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  • Reliable access to Internet but not local network (not DNS or proxy issues)

    - by Ian Goldby
    I'm looking for help with a Vista Home Premium laptop that has trouble accessing any resource on our home network, but accesses the Internet just fine. The set-up is this: The Vista laptop and a MacBook Pro connect wirelessly to the router-modem. A Synology DS212j NAS drive has a wired connection to the router-modem. Devices on the local network are always referred to by IP address, so this cannot be a DNS issue. The MacBook Pro connects reliably to the NA via AFP (network shared folders), SMB (network shared folders) and HTTP. The Vista laptop connects to and browses sites on the Internet without any problems. It can log into the NAS via SMB and list the shared folders (so there is nothing wrong with the log-in credentials), but when it tries to open any of the folders Explorer just hangs with the spinning cursor for several minutes and then says "\192.168.1.64\shared\Photos is not accessible. You might not have permission to use this network resource. Contact the administrator of this server to find out if you have access permissions. The specified network name is no longer available." It can ping the NAS successfully. If I try to open the NAS drive's web interface, the browser just hangs. This is the same with IE, Firefox and Chrome. (There is no proxy.) I can log into the NAS drive with FTP and navigate directories, but when I try to list the contents of a directory with more than a handful of entries, the ftp client hangs. I set up a website on the MacBook. The Vista laptop was able to load some of the pages, but loading any of the images was very hit and miss. Images embedded in HTML pages never worked no matter how many times I reloaded the page, but when I linked directly to the image it did load (though several attempts were sometimes needed). I tried all of this with the Windows Firewall turned off, and with AVG turned off. That made no difference. I'd really appreciate any suggestions anyone can make. The fact that the Vista laptop has trouble with HTTP and FTP as well as SMB connections suggests to me that this is a problem at the TCP level or below. But don't forget it accesses sites outside the LAN with no problems.

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  • How to drag widgets from monitor to monitor in kubuntu?

    - by Mien
    I have Kubuntu 12.04 on my Dell Inspiron. I use an extern monitor as my default one, and my laptop monitor as my second monitor. I can place widgets on the extern (default) screen, but when I drag them to the laptop (second) screen, they disappear. I can put widgets on the second screen, if I open the widget screen on that screen, but I can't drag them to my first monitor. How can I switch between monitors for the widgets?

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  • How do I install RALink 3290?

    - by user108222
    I have been trying for awhile since I removed Win8 from my laptop to get this Bluetooth/Wireless Card working and I've got it so that it at least recognizes wireless, but every time I try to actually use the wireless, I get kernel panics or everything crashes. Can someone explain to me how to install this driver: http://www.ralinktech.com/en/04_support/support.php?sn=501 So that I can actually use the wireless on my laptop (and perhaps even the bluetooth).

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  • boot problem in samsung

    - by user286366
    i have formatted my laptop completely and installed Ubuntu 14.4 after installation Ubuntu is not booting directly i have to put the pen drive(which has Ubuntu 14.4 live cd) every time on start up and press f4 which is for recovery after booting if take the pen drive then no problem its working normally my laptop is Samsung np370 with Intel i5 3rd gen processor with 6gb ram and 1tb hard disk please help me

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  • installed ubuntu 12.04 and no wireless internet at all

    - by Memoq
    I'm extremely new to ubuntu. I installed 12.04 on a laptop that had no os. I've tried following these forums to troubleshoot my internet problems only to be confused by all the steps. I need help. I'm willing to follow any instruction as long as they make sense. Any help would be nice. The equipment i have is a Dell inspiron 1100 laptop wireless card is D link 2.4 dwl -g650 product ar5212/ar5313

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  • How to remove Ubuntu and put Windows back on?

    - by Josev King
    I installed Ubuntu 12.04, as a dual boot on my windows Vista laptop, and the next thing I know, I get black screen with error: unknown filesystem. grub rescue> I have tried reinstalling Windows, reinstalling Ubuntu, booting from Ubuntu disk, and managed to actually get into the OS, but there is nothing I can find of uninstalling Ubuntu, and deleting the partition it created. I know nothing at all about Linux, and I desperately need to get my laptop back up and running.

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  • My USB bootable thumb drive, no longer boots on a single particular computer on which it previously worked

    - by LiamMeron
    I created a bootable drive, booting CrunchBang, about 2 months ago. About a month ago, I booted into it on another laptop. After shutting down, I have been unable to get it to boot on my own laptop, despite having worked previously. I can still boot into it on my desktop, and can also boot into it on all other computers that I have tried. If I plug it in when I am running Ubuntu, the Home and / folders mount, the only error being that for some reason my PC likes to try and mount the swap partition too, which naturally, gives an error. The BIOS settings are all still setup to boot from USB. When I boot, all I get is a black screen with the white cursor, it will stay there for as long as I leave it. If it is worth anything, I have GRUB loader installed on the drive. The partitions look a little odd, but I am rather unfamiliar with how they are dealt with. The first partition, /, is sdb1 and has the bootable flag. The second partition is an extended system, and is sdb2. The third partition, according to GParted, seems to be nested under the second. This is the swap partition, and it is sdb5 The fourth partition is my home partition and is sdb6 and is also nested under the extended system. The first and fourth partitions are ext4. I don't know if that helps, but the more info, the better accuracy, generally. Thanks. EDIT: I tried reinstalling GRUB on the drive, but that didn't work. However, when I reinstalled GRUB on my laptop, I did it with my USB thumbdrive in. This caused the GRUB updater to find the /boot folder and add the proper details into my laptop's GRUB loader. I could log into CrunchBang from my laptop's GRUB but I was still unable to boot directly to the drive. It looked like my BIOS is unable to find the bootloader. I am unable to install GRUB to a partition I just created, a /boot partition at the start of the drive, GRUB just doesn't allow it. I think I'm going to have to reinstall #! on my drive, which won't be a great loss as I haven't put much time into it.

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  • MySQL performance over a (local) network much slower than I would expect

    - by user15241
    MySQL queries in my production environment are taking much longer than I would expect them too. The site in question is a fairly large Drupal site, with many modules installed. The webserver (Nginx) and database server (mysql) are hosted on separated machines, connected by a 100mbps LAN connection (hosted by Rackspace). I have the exact same site running on my laptop for development. Obviously, on my laptop, the webserver and database server are on the same box. Here are the results of my database query times: Production: Executed 291 queries in 320.33 milliseconds. (homepage) Executed 517 queries in 999.81 milliseconds. (content page) Development: Executed 316 queries in 46.28 milliseconds. (homepage) Executed 586 queries in 79.09 milliseconds. (content page) As can clearly be seen from these results, the time involved with querying the MySQL database is much shorter on my laptop, where the MySQL server is running on the same database as the web server. Why is this?! One factor must be the network latency. On average, a round trip from from the webserver to the database server takes 0.16ms (shown by ping). That must be added to every singe MySQL query. So, taking the content page example above, where there are 517 queries executed. Network latency alone will add 82ms to the total query time. However, that doesn't account for the difference I am seeing (79ms on my laptop vs 999ms on the production boxes). What other factors should I be looking at? I had thought about upgrading the NIC to a gigabit connection, but clearly there is something else involved. I have run the MySQL performance tuning script from http://www.day32.com/MySQL/ and it tells me that my database server is configured well (better than my laptop apparently). The only problem reported is "Of 4394 temp tables, 48% were created on disk". This is true in both environments and in the production environment I have even tried increasing max_heap_table_size and Current tmp_table_size to 1GB, with no change (I think this is because I have some BLOB and TEXT columns).

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  • Dell Vostro 1520 wifi not working with Ubuntu 12.04

    - by user65696
    I have installed Ubuntu 12.04 on Dell Vostro 1520 Laptop. But found Wifi is hardware locked, though wifi is working perfectly fine with Windows 7 in the same laptop. I tried to upgrade the drivers as mentioned in other posts/forums but could not resolve the issue. I had the similar problem with versions 11.* as well. Last time the Wifi worked with 10.* version. Please help me to get it resolved.

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  • Bluetooth not finding any devices on 12.10

    - by DeanGrobler
    When I switch on my bluetooth and search for devices my laptop doesn't find any even though there's plenty in the area. Most likely this is because of drivers that are missing. So what I want to know is if there's a way I can view the exact details of what bluetooth device I have built into my laptop so I can start searching for a linux version of the needed driver. Any tips? PS - Running 64bit 12.10

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  • Cant burn the iso file on disc and usb will not startup

    - by Jason
    I am having very big problems trying to get this going for my old laptop. I tried burning the iso image with 5 different iso burning programs and none of the disks worked none started up. Then I tried to do the USB way used the program that puts it on the usb for you it starts up on my laptop fine but will not start up on my compaq presario 2178cl. If any1 can help me with this problem I would be much appreciative ty for your time.

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  • Redirect subdomain to local pc

    - by user1188570
    I have a home webserver which is constatly running. Is it possible to create a subdomain which would redirect traffic to another local pc? For example I have 1 Server and one notebook(with webserver installed for developing) Now I can access to notebook only from local network with IP. Server is also hosting domain example.com. Now I would like to visit laptop.example.com, which would be my laptop.

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  • Screen configuration not saved after first reboot

    - by user20795
    PROBLEM - When installing UBUNTU Natty on my friends Laptop with a HDMI cable attached to both TV and Laptop both screens echo each other BUT when reboot has taken place nothing is displayed on the external screen. Another user has reported the same problem so far ! http://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=1764389&highlight=hdmi - Gives a clearer description of what we are both experiencing The UBUNTU/Natty install drives both screens but the first reboot does not ? Any ideas anyone

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  • Starting / Shutting down Problem

    - by richter12
    i have ubuntu 12.04 installed on my laptop. There is the following starting/shutting down problem: When clicking the power button, the laptop starts for 1 second and after that abruptly shuts down. When starting again everything works normal. But after shutting down and starting again, the PC again has the same problem. This problem wasnt there when using Windows. What can I do? Thank you very much! Greetings, Richter

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  • Ubuntu 14.04 Slow, High CPU Usage

    - by user273012
    I experienced CPU strange behavior after installing Ubuntu 14.04, at 5 or 10 minutes, CPU usage suddenly increased about 50%, that's really slow my laptop down (Ubuntu 13.10 worked fine by the way) Here is my laptop specs : ASUS A43SA Intel Core i3-2330M 2.20 GHz 4 GB of RAM I noticed this when the first installation, even after I disabled online and file search, even after I switch to GNOME 3, and even after I used GNOME Fallback Session, how to solve this?

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  • How to create a wifi hotspot in ubuntu 12.04 and use it on WP7.5?

    - by VPCEB14EN
    I have been trying for many days to create a wifi hotspot with my laptop running ubuntu 12.04 and connect it to my windows phone7.5 based HTC Mozart. I have gone through many articles related to this, but none of them help. I create a wifi hotspot as suggested by some experts, but it isn't detected either by my phone or on other laptops. My laptop is Sony Vaio VPCEB14EN with these specifications .

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  • Getting the newest version of Ubuntu from 9.04

    - by user286985
    Okay so im new to this whole linux/ubuntu stuff. I need a step by step answer to how to get the newest version of ubuntu from my 9.04 version on my laptop. I was given this laptop as a gift and im still learning this step by step since i have been useing windows my whole life. I heard that i cant update since i have to go version to version so if someone could tell me how to just install the newest version while running 9.04. Thank you(:

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  • Installing Ubuntu in EFI mode Cant go beyond GRUB Menu

    - by Vulcan
    I created a LiveUSB of Ubuntu 12.04.3 LTS using Pendrive Linux. -Created a separate 30GB partition using Windows 8 Disk Management -Disabled Secure Boot (Didn't find an option to disable EFI boot) -Disabled Fast Startup The laptop starts the GRUB menu shows up but it doesn't go beyond that no matter what option i choose. After choosing any option the screen goes blank but the power is still on i can see the power light. My laptop is HP-n012tx processor- Intel i5 4200U Video Card- 2GBnVidia 740M The GRUB menu i see http://i.stack.imgur.com/buEAn.png

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  • how do I run CafeOBJ on my Ubuntu OS?

    - by Imogen
    I am attempting to run CafeOBJ on my ubuntu 12.04 OS. It wont open, when I try to run this on my other windows 7 OS i get a LIBEAY error message. What do I do to run this program that used to run fine on the windows OS. I have installed correctly and all files are present, but the cafeOBJ application is not considered an application by the laptop. In summation I am having LOADS of fun screaming at my laptop to try to make it understand. Please some one help!!!

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  • Why is this unwanted ">" character being displayed when displaying this PHP document in a browser?

    - by CT
    This page takes an asset id from $_GET of the url and displays some info about the asset after querying a mysql database. When I view the page in my browser there is an unwanted "" character within the page and I have no idea why. I've commented where it appears. It appears before the < table create tag right afterward. The < table tag was originally outside the php script section but I threw it in to see if it made a difference. It did not. Thank you all. I am viewing the page in Firefox. The web server is running on an Ubuntu Server 10.04 virtual machine on my laptop. <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.1//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml11/DTD/xhtml11.dtd"> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> <head> <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" /> <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="style.css" /> <title>Wagman IT Asset</title> </head> <body> <div id="page"> <div id="header"> <img src="images/logo.png" /> </div> </div> <div id="content"> <div id="container"> <div id="main"> <div id="menu"> <ul> <table width="100%" border="0"> <tr> <td><li><a href="index.php">Search Assets</a></li></td> <td><li><a href="browse.php">Browse Assets</a></li></td> <td><li><a href="add_asset.php">Add Asset</a></li></td> <td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td> </tr> </table> </ul> </div> <div id="text"> <ul> <li> <h1>View Asset</h1> </li> </ul> //UNWANTED > CHARACTER APPEARS HERE <?php echo "<table width='100%' border='0' cellpadding='2'>"; //make database connect mysql_connect("localhost", "asset_db", "asset_db") or die(mysql_error()); mysql_select_db("asset_db") or die(mysql_error()); //get asset $id = $_GET["id"]; //get type of asset $sql = "SELECT asset.type From asset WHERE asset.id = $id"; $result = mysql_query($sql) or die(mysql_error()); $row = mysql_fetch_assoc($result); $type = $row['type']; switch ($type){ case "Server": $sql = " SELECT asset.id ,asset.company ,asset.location ,asset.purchase_date ,asset.purchase_order ,asset.value ,asset.type ,asset.notes ,server.manufacturer ,server.model ,server.serial_number ,server.esc ,server.user ,server.prev_user ,server.warranty FROM asset LEFT JOIN server ON server.id = asset.id WHERE asset.id = $id "; $result = mysql_query($sql); while($row = mysql_fetch_assoc($result)) { echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Asset ID:</td><td>"; $id = $row['id']; setcookie('id', $id); echo "$id</td></tr>"; echo "<tr<td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td>><td>Company:</td><td>"; $company = $row['company']; setcookie('company', $company); echo "$company</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Location:</td><td>"; $company = $row['location']; setcookie('location', $location); echo "$location</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Purchase Date:</td><td>"; $purchase_date = $row['purchase_date']; setcookie('purchase_date', $purchase_date); echo "$purchase_date</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Purchase Order:</td><td>"; $purchase_order = $row['purchase_order']; setcookie('purchase_order', $purchase_order); echo "$purchase_order</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Value:</td><td>"; $value = $row['value']; setcookie('value', $value); echo "$value</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Type:</td><td>"; $type = $row['type']; setcookie('type', $type); echo "$type</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Notes:</td><td>"; $notes = $row['notes']; setcookie('notes', $notes); echo "$notes</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Manufacturer:</td><td>"; $manufacturer = $row['manufacturer']; setcookie('manufacturer', $manufacturer); echo "$manufacturer</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Model / Description:</td><td>"; $model = $row['model']; setcookie('model', $model); echo "$model</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Serial Number / Service Tag:</td><td>"; $serial_number = $row['serial_number']; setcookie('serial_number', $serial_number); echo "$serial_number</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Express Service Code:</td><td>"; $escy = $row['esc']; setcookie('esc', $esc); echo "$esc</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>User:</td><td>"; $user = $row['user']; setcookie('user', $user); echo "$user</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Previous User:</td><td>"; $prev_user = $row['prev_user']; setcookie('prev_user', $prev_user); echo "$prev_user</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Warranty:</td><td>"; $warranty = $row['warranty']; setcookie('warranty', $warranty); echo "$warranty</td></tr></table>"; } break; case "Laptop": $sql = " SELECT asset.id ,asset.company ,asset.location ,asset.purchase_date ,asset.purchase_order ,asset.value ,asset.type ,asset.notes ,laptop.manufacturer ,laptop.model ,laptop.serial_number ,laptop.esc ,laptop.user ,laptop.prev_user ,laptop.warranty FROM asset LEFT JOIN laptop ON laptop.id = asset.id WHERE asset.id = $id "; $result = mysql_query($sql); while($row = mysql_fetch_assoc($result)) { echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Asset ID:</td><td>"; $id = $row['id']; setcookie('id', $id); echo "$id</td></tr>"; echo "<tr<td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td>><td>Company:</td><td>"; $company = $row['company']; setcookie('company', $company); echo "$company</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Location:</td><td>"; $company = $row['location']; setcookie('location', $location); echo "$location</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Purchase Date:</td><td>"; $purchase_date = $row['purchase_date']; setcookie('purchase_date', $purchase_date); echo "$purchase_date</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Purchase Order:</td><td>"; $purchase_order = $row['purchase_order']; setcookie('purchase_order', $purchase_order); echo "$purchase_order</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Value:</td><td>"; $value = $row['value']; setcookie('value', $value); echo "$value</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Type:</td><td>"; $type = $row['type']; setcookie('type', $type); echo "$type</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Notes:</td><td>"; $notes = $row['notes']; setcookie('notes', $notes); echo "$notes</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Manufacturer:</td><td>"; $manufacturer = $row['manufacturer']; setcookie('manufacturer', $manufacturer); echo "$manufacturer</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Model / Description:</td><td>"; $model = $row['model']; setcookie('model', $model); echo "$model</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Serial Number / Service Tag:</td><td>"; $serial_number = $row['serial_number']; setcookie('serial_number', $serial_number); echo "$serial_number</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Express Service Code:</td><td>"; $escy = $row['esc']; setcookie('esc', $esc); echo "$esc</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>User:</td><td>"; $user = $row['user']; setcookie('user', $user); echo "$user</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Previous User:</td><td>"; $prev_user = $row['prev_user']; setcookie('prev_user', $prev_user); echo "$prev_user</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Warranty:</td><td>"; $warranty = $row['warranty']; setcookie('warranty', $warranty); echo "$warranty</td></tr></table>"; } break; case "Desktop": $sql = " SELECT asset.id ,asset.company ,asset.location ,asset.purchase_date ,asset.purchase_order ,asset.value ,asset.type ,asset.notes ,desktop.manufacturer ,desktop.model ,desktop.serial_number ,desktop.esc ,desktop.user ,desktop.prev_user ,desktop.warranty FROM asset LEFT JOIN desktop ON desktop.id = asset.id WHERE asset.id = $id "; $result = mysql_query($sql); while($row = mysql_fetch_assoc($result)) { echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Asset ID:</td><td>"; $id = $row['id']; setcookie('id', $id); echo "$id</td></tr>"; echo "<tr<td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td>><td>Company:</td><td>"; $company = $row['company']; setcookie('company', $company); echo "$company</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Location:</td><td>"; $company = $row['location']; setcookie('location', $location); echo "$location</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Purchase Date:</td><td>"; $purchase_date = $row['purchase_date']; setcookie('purchase_date', $purchase_date); echo "$purchase_date</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Purchase Order:</td><td>"; $purchase_order = $row['purchase_order']; setcookie('purchase_order', $purchase_order); echo "$purchase_order</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Value:</td><td>"; $value = $row['value']; setcookie('value', $value); echo "$value</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Type:</td><td>"; $type = $row['type']; setcookie('type', $type); echo "$type</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Notes:</td><td>"; $notes = $row['notes']; setcookie('notes', $notes); echo "$notes</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Manufacturer:</td><td>"; $manufacturer = $row['manufacturer']; setcookie('manufacturer', $manufacturer); echo "$manufacturer</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Model / Description:</td><td>"; $model = $row['model']; setcookie('model', $model); echo "$model</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Serial Number / Service Tag:</td><td>"; $serial_number = $row['serial_number']; setcookie('serial_number', $serial_number); echo "$serial_number</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Express Service Code:</td><td>"; $escy = $row['esc']; setcookie('esc', $esc); echo "$esc</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>User:</td><td>"; $user = $row['user']; setcookie('user', $user); echo "$user</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Previous User:</td><td>"; $prev_user = $row['prev_user']; setcookie('prev_user', $prev_user); echo "$prev_user</td></tr>"; echo "<tr><td>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</td><td>Warranty:</td><td>"; $warranty = $row['warranty']; setcookie('warranty', $warranty); echo "$warranty</td></tr></table>"; } break; } ?> </div> </div> </div> <div class="clear"></div> <div id="footer" align="center"> <p>&nbsp;</p> </div> </div> <div id="tagline"> Wagman Construction - Bridging Generations since 1902 </div> </body> </html>

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  • You Might Be a DBA

    - by BuckWoody
    With all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I was up late Friday night on a holiday weekend (which translated into T-SQL becomes “Maintenance Window”) and I got bored in between the two or three minutes I had between clicks. So I started a “Twitter” meme – and it just took off. I haven’t cleaned these up much, but here, in author order as of Saturday the 29th of May is the list “You might be a DBA” from around the Twitterverse: buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have children older than the rest of your team #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You and the Oracle DBA would kill each other, but you'll happily fight off a developer together first #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've threatened to quit if they give anyone the sa password on production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to co-workers as "carbon-units" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Being paranoid is on your resume at the top #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everyone comes to your cube to find the MSDN DVD's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've worn down developers to get your way by explaining normalization levels #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to clothes as "Data Abstractions" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Users pester you to be able to put data in a database, then they pester you to take it out and put it in Excel #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Others try to de-duplicate data, you try to copy it to more than three locations #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one DLT tape in the trunk of your car #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your spouse knows what "ETL" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've referred to yourself as the "Data Janitor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You don't have positive connotations of the word "upgrade" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get your coffee before you check your servers, because you know you won't get any if you don't #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always come to work through the back door so no one hijacks you on the way to your cube #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You check your server logs before you check your e-mail in the morning so you can reply "Yeah, I already fixed that." #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have more conference badges than clean socks #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your coffee mug says "It depends" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can convince a boss that you need 16GB of RAM in your laptop #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've used ebay to find production equipment #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when your company is acquiring another even before the CFO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call aspirin "work vitamins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get the same amount of sleep even after you have a child #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You obsess about performance metrics from over one year ago #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you buy after the database software is aftermarket tools to manage the database software #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've tried to convince someone else to become a DBA #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You only know other DBA's by their Tweet Handle #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've explained the difference between 32 and 64-bit to more than one manager in terms they can understand, using puppets #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've driven to the Datacenter to install SQL Server because "you don't trust those NOC admins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pay more for faster Internet connections than cable at home so you don't have to drive in #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call texting a "queuing system" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that if someone can read Perl, they manage an Oracle system #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an e-mail rule for backup notifications #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your food pyramid includes coffee, salt and fat #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You wish everything had a graphical query plan #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refactor your e-mails #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've written blog posts on technology you've never actually implemented in production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody @MidnightDBA Click the #youmightbeaDBA tag. I've had WAY too much coffee today.  buckwoody There is no other position that is 1-deep except you and the CEO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody When you watch "The Office" you call it "OJT" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your blog would make a "best practices" or "worst practices" book #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you install on your netbook is SSMS #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your watch is set to UTC because it's just easier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody There are just as many females in your technical field as males #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to time as a "Clustered Index" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think a millisecond is a really long time #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You're sitting and typing #youmightbeaDBA when you could be outside #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't wait for a technical conference so you can wear a kilt - and you're not Scottish #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that "DBA" stands for "Default Blame Acceptor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know what "the truth, thole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Codd" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't talk fast enough to get a concept out of your head so you tweet it instead #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cry when someone doesn't use a WHERE clause #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think "Set theory" is not an verb but a noun #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You try to convince random strangers to vote on your Connect item #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think 3 hours of contiguous sleep is a good thing #youmightbeaDBA or #youmightbeamother  buckwoody You don't like Oracle, and not just because of what she did to Neo #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when to say "sequel" and "s-q-l" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know where the data is #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to your children as "Fully Redundant Mirrors" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your laptop is more powerful than the servers in most companies - including your own #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You capitalize SELECTed words #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cringe in public when the word "upgrade" is used in a sentence #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody All Data Is MetaData means something to you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've never seen the driveway to your house in the daylight #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Most of your bloodstream is composed of caffeine #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your task list is labeled "CRUD Matrix" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call your wife/husband a "Linked Server" #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When someone tells you they are going to take a dump and you wonder of which database then #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend and you are working #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When you sit down at a table and look for it's primary key #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When getting milk from the fridge you check the expiry date is > getdate() #youmightbeaDBA  blakmk when you wake up dreaming about sql #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You think a @buckwoody bobblehead would be a cool thing to have on the dashboard of your car #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your friends don't understand why you think there's a difference between single and double quotes #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Even the newest employees know your name from all the downtime notices you've sent out #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You sometimes feel anxious and think "I should test restoring those backups" and then the feeling passes #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You know what a co-worker means when they ask "how is your squirrel server?" #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You're willing to move someone's job up in priority for a box of #voodoodonuts #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Each person in your company seems to think you work for THEM #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You have a Love/Hate relationship going on with #Microsoft #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver People ask you to troubleshoot their Access program #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The first words you hear in the morning are 'your voicemail box is full' #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The thought of disrupting 500 people's work so you can do something doesn't phase you #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your home computer is backed up in 3 different places #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your wardrobe for work includes pajamas #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Someone tells you to look in the INDEX and you look puzzled before finally going to the back of the book. #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you have ever set up a SQLAgent job to email your mobile phone to serve as an alarm clock #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd wrestle a SysAdmin to the ground to implement #DPA best practices as per @aspiringgeek #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy I need to be up in 7 hours, so I'm off to bed! I'll have to read the rest of @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA posts in the AM. (g'night Buck!)  databaseguy When people ask you about your house, the first thing you describe is the network. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The last thing you say at the office each day is, "is anybody else here? I'm shutting off the lights!" #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your blood pressure rises when you read application specs drafted by marketing. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy A good day at work is one when nobody pays you no mind. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You care about latches and wait states. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have worked over 200 hours on a performance tuning project that required no application changes at all. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The late-night security guard knows the names of your spouse and kids. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have had vigorous debates about whether it should be pronounced "sequel" or "ess-queue-ell". #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have VPN and RDP software installed on your phone ... just in case. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have edited a data file by hand, just to see what would happen. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You decorate your office walls with database catalog posters. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You've built programs that access data just to keep other developers from asking you to run queries all the time. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When you watch movies like The Matrix, you find yourself calculating the fasibility of storing all that data. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have tried to convince someone to spend money on an SSD storage array. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When CPU is spiked on a server, you want to gather forensic evidence. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have to remind developers not to push code to production without checking if the database is ready. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Nobody cares what you wear to work, as long as the thing keeps running. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Telepathy is a job requirement when working with app dev teams. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You read database statistics for the educational value. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And your boss freely admits this to anyone within earshot. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your boss cannot explain or understand what you do. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You envision ERDs when you see a GUI. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You say things like "applications come and go, but data lasts forever." #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have memorized the names of several of the AdventureWorks employees. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You know what MAXDOP setting you can get away with for a big query based on current server load. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And you immediately recognize the recursion in my last tweet. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You find 50 simultaneous tweets from @buckwoody about #youmightbeaDBA :O)  DBAishness You have "funny stories" about the times your developers accidentally deleted the T-log in their test environment. #youmightbeaDBA  DBAishness Planning to slice and dice your MDW data with PowerPivot makes you giggle like a schoolgirl. #youmightbeaDBA  donalddotfarmer You think @buckwoody lives in the "real world." #youmightbeaDBA  jamach09 @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA Why go outside when you can sit in the nice cool server room?  jamach09 If you refer to procreation as "Replication", #youmightbeaDBA.  jamach09 If you think ORM is a four-letter word, #youmightbeaDBA  JamesMarsh If you have ever preached the value of Source Code Control, #YouMightBeADBA  jethrocarr @venzann You store your shopping list in a ACID compliant DB #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive @buckwoody thought it stood for "Don't Bother Asking" #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive when you check your IT Events Calendar before making weekend plans #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You cringe whenever someone calls Excel a database #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna When the waiter says he'll be your server today, you ask how many terabytes he is #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna you always call the asterisk a "Star" #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You walk into a server room, say "Nice RACK!" and everyone there knows you're talking about server rack... #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You receive more messages from servers than from friends #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna hmmm... #youmightbeaDBA if your recipe for gumbo is "SELECT * FROM Refrigerator"  markjholmes @SQLSoldier Heh. #youmightbeaDBA if you correct other DBAs' spelling of @PaulRandal  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you actually test RAID5 vs RAID10 on your SAN because when it comes to configuration, "it depends."  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you have at least 3 definitions of the word "cluster"  MarlonRibunal 3 Words: @BrentO, snicker, & Access #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @onpnt @mikeSQL my appeal was a couple of mins late. Enjoying #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL @onpnt pls, don't mention bacon #youmightbeaDBA  merv @buckwoody You HATE 3-way joins #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA If you're up at midnight Tweeting about SQL #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA @buckwoody I'd noticed that. :) #youmightbeaDBA  mikeSQL when people talk about "their type" you're thinking varchar, bigint, binary, etc #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL people ask you to go to lunch , but you can't go because you're attending #SQLlunch #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you think that @buckwoody's demo using PowerPivot to analyze index usage data from DMVs is awesome then #youmightbeaDBA  mrdenny You wish @PaulRandal still worked at Microsoft so that they would make a bobble head of him #youmightbeadba  mrdenny When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, and your posting stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you go out with friends and wonder why no one's wearing a kilt then #YouMightBeADBA  mrdenny You can't do basic math, but you know off the top of your head how many CALs $14,412 can buy you. #YoumightbeaDBA  mrdenny If you've ever setup a SQL Job to email you to get you out of a regularly scheduled meeting #YouMightBeADBA.  mrdenny You throw up in your mouth a little when ever you here the word "Access". Even if it doesn't relate to a MS product. #YouMightBeADBA  msdtjones You spend more time listening to @buckwoody than your wife #youmightbeaDBA  NFDotCom You perform "hail deltas" on a regular basis. #YouMightBeADBA  NoelMcKinney If you tell your wife you want to go to Columbus Ohio for your wedding anniversary so you can attend #sqlsat42 then #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney Someone asks you to throw another log on the fire and you tell them not to worry about it because Autogrowth is turned on #youmightbeaDBA  Nuurdygirl Even if you have a girlfriend...its possible #youmightbeadba. Yeah-i said its possible!  Nuurdygirl When your girlfriend has to lean around the laptop to kiss you goodnight #youmightbeadba  Old_Man_Fish If you worry about how big your package is and how long it takes to finish #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If you no longer wonder if someone is in trouble or died if you are getting calls at 2AM #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If, when you hear the word ACCESS with no connotation you blood pressure jumps 50 points, #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you hear the word inject you immediately get concerned if your databases are OK #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your servers haven't been rebooted in a year #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You know why it's funny when @PaulRandal has the word, "Sheep" in a tweet #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have read BOL without actually having a problem to figure out #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You can type "SELECT columns FROM tables" without typos but tipen ni Banglish ares a messis #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt DR strategies doesn't include the word, RAID in them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can move a SQL Server instance to a new server without the users ever knowing #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have made an SSIS package that is more than one step #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have the balls to say no to your boss when they ask for the sa password #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you google to trouble shoot a problem and end up at your own blog (and it fixes it) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You talk your wife into moving the family vacation a week earlier so you can attend the areas local SSUG meeting #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can explain to a nontechnical person what a deadlock is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You hope a girl asks you what your collation is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you make jokes that include the words shrink, truncate and 1205. And you are the only one that laughs at them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You rate your ability to stay awake to work longer on blogs, twitter, forums and your day to day job with the 5 9's goal #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you have major surgery and beg the doctor to release you back to work 5 days later because you miss your servers #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  onpnt You do have backups and you know how to use them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt It's the network #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When the developers get to work your mood changes rapidly #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When someone says, "PASS", you first think of karaoke #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Recruiters try to get you to call them *just* because they think you'll give them @BrentO contact info #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You chuckle every time you go to grab the "CLR" Calcium, Lime and Rust Remover to clean something #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt @MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL Sorry man, it was already in motion ;-) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you have an "I love bacon" sticker on your laptop. #youmightbeaDBA http://twitpic.com/1ry671  onpnt You sing SELECT statements in the shower #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you see a chicken it doesn't remind you of food. It reminds you of a guy named Jorge #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt At time, SQL is your mistress #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your wife wonders if SQL is the code name of your mistress at times #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt it's Friday and you are on twitter thinking really hard about what would be funny for hash tag #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You organize your wife's "decorative"pillows on the bed in a B-Tree structure #youmightbeaDBA  PaulWhiteNZ If you: SELECT TOP (1) milk FROM fridge WHERE use_by_date >= GET_DATE() ORDER BY use_by_date ASC #YouMightBeaDBA  RonDBA #youmightbeaDBA if you read @buckwoody's and @BrentO's blogs.  ryaneastabrook @buckwoody omg, you have to stand up a website with these on them, they are awesome #youmightbeaDBA  soulvy @StrateSQL @LadyRuna Or a "Splat" #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You retweet @buckwoody on a Friday night #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer Developers make you twitch #youmightbeaDBA  sqlagentman You know what X/1024*8 is. #YouMightBeADBA  SqlAsylum Your still in the office at 5:00 on memorial day weekend. #youmightbeadba :)  SQLBob Whenever someone you know gets pregnant you bring up INNER JOINs or SQL Injection attacks... #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You know one or more SQL folks in the community with an animal in their username #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You've used one or more car analogies to explain how a database works #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken “@sqljoe: #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you” lmao nice!  SQLChicken When talking about SSIS your discussions break down into various jokes about packages #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You really own a "Stick of Much Developer Whacking" #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you wished your wife knew T-sql. USE ShoppingList SELECT NecessaryItems from Supermarket WHERE Category<> ("junk food")  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if the first thing you kiss when you wake up is your mobile for not waking you up in the middle of the night  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your wife has a "Do Not Fly" family vacation list of her own including your laptop and mobile  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have researched for DBA Anonymous groups and attended a #SSUG willing to drop your database (vice)  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your only maintenance windows are staff meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think of yourself as "The One" in The Matrix "balancing the equation" from The Architect's (developers) poor coding  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think @PaulRandal should have played the Oracle in The Matrix  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if home CD & Movie collection is stored in secured containers,in logical order & naming convention,and with a backup copy  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have tried to TiVo @MidnightDBA broadcasts  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your #sql user group feels like #AA meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you thought of bringing your #sql books to #sqlsaturday and #sqlpass for autographs  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if #sqlpass feels like the #oscars  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you are proud of your small package  SQLLawman #youmightbeaDBA when you hear MDX and Acura is not first thought that comes to mind.  sqlrunner If your wife double checks that there isn't a SQLSat within 200 miles of your vacation destination #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner You treat the word 'access' as a verb, not a noun #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner If you are happy with sub-second performance #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner Your company set's up international phone coverage for your cruise #youmightbeaDBA  sqlsamson @buckwoody if your manager asks you for data and you respond with "there's a script for that" #youmightbeadba  sqlsamson @buckwoody If you receive more messages from your server then your spouse #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You've spent all night Valentines Day upgrading the SQL Servers and forgot to tell your wife you'd be working late. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You're flattered when someone calls you a geek. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier @llangit @mrdenny it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, & your reading stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier Your manager borrows lunch money from you because your salary is 30% higher than his. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You think "intellisense" is a double negative because it's not intelligent nor makes sense. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier 75% of the emails you receive at home have the phrase "now following you on Twitter!" in the subject line. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You petition Ken Burns to remake Office Space because it should have been 18 hours long. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You select a candidate for a Jr DBA position because his resume said he's willing to get your coffee. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Somebody misquotes @PaulRandall and you call him on your cell to verify. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wish the elevator in your building was slower because it's the last time you'll be left alone all day. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The developers sacrifice small animals before giving you their code for review. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Developers bring you coffee and a BLT when you review their code. #youmightbeaDBA #IWish  SQLSoldier You can get out of any family get-together by saying you have to work and nobody questions it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You've requested a HP Superdome for you "test" box. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier A dev. asks if you've heard about some great new feature in SQL and you show the 16 blog posts you wrote on it ... last year #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You use a cell phone service coverage map to plan your next vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You come in to work at 7 AM because it gives you at least 3 hours without any developers around. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You figure out a way to make take your wife on a cruise and deduct it as a business expense. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlcruise  SQLSoldier You name your cat SQLDog because the name @SQLCat was already taken. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You rate your blog posts based on the number of retweets you get. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You disable random logins just to mess with people. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You fall for the pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your think the 4 food groups are coffee, bacon, fast food, and Mountain Dew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You tell someone your job title and they ask "What?" You describe it and they ask "What?". So you say "computer geek". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The #1 referrer to your blog is Twitter.com. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your idea of a good time on a Saturday involves free training. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlsat43  SQLSoldier You write a book that all of your co-workers have and none have read it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You write a book that sells a couple thousand copies and is heralded a best seller. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier No matter how sick you are, you go to work if it's time to pass the pager on to the next guy. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier You go out on the town, and strangers walk up to you and say, "Hey you're that SQL guy" #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier Your wife asks you to fix something, and you request a downtime window. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your best pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You list TSQL as your native language on the 2010 census. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Starbucks' stock price drops every time you go on vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You're happy when the web master says that the website is down. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You get mad when someone calls your car a "heap" because you've always considered it to be a "clustered index". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your blog has more hits than your company's website. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You systematically remove the asterisk key from all keyboards in the company except yours. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier When asked if you recycle, you reply that you run sp_cycle_errorlog every night at midnight #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wouldn't allow someone named @AdamMachanic to work on your car. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You switch offices every 3 days to avoid developers #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier PSS has your number on speed dial. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You frown when you they tell Neo that he's going to the Oracle #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  Tarwn A pleasurable saturday means spending the day learning more about what you already do the rest of the week #youmightbeaDBA ...oh, wait...  thelostforum For great justice; all our base are belong to YOU !! #youmightbeadba  thelostforum @SQLSoldier: You need a witness to use a mirror #youmightbeaDBA ;)  TimCost you capitalize key words. always. everywhere. you can't help it, usually don't even notice. #youmightbeaDBA  Toshana Your the only one in your company not impressed with the developers new application. #youmightbeaDBA  venzann Coming soon from a (respected) book publisher - @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann I love the #youmightbeaDBA tag. Found at least 6 new DBAs to follow..  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann You use #sqlhelp as a primary resource during troubleshooting #youmightbeaDBA  venzann You insist on stricter password security for your sql servers than you implement on your own laptop #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @buckwoody you are up so late the only tweets you see are from @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @SQLSoldier you are upgrading all your 2005 prod servers to 2008 R2 on a three day weekend... #youmightbeaDBA  zippy1981 #youmightbeaDBA if everytime you do something with #mongodb you think of the Vulcan proverb "only Nixon could go to China."  Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | reddit! | kick it! | live it!

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  • Remote Desktop Connection Only Works One Way

    - by advocate
    I can't get my desktop to connect to my laptop through remote desktop connection. Unfortunately I can only get my laptop to connect to my desktop (quite useless). Desktop: Windows 7 Ultimate 64 Bit SP1 Windows firewall is off for all 3 profiles (domain / private / public) Remote desktop connection is installed and set to allow all connections Under running services is: Running Remote Desktop Configuration Running Remote Desktop Services Running Remote Desktop Services UserMode Port Redirector Running Remote Procedure Call (RPC) Stopped Remote Access Auto Connection Manager Stopped Remote Access Connection Manager Stopped Remote Procedure Call (RPC) Locator Stopped Remote Registry Stopped Routing and Remote Access Stopped Windows Remote Management (WS-Management) Laptop: Windows 7 Home Premium 64 Bit SP1 Windows firewall is off for all3 profiles (domain / private / public) Remote desktop connection is installed and set to 'Allow Remote Assistance connections to this computer' Under running services is: Running Remote Procedure Call (RPC) Stopped Remote Access Auto Connection Manager Stopped Remote Access Connection Manager Stopped Remote Desktop Configuration Stopped Remote Desktop Services Stopped Remote Procedure Call (RPC) Locator Stopped Remote Registry Stopped Routing and Remote Access Stopped Windows Remote Management (WS-Management) It should be noted that the Laptop that I'm trying to connect to is an Alienware and might be running some wonky Dell settings. Also, the settings are slightly different for remote desktop connection as it's a Home edition of Windows and not Ultimate like my desktop. Finally, both computers are on the same Homegroup so that RDC can be accessed by one click through the network section of Windows. They're also on the same workgroup, MSHOME, just to see if that helps.

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  • Vista ICS issue

    - by Bill Grey
    I have a strange problem with Internet Connection Sharing on a laptop running Vista Business. This laptop is connected to the internet via the ethernet port, which goes to an ADSL modem. it is automatically assigned the IP address 192.168.1.50, and the modem/gateway is 192.168.1.1 My friends laptop is running Vista Home. Previously, I would create an ad hoc wireless network, enable ICS, and everything would be perfect. My friend would have internet access via this. However, something has now mysteriously broken. If I enable ICS on the wireless connection, it resets my Local Area Connection, assigning it the manual IP address of 192.168.0.1, which means my connection to the internet is destroyed. Both wireless adapters on each network are assigned auto configuration addresses, in the 168. range. They can see each other fine, but my friends laptop cannot access the internet via mine, even after I have restored the Local Area Connection settings. I understand the computer with ICS enabled must have the IP of 192.168.0.1, but previously, before whatever went wrong, my wireless adapter would be 192.168.0.1 and my friends computer would get an IP via DHCP. I have also tried setting static IP address and making a bridge, none of which works. How can I fix this problem, and prevent enabling ICS from touching my Local Area Connection? Both machines have no firewall, have appropriate settings etc...

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  • Windows 7 - Wireless Signal Good - Internet Often Says Limited or No Activity

    - by Anthony Trilussa Pizzo
    Hi - I have a New Dell Studio XPS latop that I hooked up in early January of 2010. The Dell Studio XPS laptop is connected to my wireless router (Belkin Wireless N). The router was purchased in Februaru of 2010 because I thought my router was bad (A D-Link router). Comcast is my ISP. Everyday, at random times, the internet will have a good signal (according to the little Win 7 icon on the taskbar) but I will receive a message saying limited or no internet access and I cannot access the internet. I have the internet setup to automatically get an IP and I did the IPCONFIG release / renew but with no success. I even had a WiFi enabled Blackberry right next to my computer and whenever the computer loses an WiFi connection, so does the Blackberry. The router isnt't bad, because the old router did the same thing - giving me limited or no internet access while working sometimes. I also tried using two other laptops in same physical position as my Dell Studio XPS laptop and they have the same problem. I am going crazy trying to figure this out as I have called the Router Company (Belkin), my ISP (Comcast), and my computer maker (Dell). Can anyone offer some suggestions and I can try them as we work through this and maybe one of the suggestion will be right one. Thanks in advance for even reading my problem. I searched for a problem similar to mine on the internet, but I have not been able to keep a steady internet connection. (Side note - I used to have an IBM thinkpad laptop and D - Link router and for years that wireless connection worked FLAWLESSLY, with the same physical set up - the laptop in my bedroom, and the router in the basement.)

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  • Printer deployment via Group Policy not working on a single system

    - by Aron Rotteveel
    One of my coworkers just got a new laptop running Windows 7 Pro x64. We use a GPO to deploy the printers to every system, but for some reason it is not working on this system. I have been breaking my head over this for the past 3 hours now without any result. The strange thing is that gpresult /H seems to indicate that the GPO did run. The hardware: Laptop: Windows 7 Professional x64 Print server: Windows Server 2008 x64 R1 HP Color LaserJet 2605dn HP LaserJet P2015 Driver packages on server: HP universal printer driver PCL5, both X86 as X64 Oddities and other info: GPO working flawlessly on every other system, including my own Windows 7 Ultimate X64 laptop gpresult /H shows the GPO being ran Windows Firewall completely disabled on the new laptop Below is the output for gpresult /H (in Dutch sadly, but I think you'll recognize it): Beleidsregels Windows-instellingen Printerverbindingen Pad Dominerend groepsbeleidsobject \\Server2008\HP Color LaserJet 2605dn Printers \\Server2008\HP LaserJet P2015 Printers Beheersjablonen Beleidsdefinities (ADMX-bestanden) opgehaald van de lokale computer. Configuratiescherm/Printers Beleid Instelling Dominerend groepsbeleidsobject Beperkingen van point-and-print Uitgeschakeld Printers Like I said, I have been trying to figure this out for the past few hours or so without any result, so you are my last hope. Any help is appreciated.

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