each progress bar has the same minimum value and maximum value so the bars can be compared. Trying to follow the M-V-VM model, I have bound the value of each bar to a property in my ViewModel. All of the maximum values for the bar are bound to a single property. When the model updates, the values and the maximum can all update. This allows the bars to re-scale as the sizes grow. I'm finding that the binding will stop working sometimes on one or more bars. I suspect it is because a bar's value becomes higher than the maximum occasionally. This is because if I update the maximums first and they are going down, the values will be to high. If I update the values first when the maximum needs increasing, the values are too high again. Is there a way to stop this behaviour? Some way, perhaps, to tell the progress bars that it's OK to temporarily go too high? Or some way to tell the bindings that they shouldn't be disabled when this happens? Or maybe I've got this completely wrong and there's some other issue with ProgressBar binding I don't know about?

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• Need help optimizing this Django aggregate query

  - by Chris Lawlor

  I have the following model class Plugin(models.Model): name = models.CharField(max_length=50) # more fields which represents a plugin that can be downloaded from my site. To track downloads, I have class Download(models.Model): plugin = models.ForiegnKey(Plugin) timestamp = models.DateTimeField(auto_now=True) So to build a view showing plugins sorted by downloads, I have the following query: # pbd is plugins by download - commented here to prevent scrolling pbd = Plugin.objects.annotate(dl_total=Count('download')).order_by('-dl_total') Which works, but is very slow. With only 1,000 plugins, the avg. response is 3.6 - 3.9 seconds (devserver with local PostgreSQL db), where a similar view with a much simpler query (sorting by plugin release date) takes 160 ms or so. I'm looking for suggestions on how to optimize this query. I'd really prefer that the query return Plugin objects (as opposed to using values) since I'm sharing the same template for the other views (Plugins by rating, Plugins by release date, etc.), so the template is expecting Plugin objects - plus I'm not sure how I would get things like the absolute_url without a reference to the plugin object. Or, is my whole approach doomed to failure? Is there a better way to track downloads? I ultimately want to provide users some nice download statistics for the plugins they've uploaded - like downloads per day/week/month. Will I have to calculate and cache Downloads at some point? EDIT: In my test dataset, there are somewhere between 10-20 Download instances per Plugin - in production I expect this number would be much higher for many of the plugins.

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• MDX: Filtering a member set by a measure's table values

  - by oyvinro

  I have some numbers in a fact table, and have generated a measure which use the SUM aggregator to summarize the numbers. But the problem is that I only want to sum the numbers that are higher than, say 10. I tried using a generic expression in the measure definition, and that works of course, but the problem is that I need to be able to dynamically set that value, because it's not always 10, meaning users should be able to select it themselves. More specifically, my current MDX looks like this: WITH SET [Email Measures] AS '{[Measures].[Number Of Answered Cases], [Measures].[Max Expedition Time First In Case], [Measures].[Avg Expedition Times First In Case], [Measures].[Number Of Incoming Email Requests], [Measures].[Avg Number Of Emails In Cases], [Measures].[Avg Expedition Times Total],[Measures].[Number Of Answered Incoming Emails]}' SET [Organizations] AS '{[Organization.Id].[860]}' SET [Operators] AS '{[Operator.Id].[3379],[Operator.Id].[3181]}' SET [Email Accounts] AS '{[Email Account.Id].[6]}' MEMBER [Time.Date].[Date Period] AS Aggregate ({[Time.Date].[2008].[11].[11] :[Time.Date].[2009].[1].[2] }) MEMBER [Email.Type].[Email Types] AS Aggregate ({[Email.Type].[0]}) SELECT {[Email Measures]} ON columns, [Operators] ON rows FROM [Email_Fact] WHERE ( [Time.Date].[Date Period] ) Now, the member in question is the calculated member [Avg Expedition Times Total]. This member takes in two measures; [Sum Expedition Times] and [Nr of Expedition Times] and splits one on the other to get the average, all this presently works. However, I want [Sum Expedition Times] to only summarize values over or under a parameter of my/the user's wish. How do I filter the numbers [Sum Expedition Times] iterates through, rather than filtering on the sum that the measure gives me in the end?

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• How do I constrain a container's height to the height of a specific content element?

  - by Robert Rossney

  I'm trying to do something which seems like it should be extremely simple and yet I can't see how. I have a very simple layout, a TextBox with an image next to it, similar to the way it might look adorned with an ErrorProvider in a WinForms application. The problem is, I want the image to be no higher than the TextBox it's next to. If I lay it out like this, say: <Grid> <Grid.RowDefinitions> <RowDefinition Height="Auto"/> </Grid.RowDefinitions> <Grid.ColumnDefinitions> <ColumnDefinition Width="Auto"/> <ColumnDefinition Width="Auto"/> </Grid.ColumnDefinitions> <TextBox Grid.Row="0" Grid.Column="0" MinWidth="100"/> <Image Grid.Row="0" Grid.Column="1" Source="error.png" /> </Grid> the row will size to the height of the image if the image is taller than the TextBox. This also happens if I use a DockPanel or StackPanel. The naive solution would be to bind the Height to the TextBox's ActualHeight. I'm sure this is wrong. But what's right?

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• uint64_t has incorrectly reached 18,446,744,071,590,568,320

  - by user3400450

  Whenever I input an age of 65 or less, I get a number somewhere less than 2,100,000. However, when I input an age of 68 or higher, the result is instantly put at 18,446,744,071,590,568,320, which is the maximum value for uint64_t. I have no idea why there is this jump in results. It works fine all the way until about 2,100,000. // How many seconds have I lived? #include <stdio.h> #include <string> #include <cstdint> using namespace std; string addCommas(uint64_t answer); int main () { int seconds = 60, minutes = 60, hours = 24, days = 365; int years; uint64_t secondsLived, secondsAwake; printf("How many years have you lived? "); scanf("%d",&years); secondsLived = seconds*minutes*hours*days*years; secondsAwake = (float)secondsLived*0.666; printf("\nYou have existed for %s seconds\n",addCommas(secondsLived).c_str()); printf("You have been awake for %s seconds\n",addCommas(secondsAwake).c_str()); } string addCommas(uint64_t answer){ string num = to_string(answer); int insertplace = (int)num.length() - 3; while (insertplace > 0) { num.insert(insertplace, ","); insertplace-=3; } return num; } Here are a couple outputs: How many years have you lived? 67 You have existed for 2,112,912,000 seconds You have been awake for 1,407,199,392 seconds How many years have you lived? 69 You have existed for 18,446,744,071,590,568,320 seconds You have been awake for 12,285,531,553,090,562,048 seconds

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• Scroll to item in listview in Silverlight 3.

  - by the empirical programmer

  I have a silverlight 3 app with a textbox on the main window and a childwindow that has a list of all the potential textbox values. When I open that childwindow I want it to scroll to the correct one in the list. I'm trying to do this with the code below...using the ScrollIntoView. It was not working at all until I add the UpdateLayerout(). However it does not seem to work all the time. At times it scrolls but not all the way to the item, it is a few items higher than it should be. The listbox is in an Accordion and the list items use a ItemTemplate\DataTemplate, not sure if that effects anything but thought I'd mention it. Any ideas what I'm missing in the code below? What I would like is to scroll the item to the top of the list ....any ideas how to that? (Or any other suggestions on how to code this better) Thanks! for (int index = 0; index < myList.Items.Count; index++) { object obj = myList.Items[index]; var listItem= obj as listItemObject; if (listItemObj != null) { if (string.Compare(listItemObj.id, _PastedInId, StringComparison.InvariantCultureIgnoreCase) == 0) { selectThisIndex = index; scrollToThisItem = obj; } } } myList.SelectedIndex = selectThisIndex; if (scrollToThisItem != null){ myList.UpdateLayout(); myList.ScrollIntoView(scrollToThisItem); }

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• How to efficiently get highest & lowest values from a List<double?>, and then modify them?

  - by DaveDev

  I have to get the sum of a list of doubles. If the sum is 100, I have to decrement from the highest number until it's = 100. If the sum is < 100, I have to increment the lowest number until it's = 100. I can do this by looping though the list, assigning the values to placeholder variables and testing which is higher or lower but I'm wondering if any gurus out there could suggest a super cool & efficient way to do this? The code below basically outlines what I'm trying to achieve: var splitValues = new List<double?>(); splitValues.Add(Math.Round(assetSplit.EquityTypeSplit() ?? 0)); splitValues.Add(Math.Round(assetSplit.PropertyTypeSplit() ?? 0)); splitValues.Add(Math.Round(assetSplit.FixedInterestTypeSplit() ?? 0)); splitValues.Add(Math.Round(assetSplit.CashTypeSplit() ?? 0)); var listSum = splitValues.Sum(split => split.Value); if (listSum != 100) { if (listSum > 100) { // how to get highest value and decrement by 1 until listSum == 100 // then reassign back into the splitValues list? var highest = // ?? } else { // how to get lowest where value is > 0, and increment by 1 until listSum == 100 // then reassign back into the splitValues list? var lowest = // ?? } } update: the list has to remain in the same order as the items are added.

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• How do I prevent a <td> from being too high?

  - by Cornflake

  It must be something stupid, but I can't figure it out so far... Here is my HTML: <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" border="0"> <tr> <td style="height: 8px"><img src="/media/note2.png" width="8" height="8" border="0"></td> <td style="height: 8px"></td> <td style="height: 8px"><img src="/media/note1.png" width="8" height="8" border="0"></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="NoteCell"></td> <td class="NoteCell">{{ text }}</td> <td class="NoteCell"></td> </tr> <tr> <td style="height: 8px"><img src="/media/note4.png" width="8" height="8" border="0"></td> <td style="height: 8px"></td> <td style="height: 8px"><img src="/media/note3.png" width="8" height="8" border="0"></td> </tr> I'm expecting the first and third rows to have a height of 8 pixels, but for some reason they are much higher (as if there was text inside, but there is no text!) Puzzled... Any help will be appreciated!

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• Pthread - setting scheduler parameters

  - by Andna

  I wanted to use read-writer locks from pthread library in a way, that writers have priority over readers. I read in my man pages that If the Thread Execution Scheduling option is supported, and the threads involved in the lock are executing with the scheduling policies SCHED_FIFO or SCHED_RR, the calling thread shall not acquire the lock if a writer holds the lock or if writers of higher or equal priority are blocked on the lock; otherwise, the calling thread shall acquire the lock. so I wrote small function that sets up thread scheduling options. void thread_set_up(int _thread) { struct sched_param *_param=malloc(sizeof (struct sched_param)); int *c=malloc(sizeof(int)); *c=sched_get_priority_min(SCHED_FIFO)+1; _param->__sched_priority=*c; long *a=malloc(sizeof(long)); *a=syscall(SYS_gettid); int *b=malloc(sizeof(int)); *b=SCHED_FIFO; if (pthread_setschedparam(*a,*b,_param) == -1) { //depending on which thread calls this functions, few thing can happen if (_thread == MAIN_THREAD) client_cleanup(); else if (_thread==ACCEPT_THREAD) { pthread_kill(params.main_thread_id,SIGINT); pthread_exit(NULL); } } } sorry for those a,b,c but I tried to malloc everything, still I get SIGSEGV on the call to pthread_setschedparam, I am wondering why?

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• Weird send() problem (with Wireshark log)

  - by Meta

  I had another question about this issue, but I didn't ask properly, so here I go again! I'm sending a file by sending it in chunks. Right now, I'm playing around with different numbers for the size of that chunk, to see what size is the most efficient. When testing on the localhost, any chunk size seems to work fine. But when I tested it over the network, it seems like the maximum chunk size is 8191 bytes. If I try anything higher, the transfer becomes extremely, painfully, slow. To show what happens, here are the first 100 lines of Wireshark logs when I use a chunk size of 8191 bytes, and when I use a chunk size of 8192 bytes: (the sender is 192.168.0.102, and the receiver is 192.168.0.100) 8191: http://pastebin.com/E7jFFY4p 8192: http://pastebin.com/9P2rYa1p Notice how in the 8192 log, on line 33, the receiver takes a long time to ACK the data. This happens again on line 103 and line 132. I believe this delay is the root of the problem. Note that I have not modified the SO_SNDBUF option nor the TCP_NODELAY option. So my question is, why am I getting delayed ACKs when sending files in chunks of 8192 bytes, when everything works fine when using chunks of 8191 bytes? Edit: As an experiment, I tried to do the file transfer in the other direction (from 192.168.0.100 to 192.168.0.102), and surprisingly, any number worked! (Although numbers around 8000 seemed to perform the smoothest). So then the problem is with my computer! But I'm really not sure what to check for. Edit 2: Here is the pseudocode I use to send and receive data.

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• Problem with running totals in jquery

  - by rshivers

  I'm having an issue trying to get an accurate running total for my calculations. When you enter numbers into the input field I get an accurate total for that line item, but the grand total comes out to a higher number. Note that this is a dynamic form and that the id's will change depending on how many form fields I have added to the form. Also, I have it set to make the calculations onKeyUp for each input field instead of a calculate button. The code that calculates a single item is this: function calcLineItem(id) { var id = $(id).attr("id"); var Item1 = $("#Item1" + id).val(); var Item2 = $("#Item2" + id).val(); var Item3 = $("#Item3" + id).val(); function calcTotal(Item1, Item2, Item3){ var total; total = Math.round((Item1 * Item2) * Item3); return total; } $("#total" + id).text(calcTotal(Item1, Item2, Item3)); calcAllFields(); } This will give me the total of this particular input field. The function at the end, calcAllFields(), is supposed to do the calculations for all items in my form to give me the grand total of all input fields: function calcAllFields(id) { var id = $(id).attr("id"); $('#target1').text($("#total" + id).map(function() { var currentValue = parseFloat(document.getElementById("currentTotal").value); var newValue = parseFloat($("#total" + id).text()); var newTotal = currentValue + newValue; document.getElementById("currentTotal").value = newTotal; return newTotal; }).get().join()); } The variable currentTotal is getting its value from a hidden field on my form: <input type="hidden" id="currentTotal" value="0"> As I enter numbers a field the calculation for that line will be accurate, but the grand total will be inaccurate because the value for currentTotal will continue to increment with every key stroke I make in the input field. Any ideas on how to avoid this from happening?

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• Calculating with a variable outside of its bounds in C

  - by aquanar

  If I make a calculation with a variable where an intermediate part of the calculation goes higher then the bounds of that variable type, is there any hazard that some platforms may not like? This is an example of what I'm asking: int a, b; a=30000; b=(a*32000)/32767; I have compiled this, and it does give the correct answer of 29297 (well, within truncating error, anyway). But the part that worries me is that 30,000*32,000 = 960,000,000, which is a 30-bit number, and thus cannot be stored in a 16-bit int. The end result is well within the bounds of an int, but I was expecting that whatever working part of memory would have the same size allocated as the largest source variables did, so an overflow error would occur. This is just a small example to show my problem, I am trying to avoid using floating points by making the fraction be a fraction of the max amount able to be stored in that variable (in this case, a signed integer, so 32767 on the positive side), because the embedded system I'm using I believe does not have an FPU. So how do most processors handle calculations out of the bounds of the source and destination variables?

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• Making more recent items more likely to be drawn

  - by bobo

  There are a few hundred of book records in the database and each record has a publish time. In the homepage of the website, I am required to write some codes to randomly pick 10 books and put them there. The requirement is that newer books need to have higher chances of getting displayed. Since the time is an integer, I am thinking like this to calculate the probability for each book: Probability of a book to be drawn = (current time - publish time of the book) / ((current time - publish time of the book1) + (current time - publish time of the book1) + ... (current time - publish time of the bookn)) After a book is drawn, the next round of the loop will minus the (current time - publish time of the book) from the denominator and recalculate the probability for each of the remaining books, the loop continues until 10 books have been drawn. Is this algorithm a correct one? By the way, the website is written in PHP. Feel free to suggest some PHP codes if you have a better algorithm in your mind. Many thanks to you all.

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• How to approach socket programming between C# -> Java (Android)

  - by Alex

  I've recently knocked up a server/client app for Windows & Android that allows one to send a file from Windows to an android phone over a socket connection. It works great for a single file but trying to send multiple files over in a single stream is causing me problems. I've also realised that aside from the binary data, I will need to send messages over the socket to indicate error states and other application messages. I have little experience with network programming and and wondering what is the best way forward. Basically the C# server side of the app just goes into a listening state and uses Socket.SendFile to transmit the file. On Android I use the standard Java Socket.getInputStream() to receive the file. That works great for a single file transfer, but how should I handle multiple files and error/messaging information? Do I need to use a different socket for each file? Should I be using a higher level framework to handle this or can I send everything over the single socket? Any other suggestions for frameworks or learning materials?

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• jQuery - if div height over 'x', show only content within the visible div, add an image and scroll u

  - by Nicki

  Apologies, I'm very new to jQuery. I am trying to apply jQuery to a div which could contain any number of p tags of varying length or none at all. Depending on the assembled p's this div needs to maintain a height of 45px. If the p's contained therein push the div to be higher than 45px then I need to add an anchor image which users can click allowing the div to slide up and reveal the div's contents. I've browsed the plugins but can't find anything to cater for this. <div class="SummaryExtras"> <h3><span>h3 Title</span></h3> <div> <p class="Extra">text</p> <p class="Extra">text</p> <p class="Extra">text</p> <p class="Extra">text</p> <p class="Extra">text</p> </div> <div class="SummaryExtrasBottom"></div> </div>

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• linux process scheduling delayed for long time

  - by Medicine

  I have done strace on my multi-threaded c++ application running on linux after couple hours of running, none of the threads got run, for about 12 seconds. I have seen that the unfinished select system call which is called with a timeout was unfinished before the thread was suspended, reported after it resumed that, it took 11.x seconds for the operation to finish. This is clear indication that the process got starved for a long time. All threads in the process are created with default scheduling policy(SCHED_OTHER) of linux and default priority. There are another 5 similar apps running on the same box which are also heavy I/O bound like this app due to heavy data received on the socket. But most of the time, this app is getting scheduled delay. The other apps are created with same sched policy and priority as this i.e. the defaults. why is only this process gets blocked almost all of the time? Could it be because this process is more I/O intensive as in more busy due to may be higher rates of data? So, the linux dynamic priority adjusting in play here which pushed this process down?

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• Reporting Services - It's a Wrap!

  - by smisner

  If you have any experience at all with Reporting Services, you have probably developed a report using the matrix data region. It's handy when you want to generate columns dynamically based on data. If users view a matrix report online, they can scroll horizontally to view all columns and all is well. But if they want to print the report, the experience is completely different and you'll have to decide how you want to handle dynamic columns. By default, when a user prints a matrix report for which the number of columns exceeds the width of the page, Reporting Services determines how many columns can fit on the page and renders one or more separate pages for the additional columns. In this post, I'll explain two techniques for managing dynamic columns. First, I'll show how to use the RepeatRowHeaders property to make it easier to read a report when columns span multiple pages, and then I'll show you how to "wrap" columns so that you can avoid the horizontal page break. Included with this post are the sample RDLs for download. First, let's look at the default behavior of a matrix. A matrix that has too many columns for one printed page (or output to page-based renderer like PDF or Word) will be rendered such that the first page with the row group headers and the inital set of columns, as shown in Figure 1. The second page continues by rendering the next set of columns that can fit on the page, as shown in Figure 2.This pattern continues until all columns are rendered. The problem with the default behavior is that you've lost the context of employee and sales order - the row headers - on the second page. That makes it hard for users to read this report because the layout requires them to flip back and forth between the current page and the first page of the report. You can fix this behavior by finding the RepeatRowHeaders of the tablix report item and changing its value to True. The second (and subsequent pages) of the matrix now look like the image shown in Figure 3. The problem with this approach is that the number of printed pages to flip through is unpredictable when you have a large number of potential columns. What if you want to include all columns on the same page? You can take advantage of the repeating behavior of a tablix and get repeating columns by embedding one tablix inside of another. For this example, I'm using SQL Server 2008 R2 Reporting Services. You can get similar results with SQL Server 2008. (In fact, you could probably do something similar in SQL Server 2005, but I haven't tested it. The steps would be slightly different because you would be working with the old-style matrix as compared to the new-style tablix discussed in this post.) I created a dataset that queries AdventureWorksDW2008 tables: SELECT TOP (100) e.LastName + ', ' + e.FirstName AS EmployeeName, d.FullDateAlternateKey, f.SalesOrderNumber, p.EnglishProductName, sum(SalesAmount) as SalesAmount FROM FactResellerSales AS f INNER JOIN DimProduct AS p ON p.ProductKey = f.ProductKey INNER JOIN DimDate AS d ON d.DateKey = f.OrderDateKey INNER JOIN DimEmployee AS e ON e.EmployeeKey = f.EmployeeKey GROUP BY p.EnglishProductName, d.FullDateAlternateKey, e.LastName + ', ' + e.FirstName, f.SalesOrderNumber ORDER BY EmployeeName, f.SalesOrderNumber, p.EnglishProductName To start the report: Add a matrix to the report body and drag Employee Name to the row header, which also creates a group. Next drag SalesOrderNumber below Employee Name in the Row Groups panel, which creates a second group and a second column in the row header section of the matrix, as shown in Figure 4. Now for some trickiness. Add another column to the row headers. This new column will be associated with the existing EmployeeName group rather than causing BIDS to create a new group. To do this, right-click on the EmployeeName textbox in the bottom row, point to Insert Column, and then click Inside Group-Right. Then add the SalesOrderNumber field to this new column. By doing this, you're creating a report that repeats a set of columns for each EmployeeName/SalesOrderNumber combination that appears in the data. Next, modify the first row group's expression to group on both EmployeeName and SalesOrderNumber. In the Row Groups section, right-click EmployeeName, click Group Properties, click the Add button, and select [SalesOrderNumber]. Now you need to configure the columns to repeat. Rather than use the Columns group of the matrix like you might expect, you're going to use the textbox that belongs to the second group of the tablix as a location for embedding other report items. First, clear out the text that's currently in the third column - SalesOrderNumber - because it's already added as a separate textbox in this report design. Then drag and drop a matrix into that textbox, as shown in Figure 5. Again, you need to do some tricks here to get the appearance and behavior right. We don't really want repeating rows in the embedded matrix, so follow these steps: Click on the Rows label which then displays RowGroup in the Row Groups pane below the report body. Right-click on RowGroup,click Delete Group, and select the option to delete associated rows and columns. As a result, you get a modified matrix which has only a ColumnGroup in it, with a row above a double-dashed line for the column group and a row below the line for the aggregated data. Let's continue: Drag EnglishProductName to the data textbox (below the line). Add a second data row by right-clicking EnglishProductName, pointing to Insert Row, and clicking Below. Add the SalesAmount field to the new data textbox. Now eliminate the column group row without eliminating the group. To do this, right-click the row above the double-dashed line, click Delete Rows, and then select Delete Rows Only in the message box. Now you're ready for the fit and finish phase: Resize the column containing the embedded matrix so that it fits completely. Also, the final column in the matrix is for the column group. You can't delete this column, but you can make it as small as possible. Just click on the matrix to display the row and column handles, and then drag the right edge of the rightmost column to the left to make the column virtually disappear. Next, configure the groups so that the columns of the embedded matrix will wrap. In the Column Groups pane, right-click ColumnGroup1 and click on the expression button (labeled fx) to the right of Group On [EnglishProductName]. Replace the expression with the following: =RowNumber("SalesOrderNumber" ). We use SalesOrderNumber here because that is the name of the group that "contains" the embedded matrix. The next step is to configure the number of columns to display before wrapping. Click any cell in the matrix that is not inside the embedded matrix, and then double-click the second group in the Row Groups pane - SalesOrderNumber. Change the group expression to the following expression: =Ceiling(RowNumber("EmployeeName")/3) The last step is to apply formatting. In my example, I set the SalesAmount textbox's Format property to C2 and also right-aligned the text in both the EnglishProductName and the SalesAmount textboxes. And voila - Figure 6 shows a matrix report with wrapping columns. Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | reddit! | kick it! | live it!

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• Simplify your Ajax code by using jQuery Global Ajax Handlers and ajaxSetup low-level interface

  - by hajan

  Creating web applications with consistent layout and user interface is very important for your users. In several ASP.NET projects I’ve completed lately, I’ve been using a lot jQuery and jQuery Ajax to achieve rich user experience and seamless interaction between the client and the server. In almost all of them, I took advantage of the nice jQuery global ajax handlers and jQuery ajax functions. Let’s say you build web application which mainly interacts using Ajax post and get to accomplish various operations. As you may already know, you can easily perform Ajax operations using jQuery Ajax low-level method or jQuery $.get, $.post, etc. Simple get example: $.get("/Home/GetData", function (d) { alert(d); }); As you can see, this is the simplest possible way to make Ajax call. What it does in behind is constructing low-level Ajax call by specifying all necessary information for the request, filling with default information set for the required properties such as data type, content type, etc... If you want to have some more control over what is happening with your Ajax Request, you can easily take advantage of the global ajax handlers. In order to register global ajax handlers, jQuery API provides you set of global Ajax methods. You can find all the methods in the following link http://api.jquery.com/category/ajax/global-ajax-event-handlers/, and these are: ajaxComplete ajaxError ajaxSend ajaxStart ajaxStop ajaxSuccess And the low-level ajax interfaces http://api.jquery.com/category/ajax/low-level-interface/: ajax ajaxPrefilter ajaxSetup For global settings, I usually use ajaxSetup combining it with the ajax event handlers. $.ajaxSetup is very good to help you set default values that you will use in all of your future Ajax Requests, so that you won’t need to repeat the same properties all the time unless you want to override the default settings. Mainly, I am using global ajaxSetup function similarly to the following way: $.ajaxSetup({ cache: false, error: function (x, e) { if (x.status == 550) alert("550 Error Message"); else if (x.status == "403") alert("403. Not Authorized"); else if (x.status == "500") alert("500. Internal Server Error"); else alert("Error..."); }, success: function (x) { //do something global on success... } }); .csharpcode, .csharpcode pre { font-size: small; color: black; font-family: consolas, "Courier New", courier, monospace; background-color: #ffffff; /*white-space: pre;*/ } .csharpcode pre { margin: 0em; } .csharpcode .rem { color: #008000; } .csharpcode .kwrd { color: #0000ff; } .csharpcode .str { color: #006080; } .csharpcode .op { color: #0000c0; } .csharpcode .preproc { color: #cc6633; } .csharpcode .asp { background-color: #ffff00; } .csharpcode .html { color: #800000; } .csharpcode .attr { color: #ff0000; } .csharpcode .alt { background-color: #f4f4f4; width: 100%; margin: 0em; } .csharpcode .lnum { color: #606060; } Now, you can make ajax call using low-level $.ajax interface and you don’t need to worry about specifying any of the properties we’ve set in the $.ajaxSetup function. So, you can create your own ways to handle various situations when your Ajax requests are occurring. Sometimes, some of your Ajax Requests may take much longer than expected… So, in order to make user friendly UI that will show some progress bar or animated image that something is happening in behind, you can combine ajaxStart and ajaxStop methods to do the same. First of all, add one <div id=”loading” style=”display:none;”> <img src="@Url.Content("~/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif")" alt="Ajax Loader" /></div> anywhere on your Master Layout / Master page (you can download nice ajax loading images from http://ajaxload.info/). Then, add the following two handlers: $(document).ajaxStart(function () { $("#loading").attr("style", "position:absolute; z-index: 1000; top: 0px; "+ "left:0px; text-align: center; display:none; background-color: #ddd; "+ "height: 100%; width: 100%; /* These three lines are for transparency "+ "in all browsers. */-ms-filter:\"progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.Alpha(Opacity=50)\";"+ " filter: alpha(opacity=50); opacity:.5;"); $("#loading img").attr("style", "position:relative; top:40%; z-index:5;"); $("#loading").show(); }); $(document).ajaxStop(function () { $("#loading").removeAttr("style"); $("#loading img").removeAttr("style"); $("#loading").hide(); }); .csharpcode, .csharpcode pre { font-size: small; color: black; font-family: consolas, "Courier New", courier, monospace; background-color: #ffffff; /*white-space: pre;*/ } .csharpcode pre { margin: 0em; } .csharpcode .rem { color: #008000; } .csharpcode .kwrd { color: #0000ff; } .csharpcode .str { color: #006080; } .csharpcode .op { color: #0000c0; } .csharpcode .preproc { color: #cc6633; } .csharpcode .asp { background-color: #ffff00; } .csharpcode .html { color: #800000; } .csharpcode .attr { color: #ff0000; } .csharpcode .alt { background-color: #f4f4f4; width: 100%; margin: 0em; } .csharpcode .lnum { color: #606060; } Note: While you can reorganize the style in a more reusable way, since these are global Ajax Start/Stop, it is very possible that you won’t use the same style in other places. With this way, you will see that now for any ajax request in your web site or application, you will have the loading image appearing providing better user experience. What I’ve shown is several useful examples on how to simplify your Ajax code by using Global Ajax Handlers and the low-level AjaxSetup function. Of course, you can do a lot more with the other methods as well. Hope this was helpful. Regards, Hajan

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• Remote Desktop to Your Azure Virtual Machine

  - by Shaun

  The Windows Azure Team had just published their new development portal this week and the SDK 1.3. Within this new release there are a lot of cool feature available. The one I’m looking forward to is Remote Desktop Access to your running Windows Azure Virtual Machine.   Configuration Remote Desktop Access It would be very simple to make the azure service enable the remote desktop access. First of all let’s create a new windows azure project from the Visual Studio. In this example I just created a normal MVC 2 web role without any modifications. Then we right-click the azure project node in the solution explorer window and select “Publish”. Then let’s select the “Deploy your Windows Azure project to Windows Azure” on the top radio button. And then select the credential, deployment service/slot, storage and label as susal. You must have the Management API Certificates uploaded to your Windows Azure account, and install the certification on you machine before in order to use this one-click deployment feature. If you are familiar with this dialog you will notice that there’s a linkage named “Configure Remote Desktop connections”. Here is where you need to make this service enable the remote desktop feature. After clicked this link we will set the configuration of the remote desktop access authorization information. There are 4 steps we need to do to configure our access. Certificates: We need either create or select a certificate file in order to encypt the access cerdenticals. In this example I will use the certificate file for my Management API. Username: The remote desktop user name to access the virtual machine. Password: The password for the access. Expiration: The access cerdentals would be expired after 1 month by default but we can amend here. After that we clicked the OK button to back to the publish dialog.   The next step is to back to the new windows azure portal and navigate to the hosted services list. I created a new hosted service and upload the certificate file onto this service. The user name and password access to the azure machine must be encrypted from the local machine, and then send to the windows azure platform, then decrypted on the azure side by the same file. This is why we need to upload the certificate file onto azure. We navigated to the “Hosted Services, Storage Accounts & CDN"” from the left panel and created a new hosted service named “SDK13” and selected the “Certificates” node. Then we clicked the “Add Certificates” button. Then we select the local certificate file and the password to install it into this azure service.   The final step would be back to our Visual Studio and in the pulish dialog just click the OK button. The Visual Studio will upload our package and the configuration into our service with the remote desktop settings.   Remote Desktop Access to Azure Virtual Machine All things had been done, let’s have a look back on the Windows Azure Development Portal. If I selected the web role that I had just published we can see on the toolbar there’s a section named “Remote Access”. In this section the Enable checkbox had been checked which means this role has the Remote Desktop Access feature enabled. If we want to modify the access cerdentals we can simply click the Configure button. Then we can update the user name, password, certificates and the expiration date.   Let’s select the instance node under the web role. In this case I just created one instance for demo. We can see that when we selected the instance node, the Connect button turned enabled. After clicked this button there will be a RDP file downloaded. This is a Remote Desctop configuration file that we can use to access to our azure virtual machine. Let’s download it to our local machine and execute. We input the user name and password we specified when we published our application to azure and then click OK. There might be some certificates warning dislog appeared. This is because the certificates we use to encryption is not signed by a trusted provider. Just select OK in these cases as we know the certificate is safty to us. Finally, the virtual machine of Windows Azure appeared.   A Quick Look into the Azure Virtual Machine Let’s just have a very quick look into our virtual machine. There are 3 disks available for us: C, D and E. Disk C: Store the local resource, diagnosis information, etc. Disk D: System disk which contains the OS, IIS, .NET Frameworks, etc. Disk E: Sotre our application code. The IIS which hosting our webiste on Azure. The IP configuration of the azure virtual machine.   Summary In this post I covered one of the new feature of the Azure SDK 1.3 – Remote Desktop Access. We can set the access per service and all of the instances of this service could be accessed through the remote desktop tool. With this feature we can deep into the virtual machines of our instances to see the inner information such as the system event, IIS log, system information, etc. But we should pay attention to modify the system settings. 2 reasons from what I know for now: 1. If we have more than one instances against our service we should ensure that all system settings we modifed are applied to all instances/virtual machines. Otherwise, as the machines are under the azure load balance proxy our application process may doesn’t work due to the defferent settings between the instances. 2. When the virtual machine encounted some problem and need to be translated to another physical machine all settings we made would be disappeared.   Hope this helps, Shaun All documents and related graphics, codes are provided "AS IS" without warranty of any kind. Copyright © Shaun Ziyan Xu. This work is licensed under the Creative Commons License.

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• CodePlex Daily Summary for Friday, April 02, 2010

  CodePlex Daily Summary for Friday, April 02, 2010New ProjectsAE.Remoting: An alternative means of remoting for .NET to allow for intuitive usage and easy implementation into existing code.animated-smoke-modeling: This is an implementation or a demo of our method to model animated smokes. ASP.NET Google Maps: Extensible and easy to use, this is ASP.NET Google Maps Control. Drag & Drop and is ready to go. You can configure map style, add a PushPin using t...CartPatches able to see: CartPatches able to see youCodemix Cms: Codemix CmsDo the right thing - The Simple TodoManager: A simple Todo Manager which lets you focus on your daily most important tasks/todos. So do the right thing.....at your home, in your office, in you...Fast Console: Fast Console is a simple xml programming language. This may be a really good starting language as there are printing, variables and as soon as poss...Graphing Calculator in Silverlight: This was initially an effort to port a WPF graphing calculator written by Bob Brown (Microsoft) into Silverlight but soon after it became necessary...InformationVSTS: This application allows you to have all informations on VSTS installed. It also lets you know the server of BUILD and project.La Ranisima: La Ranisima is an open source "Space Invaders" alike game totally written in DHTML (JavaScript, CSS and HTML) that uses keyboard. This cross-platfo...La villa del seis: La villa del seis is a multiplatform point-and-click graphical adventure. Also, you can play it like a text adventure (interactive fiction) on a te...LParse: LParse is a monadic parser combinator library, similar to Haskell’s Parsec. It allows you create parsers on C# language. All parsers are first-clas...Manage Recents File/Project VS2005/2008: Clear Recents Files and Projects, and Clear Broken Links of Recents Files and Projects for VS2005 and VS2008. Developed in Visual Studio 2008 SP...Mavention: Mavention makes SharePoint work for you.MixMail: MixMailMixScrum: mixScrumMixTemplate: MixTemplate.NepomucenoBR Regex Learning Tool: This is a simple program designed to help people to study regular expressions.Pruebas: Pruebas is an open source game mix of text adventure and RPG written in Microsoft QBasic (under MS-DOS 6.22) that uses keyboard. Runs natively unde...Python Design by Contract: Simple to use invariants, pre- and postconditions which use some of the new metaprogramming features in Python 3.Rubik Cube's 3D Silverlight 3.0 Animated Solution: Rubik Cube's Silverlight 3.0 Animated Solution is a 3D presentation of Rubik Cube in range of up to 7x7x7 size with full functionality and an anima...Seminarka: Seminarka - ko treba znat šta je zna!SENAC 2010 - Projeto Integrador 2 (Material de Apoio): Material utilizado para apoiar os alunos da disciplina de Projeto integrador 2. O tema são sistemas web utilizando ASP.NET, com C# e banco de da...SENAC CG2010: Contém código apresentado em sala de aula para a disciplina de CG, 5ºBSI NoturnoSistema de facturación: Sistema de facturación desarrollado en C# para la clase de programación 3.SmartFront - WPF and Silverlight Toolkit: SmartFront is a framework piece which allow to quickly building Smart Client application in WPF and in Silverlight. This framework uses existing s...Solar 1: This is the ASP.NET MVC engine based on Oxite and used for 32planets.net.TemporalSQL: SQL Patterns - tables, queries, and functions - to design a temporal database. TFunkOrderSystem: The Funkalistic Blueprint and Items order management systemTribe.Cache: Tribe.Cache is a simple dictionary cache (persistent dictionary) written in C# which is easy to implement and use.tstProject: Testing ProjectUDC indexes parser: UDC (Universal Decimal Classification) indexes parserWebAssert: A test assertion library to assist in writing automated tests against websites. Allows for assertion of HTML validity, etc. Initially has support f...Words Via Subtitle: Words Via Subtitle makes it easier for English Learners to learn new words that appears in TV shows or movies. You'll no longer have to look up the...x5s - a cross site scripting (XSS) testing tool: x5s aims to be a specialized testing tool which assists penetration testers in finding cross-site scripting hot-spots. By auto-injecting token valu...XNA Shooter Engine: The XNA Shooter Engine is a game engine for XNA designed specifically with first-person-shooter-style games in mind. It's being developed for an as...我的开发集: for my study .net csharpNew ReleasesAppFabric Caching Admin Tool: AppFabric Caching Admin Tool 1.1: System Requirements:.NET 4.0 RC AppFabric Caching Beta2 Test On:Win 7 (64x) Note: Must run as Administrator !!!ASP.NET Google Maps: ASP.NET Google Maps 0.1b: Project Description Extensible and easy to use, this is ASP.NET Bing Maps Control. Drag & Drop and is ready to go. You can configure map style, add...AutoFixture: Version 1.0.9 (RC1): This is Release Candidate 1 of AutoFixture 1.1. This release contains no known bugs. Compared to AutoFixture 1.0, it fixes some bugs that were dis...Camlex.NET: Camlex.NET 2.0: Camlex.NET 2.0 release New features Search by field id Support for native System.Guid type for values Search by lookup id and lookup value D...CloudCache - Distributed Cache Tier with Azure: v1.0.0.1: New Release on April 1st 2010 No this is not April fools a new release has made it's way out. Below are the changes: Removed dependency on Azure S...DigitallyCreated Utilities: DigitallyCreated Utilities v1.0.1: This release is the v1.0.1 version of DigitallyCreated Utilities. This update is highly recommended for all users of v1.0.0 as it fixes a critical ...Fast Console: Fast Console Alpha: Fast Console is an easy to use and learn programming language. Code example is found in the file TestFile.xml When you've written your code just sa...Free Silverlight & WPF Chart Control - Visifire: Visifire SL and WPF Charts 3.0.6 beta Released: Hi, This release contains following enhancements. * Zooming feature has been enhanced with the new functionality of ZoomRectangle. Now, users...Graphing Calculator in Silverlight: 1.0.1: Graphing Calculator for Silverlight is written entirely in C# and is based on the Silverlight 3 release. I will soon release the full documentation...Home Access Plus+: v3.2.0.1: v3.2.0.1 Release Change Log: Fixed: Issue with & ampersand File Changes: ~/bin/CHS Extranet.dll ~/bin/CHS Extranet.pdb ~/Scripts/viewmode.jsIcarus Scene Engine: Icarus Professional 2 Alpha 2 v 1.10.329.913: Alpha release 2 of Icarus Professional. This release includes: IcarusX: The ActiveX-based browser control for rendering IPX projects online. Icaru...Line Counter: 1.5.2: The Line Counter is a tool to calculate lines of your code files. The tool was written in .NET 2.0. Line Counter 1.5.2 Added General Code Counter ...ManagedCv: ManagedCv v0.0.0.1: Win32Mavention: Mavention Simple Menu: SharePoint 2010 ships with a menu control that allows you to render a site menu using semantic markup. Using the Mavention Simple Menu you can do t...MDownloader: MDownloader-0.15.10.57200: Fixed uploading.com links detection; Fixed downloading from uploading.com; Fixed downloading from load.to; Fixed detecting incompatible sources;MixMail: V1: MixMailMixTemplate: v1: releaseMvcPager: MvcPager 1.3 for ASP.NET MVC 1.0: MvcPager 1.3 for ASP.NET MVC 1.0 compiled assembly files and demo projectsMvcPager: MvcPager 1.3 for ASP.NET MVC 2.0: MvcPager 1.3 for ASP.NET MVC 2.0 compiled assembly and demo projectsMvcUnity - ASP.NET MVC Dependency Injection: 2.1 Source Code: Drop 2.1 Source CodeNepomucenoBR Regex Learning Tool: NepomucenoBR Regex Learning Tool v0.1 alpha: This is the first version of this application. If you find any bug, please contact me at http://www.nepomucenobr.com.brNepomucenoBR Regex Learning Tool: NepomucenoBR Regex Learning Tool v0.1 source-code: This is the first version of this application. If you find any bug, please contact me at http://www.nepomucenobr.com.brocculo: occulo 0.2 binaries: Release build binaries instead of debug, should now work for other users. Fixed bit rotation and output filename bugs.occulo: occulo 0.2 source: Second source release. See binary release for changes.Python Design by Contract: v0.1: This is the inital release. I think it is working fine.SharePoint Labs: SPLab5002A-FRA-Level200: SPLab5002A-FRA-Level200 This SharePoint Lab will teach you how to modify CAML schema to have IntelliSense on Feature's GUID. Lab Language : French ...SharePoint Labs: SPLab5003A-FRA-Level100: SPLab5003A-FRA-Level100 This SharePoint Lab will teach you how to manually create a Feature, how to brand a Feature and how to incorporate ressourc...SharePoint Labs: SPLab5004A-FRA-Level100: SPLab5004A-FRA-Level100 This SharePoint Lab will teach you how to create a Feature within Visual Studio, how to brand it, how to incorporate ressou...SharePoint Labs: SPLab5005A-FRA-Level100: SPLab5005A-FRA-Level100 This SharePoint Lab will teach you how to create a Feature within Visual Studio, how to brand it, how to incorporate ressou...SSIS ReportGeneratorTask: Version 1.53: Some bugfixes to version 1.52 beta Server Report properties can be displayed. Snapshots can be created. Screenshots of the planned version 1.53 ca...TemporalSQL: April 2010: Initial set of prototypes demonstrating temporal patterns, queries, and functions in SQL ServerTortoiseHg: TortoiseHg 1.0.1: TortoiseHg 1.0.1 is a bug fix release. We recommend all users upgrade to this release. http://bitbucket.org/tortoisehg/stable/wiki/ReleaseNotes#t...Tribe.Cache: Tribe.Cache Alpha: Functional Alpha Release - Do not use in productionTS3QueryLib.Net: TS3QueryLib.Net Version 0.21.15.0: Changelog Added class "ServerListItemBase" which is used in the new method "GetServerListShort" of QueryRunner class. (Change of Beta 21) Added ...UDC indexes parser: Runtime Binary Alpha 1: First alpha versionVisual Studio DSite: Text To Binary (Visual C++ 2008): A simple c program that can convert text to binary. Source code only.x5s - a cross site scripting (XSS) testing tool: x5s 1.0 beta: PLACEHOLDER (coming soon)XNA Shooter Engine: GDK Tools 0.1.0.0: This is a small, very early release of the GDK Tools. The only included tool is Input Map Editor.XPath Visualizer: XPathVisualizer v1.2: Last updated 1 April 2010. This is not a joke! includes new features: Ctrl-S shortcut key for Saving the XML file Ctrl-F shortcut for re-form...すとれおじさん(仮): すとれおじさん β 0.01: とりあえず公開のバージョンです。 中途半端な機能がいっぱいあります。Most Popular ProjectsRawrWBFS ManagerASP.NET Ajax LibraryMicrosoft SQL Server Product Samples: DatabaseSilverlight ToolkitAJAX Control ToolkitWindows Presentation Foundation (WPF)ASP.NETLiveUpload to FacebookMicrosoft SQL Server Community & SamplesMost Active ProjectsRawrGraffiti CMSBase Class LibrariesjQuery Library for SharePoint Web ServicesBlogEngine.NETMicrosoft Biology FoundationN2 CMSLINQ to TwitterManaged Extensibility FrameworkFarseer Physics Engine

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• You Might Be a DBA

  - by BuckWoody

  With all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I was up late Friday night on a holiday weekend (which translated into T-SQL becomes “Maintenance Window”) and I got bored in between the two or three minutes I had between clicks. So I started a “Twitter” meme – and it just took off. I haven’t cleaned these up much, but here, in author order as of Saturday the 29th of May is the list “You might be a DBA” from around the Twitterverse: buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have children older than the rest of your team #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You and the Oracle DBA would kill each other, but you'll happily fight off a developer together first #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've threatened to quit if they give anyone the sa password on production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to co-workers as "carbon-units" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Being paranoid is on your resume at the top #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everyone comes to your cube to find the MSDN DVD's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've worn down developers to get your way by explaining normalization levels #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to clothes as "Data Abstractions" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Users pester you to be able to put data in a database, then they pester you to take it out and put it in Excel #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Others try to de-duplicate data, you try to copy it to more than three locations #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one DLT tape in the trunk of your car #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your spouse knows what "ETL" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've referred to yourself as the "Data Janitor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You don't have positive connotations of the word "upgrade" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get your coffee before you check your servers, because you know you won't get any if you don't #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always come to work through the back door so no one hijacks you on the way to your cube #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You check your server logs before you check your e-mail in the morning so you can reply "Yeah, I already fixed that." #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have more conference badges than clean socks #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your coffee mug says "It depends" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can convince a boss that you need 16GB of RAM in your laptop #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've used ebay to find production equipment #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when your company is acquiring another even before the CFO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call aspirin "work vitamins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get the same amount of sleep even after you have a child #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You obsess about performance metrics from over one year ago #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you buy after the database software is aftermarket tools to manage the database software #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've tried to convince someone else to become a DBA #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You only know other DBA's by their Tweet Handle #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've explained the difference between 32 and 64-bit to more than one manager in terms they can understand, using puppets #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've driven to the Datacenter to install SQL Server because "you don't trust those NOC admins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pay more for faster Internet connections than cable at home so you don't have to drive in #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call texting a "queuing system" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that if someone can read Perl, they manage an Oracle system #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an e-mail rule for backup notifications #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your food pyramid includes coffee, salt and fat #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You wish everything had a graphical query plan #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refactor your e-mails #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've written blog posts on technology you've never actually implemented in production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody @MidnightDBA Click the #youmightbeaDBA tag. I've had WAY too much coffee today.  buckwoody There is no other position that is 1-deep except you and the CEO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody When you watch "The Office" you call it "OJT" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your blog would make a "best practices" or "worst practices" book #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you install on your netbook is SSMS #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your watch is set to UTC because it's just easier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody There are just as many females in your technical field as males #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to time as a "Clustered Index" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think a millisecond is a really long time #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You're sitting and typing #youmightbeaDBA when you could be outside #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't wait for a technical conference so you can wear a kilt - and you're not Scottish #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that "DBA" stands for "Default Blame Acceptor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know what "the truth, thole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Codd" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't talk fast enough to get a concept out of your head so you tweet it instead #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cry when someone doesn't use a WHERE clause #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think "Set theory" is not an verb but a noun #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You try to convince random strangers to vote on your Connect item #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think 3 hours of contiguous sleep is a good thing #youmightbeaDBA or #youmightbeamother  buckwoody You don't like Oracle, and not just because of what she did to Neo #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when to say "sequel" and "s-q-l" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know where the data is #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to your children as "Fully Redundant Mirrors" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your laptop is more powerful than the servers in most companies - including your own #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You capitalize SELECTed words #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cringe in public when the word "upgrade" is used in a sentence #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody All Data Is MetaData means something to you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've never seen the driveway to your house in the daylight #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Most of your bloodstream is composed of caffeine #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your task list is labeled "CRUD Matrix" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call your wife/husband a "Linked Server" #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When someone tells you they are going to take a dump and you wonder of which database then #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend and you are working #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When you sit down at a table and look for it's primary key #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When getting milk from the fridge you check the expiry date is > getdate() #youmightbeaDBA  blakmk when you wake up dreaming about sql #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You think a @buckwoody bobblehead would be a cool thing to have on the dashboard of your car #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your friends don't understand why you think there's a difference between single and double quotes #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Even the newest employees know your name from all the downtime notices you've sent out #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You sometimes feel anxious and think "I should test restoring those backups" and then the feeling passes #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You know what a co-worker means when they ask "how is your squirrel server?" #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You're willing to move someone's job up in priority for a box of #voodoodonuts #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Each person in your company seems to think you work for THEM #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You have a Love/Hate relationship going on with #Microsoft #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver People ask you to troubleshoot their Access program #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The first words you hear in the morning are 'your voicemail box is full' #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The thought of disrupting 500 people's work so you can do something doesn't phase you #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your home computer is backed up in 3 different places #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your wardrobe for work includes pajamas #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Someone tells you to look in the INDEX and you look puzzled before finally going to the back of the book. #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you have ever set up a SQLAgent job to email your mobile phone to serve as an alarm clock #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd wrestle a SysAdmin to the ground to implement #DPA best practices as per @aspiringgeek #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy I need to be up in 7 hours, so I'm off to bed! I'll have to read the rest of @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA posts in the AM. (g'night Buck!)  databaseguy When people ask you about your house, the first thing you describe is the network. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The last thing you say at the office each day is, "is anybody else here? I'm shutting off the lights!" #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your blood pressure rises when you read application specs drafted by marketing. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy A good day at work is one when nobody pays you no mind. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You care about latches and wait states. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have worked over 200 hours on a performance tuning project that required no application changes at all. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The late-night security guard knows the names of your spouse and kids. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have had vigorous debates about whether it should be pronounced "sequel" or "ess-queue-ell". #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have VPN and RDP software installed on your phone ... just in case. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have edited a data file by hand, just to see what would happen. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You decorate your office walls with database catalog posters. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You've built programs that access data just to keep other developers from asking you to run queries all the time. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When you watch movies like The Matrix, you find yourself calculating the fasibility of storing all that data. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have tried to convince someone to spend money on an SSD storage array. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When CPU is spiked on a server, you want to gather forensic evidence. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have to remind developers not to push code to production without checking if the database is ready. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Nobody cares what you wear to work, as long as the thing keeps running. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Telepathy is a job requirement when working with app dev teams. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You read database statistics for the educational value. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And your boss freely admits this to anyone within earshot. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your boss cannot explain or understand what you do. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You envision ERDs when you see a GUI. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You say things like "applications come and go, but data lasts forever." #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have memorized the names of several of the AdventureWorks employees. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You know what MAXDOP setting you can get away with for a big query based on current server load. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And you immediately recognize the recursion in my last tweet. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You find 50 simultaneous tweets from @buckwoody about #youmightbeaDBA :O)  DBAishness You have "funny stories" about the times your developers accidentally deleted the T-log in their test environment. #youmightbeaDBA  DBAishness Planning to slice and dice your MDW data with PowerPivot makes you giggle like a schoolgirl. #youmightbeaDBA  donalddotfarmer You think @buckwoody lives in the "real world." #youmightbeaDBA  jamach09 @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA Why go outside when you can sit in the nice cool server room?  jamach09 If you refer to procreation as "Replication", #youmightbeaDBA.  jamach09 If you think ORM is a four-letter word, #youmightbeaDBA  JamesMarsh If you have ever preached the value of Source Code Control, #YouMightBeADBA  jethrocarr @venzann You store your shopping list in a ACID compliant DB #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive @buckwoody thought it stood for "Don't Bother Asking" #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive when you check your IT Events Calendar before making weekend plans #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You cringe whenever someone calls Excel a database #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna When the waiter says he'll be your server today, you ask how many terabytes he is #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna you always call the asterisk a "Star" #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You walk into a server room, say "Nice RACK!" and everyone there knows you're talking about server rack... #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You receive more messages from servers than from friends #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna hmmm... #youmightbeaDBA if your recipe for gumbo is "SELECT * FROM Refrigerator"  markjholmes @SQLSoldier Heh. #youmightbeaDBA if you correct other DBAs' spelling of @PaulRandal  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you actually test RAID5 vs RAID10 on your SAN because when it comes to configuration, "it depends."  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you have at least 3 definitions of the word "cluster"  MarlonRibunal 3 Words: @BrentO, snicker, & Access #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @onpnt @mikeSQL my appeal was a couple of mins late. Enjoying #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL @onpnt pls, don't mention bacon #youmightbeaDBA  merv @buckwoody You HATE 3-way joins #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA If you're up at midnight Tweeting about SQL #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA @buckwoody I'd noticed that. :) #youmightbeaDBA  mikeSQL when people talk about "their type" you're thinking varchar, bigint, binary, etc #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL people ask you to go to lunch , but you can't go because you're attending #SQLlunch #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you think that @buckwoody's demo using PowerPivot to analyze index usage data from DMVs is awesome then #youmightbeaDBA  mrdenny You wish @PaulRandal still worked at Microsoft so that they would make a bobble head of him #youmightbeadba  mrdenny When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, and your posting stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you go out with friends and wonder why no one's wearing a kilt then #YouMightBeADBA  mrdenny You can't do basic math, but you know off the top of your head how many CALs $14,412 can buy you. #YoumightbeaDBA  mrdenny If you've ever setup a SQL Job to email you to get you out of a regularly scheduled meeting #YouMightBeADBA.  mrdenny You throw up in your mouth a little when ever you here the word "Access". Even if it doesn't relate to a MS product. #YouMightBeADBA  msdtjones You spend more time listening to @buckwoody than your wife #youmightbeaDBA  NFDotCom You perform "hail deltas" on a regular basis. #YouMightBeADBA  NoelMcKinney If you tell your wife you want to go to Columbus Ohio for your wedding anniversary so you can attend #sqlsat42 then #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney Someone asks you to throw another log on the fire and you tell them not to worry about it because Autogrowth is turned on #youmightbeaDBA  Nuurdygirl Even if you have a girlfriend...its possible #youmightbeadba. Yeah-i said its possible!  Nuurdygirl When your girlfriend has to lean around the laptop to kiss you goodnight #youmightbeadba  Old_Man_Fish If you worry about how big your package is and how long it takes to finish #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If you no longer wonder if someone is in trouble or died if you are getting calls at 2AM #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If, when you hear the word ACCESS with no connotation you blood pressure jumps 50 points, #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you hear the word inject you immediately get concerned if your databases are OK #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your servers haven't been rebooted in a year #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You know why it's funny when @PaulRandal has the word, "Sheep" in a tweet #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have read BOL without actually having a problem to figure out #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You can type "SELECT columns FROM tables" without typos but tipen ni Banglish ares a messis #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt DR strategies doesn't include the word, RAID in them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can move a SQL Server instance to a new server without the users ever knowing #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have made an SSIS package that is more than one step #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have the balls to say no to your boss when they ask for the sa password #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you google to trouble shoot a problem and end up at your own blog (and it fixes it) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You talk your wife into moving the family vacation a week earlier so you can attend the areas local SSUG meeting #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can explain to a nontechnical person what a deadlock is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You hope a girl asks you what your collation is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you make jokes that include the words shrink, truncate and 1205. And you are the only one that laughs at them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You rate your ability to stay awake to work longer on blogs, twitter, forums and your day to day job with the 5 9's goal #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you have major surgery and beg the doctor to release you back to work 5 days later because you miss your servers #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  onpnt You do have backups and you know how to use them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt It's the network #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When the developers get to work your mood changes rapidly #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When someone says, "PASS", you first think of karaoke #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Recruiters try to get you to call them *just* because they think you'll give them @BrentO contact info #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You chuckle every time you go to grab the "CLR" Calcium, Lime and Rust Remover to clean something #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt @MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL Sorry man, it was already in motion ;-) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you have an "I love bacon" sticker on your laptop. #youmightbeaDBA http://twitpic.com/1ry671  onpnt You sing SELECT statements in the shower #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you see a chicken it doesn't remind you of food. It reminds you of a guy named Jorge #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt At time, SQL is your mistress #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your wife wonders if SQL is the code name of your mistress at times #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt it's Friday and you are on twitter thinking really hard about what would be funny for hash tag #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You organize your wife's "decorative"pillows on the bed in a B-Tree structure #youmightbeaDBA  PaulWhiteNZ If you: SELECT TOP (1) milk FROM fridge WHERE use_by_date >= GET_DATE() ORDER BY use_by_date ASC #YouMightBeaDBA  RonDBA #youmightbeaDBA if you read @buckwoody's and @BrentO's blogs.  ryaneastabrook @buckwoody omg, you have to stand up a website with these on them, they are awesome #youmightbeaDBA  soulvy @StrateSQL @LadyRuna Or a "Splat" #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You retweet @buckwoody on a Friday night #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer Developers make you twitch #youmightbeaDBA  sqlagentman You know what X/1024*8 is. #YouMightBeADBA  SqlAsylum Your still in the office at 5:00 on memorial day weekend. #youmightbeadba :)  SQLBob Whenever someone you know gets pregnant you bring up INNER JOINs or SQL Injection attacks... #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You know one or more SQL folks in the community with an animal in their username #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You've used one or more car analogies to explain how a database works #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken “@sqljoe: #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you” lmao nice!  SQLChicken When talking about SSIS your discussions break down into various jokes about packages #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You really own a "Stick of Much Developer Whacking" #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you wished your wife knew T-sql. USE ShoppingList SELECT NecessaryItems from Supermarket WHERE Category<> ("junk food")  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if the first thing you kiss when you wake up is your mobile for not waking you up in the middle of the night  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your wife has a "Do Not Fly" family vacation list of her own including your laptop and mobile  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have researched for DBA Anonymous groups and attended a #SSUG willing to drop your database (vice)  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your only maintenance windows are staff meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think of yourself as "The One" in The Matrix "balancing the equation" from The Architect's (developers) poor coding  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think @PaulRandal should have played the Oracle in The Matrix  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if home CD & Movie collection is stored in secured containers,in logical order & naming convention,and with a backup copy  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have tried to TiVo @MidnightDBA broadcasts  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your #sql user group feels like #AA meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you thought of bringing your #sql books to #sqlsaturday and #sqlpass for autographs  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if #sqlpass feels like the #oscars  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you are proud of your small package  SQLLawman #youmightbeaDBA when you hear MDX and Acura is not first thought that comes to mind.  sqlrunner If your wife double checks that there isn't a SQLSat within 200 miles of your vacation destination #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner You treat the word 'access' as a verb, not a noun #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner If you are happy with sub-second performance #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner Your company set's up international phone coverage for your cruise #youmightbeaDBA  sqlsamson @buckwoody if your manager asks you for data and you respond with "there's a script for that" #youmightbeadba  sqlsamson @buckwoody If you receive more messages from your server then your spouse #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You've spent all night Valentines Day upgrading the SQL Servers and forgot to tell your wife you'd be working late. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You're flattered when someone calls you a geek. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier @llangit @mrdenny it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, & your reading stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier Your manager borrows lunch money from you because your salary is 30% higher than his. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You think "intellisense" is a double negative because it's not intelligent nor makes sense. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier 75% of the emails you receive at home have the phrase "now following you on Twitter!" in the subject line. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You petition Ken Burns to remake Office Space because it should have been 18 hours long. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You select a candidate for a Jr DBA position because his resume said he's willing to get your coffee. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Somebody misquotes @PaulRandall and you call him on your cell to verify. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wish the elevator in your building was slower because it's the last time you'll be left alone all day. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The developers sacrifice small animals before giving you their code for review. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Developers bring you coffee and a BLT when you review their code. #youmightbeaDBA #IWish  SQLSoldier You can get out of any family get-together by saying you have to work and nobody questions it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You've requested a HP Superdome for you "test" box. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier A dev. asks if you've heard about some great new feature in SQL and you show the 16 blog posts you wrote on it ... last year #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You use a cell phone service coverage map to plan your next vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You come in to work at 7 AM because it gives you at least 3 hours without any developers around. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You figure out a way to make take your wife on a cruise and deduct it as a business expense. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlcruise  SQLSoldier You name your cat SQLDog because the name @SQLCat was already taken. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You rate your blog posts based on the number of retweets you get. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You disable random logins just to mess with people. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You fall for the pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your think the 4 food groups are coffee, bacon, fast food, and Mountain Dew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You tell someone your job title and they ask "What?" You describe it and they ask "What?". So you say "computer geek". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The #1 referrer to your blog is Twitter.com. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your idea of a good time on a Saturday involves free training. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlsat43  SQLSoldier You write a book that all of your co-workers have and none have read it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You write a book that sells a couple thousand copies and is heralded a best seller. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier No matter how sick you are, you go to work if it's time to pass the pager on to the next guy. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier You go out on the town, and strangers walk up to you and say, "Hey you're that SQL guy" #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier Your wife asks you to fix something, and you request a downtime window. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your best pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You list TSQL as your native language on the 2010 census. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Starbucks' stock price drops every time you go on vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You're happy when the web master says that the website is down. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You get mad when someone calls your car a "heap" because you've always considered it to be a "clustered index". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your blog has more hits than your company's website. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You systematically remove the asterisk key from all keyboards in the company except yours. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier When asked if you recycle, you reply that you run sp_cycle_errorlog every night at midnight #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wouldn't allow someone named @AdamMachanic to work on your car. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You switch offices every 3 days to avoid developers #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier PSS has your number on speed dial. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You frown when you they tell Neo that he's going to the Oracle #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  Tarwn A pleasurable saturday means spending the day learning more about what you already do the rest of the week #youmightbeaDBA ...oh, wait...  thelostforum For great justice; all our base are belong to YOU !! #youmightbeadba  thelostforum @SQLSoldier: You need a witness to use a mirror #youmightbeaDBA ;)  TimCost you capitalize key words. always. everywhere. you can't help it, usually don't even notice. #youmightbeaDBA  Toshana Your the only one in your company not impressed with the developers new application. #youmightbeaDBA  venzann Coming soon from a (respected) book publisher - @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann I love the #youmightbeaDBA tag. Found at least 6 new DBAs to follow..  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann You use #sqlhelp as a primary resource during troubleshooting #youmightbeaDBA  venzann You insist on stricter password security for your sql servers than you implement on your own laptop #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @buckwoody you are up so late the only tweets you see are from @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @SQLSoldier you are upgrading all your 2005 prod servers to 2008 R2 on a three day weekend... #youmightbeaDBA  zippy1981 #youmightbeaDBA if everytime you do something with #mongodb you think of the Vulcan proverb "only Nixon could go to China."  Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | reddit! | kick it! | live it!

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