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  • The Incremental Architect&rsquo;s Napkin - #5 - Design functions for extensibility and readability

    - by Ralf Westphal
    Originally posted on: http://geekswithblogs.net/theArchitectsNapkin/archive/2014/08/24/the-incremental-architectrsquos-napkin---5---design-functions-for.aspx The functionality of programs is entered via Entry Points. So what we´re talking about when designing software is a bunch of functions handling the requests represented by and flowing in through those Entry Points. Designing software thus consists of at least three phases: Analyzing the requirements to find the Entry Points and their signatures Designing the functionality to be executed when those Entry Points get triggered Implementing the functionality according to the design aka coding I presume, you´re familiar with phase 1 in some way. And I guess you´re proficient in implementing functionality in some programming language. But in my experience developers in general are not experienced in going through an explicit phase 2. “Designing functionality? What´s that supposed to mean?” you might already have thought. Here´s my definition: To design functionality (or functional design for short) means thinking about… well, functions. You find a solution for what´s supposed to happen when an Entry Point gets triggered in terms of functions. A conceptual solution that is, because those functions only exist in your head (or on paper) during this phase. But you may have guess that, because it´s “design” not “coding”. And here is, what functional design is not: It´s not about logic. Logic is expressions (e.g. +, -, && etc.) and control statements (e.g. if, switch, for, while etc.). Also I consider calling external APIs as logic. It´s equally basic. It´s what code needs to do in order to deliver some functionality or quality. Logic is what´s doing that needs to be done by software. Transformations are either done through expressions or API-calls. And then there is alternative control flow depending on the result of some expression. Basically it´s just jumps in Assembler, sometimes to go forward (if, switch), sometimes to go backward (for, while, do). But calling your own function is not logic. It´s not necessary to produce any outcome. Functionality is not enhanced by adding functions (subroutine calls) to your code. Nor is quality increased by adding functions. No performance gain, no higher scalability etc. through functions. Functions are not relevant to functionality. Strange, isn´t it. What they are important for is security of investment. By introducing functions into our code we can become more productive (re-use) and can increase evolvability (higher unterstandability, easier to keep code consistent). That´s no small feat, however. Evolvable code can hardly be overestimated. That´s why to me functional design is so important. It´s at the core of software development. To sum this up: Functional design is on a level of abstraction above (!) logical design or algorithmic design. Functional design is only done until you get to a point where each function is so simple you are very confident you can easily code it. Functional design an logical design (which mostly is coding, but can also be done using pseudo code or flow charts) are complementary. Software needs both. If you start coding right away you end up in a tangled mess very quickly. Then you need back out through refactoring. Functional design on the other hand is bloodless without actual code. It´s just a theory with no experiments to prove it. But how to do functional design? An example of functional design Let´s assume a program to de-duplicate strings. The user enters a number of strings separated by commas, e.g. a, b, a, c, d, b, e, c, a. And the program is supposed to clear this list of all doubles, e.g. a, b, c, d, e. There is only one Entry Point to this program: the user triggers the de-duplication by starting the program with the string list on the command line C:\>deduplicate "a, b, a, c, d, b, e, c, a" a, b, c, d, e …or by clicking on a GUI button. This leads to the Entry Point function to get called. It´s the program´s main function in case of the batch version or a button click event handler in the GUI version. That´s the physical Entry Point so to speak. It´s inevitable. What then happens is a three step process: Transform the input data from the user into a request. Call the request handler. Transform the output of the request handler into a tangible result for the user. Or to phrase it a bit more generally: Accept input. Transform input into output. Present output. This does not mean any of these steps requires a lot of effort. Maybe it´s just one line of code to accomplish it. Nevertheless it´s a distinct step in doing the processing behind an Entry Point. Call it an aspect or a responsibility - and you will realize it most likely deserves a function of its own to satisfy the Single Responsibility Principle (SRP). Interestingly the above list of steps is already functional design. There is no logic, but nevertheless the solution is described - albeit on a higher level of abstraction than you might have done yourself. But it´s still on a meta-level. The application to the domain at hand is easy, though: Accept string list from command line De-duplicate Present de-duplicated strings on standard output And this concrete list of processing steps can easily be transformed into code:static void Main(string[] args) { var input = Accept_string_list(args); var output = Deduplicate(input); Present_deduplicated_string_list(output); } Instead of a big problem there are three much smaller problems now. If you think each of those is trivial to implement, then go for it. You can stop the functional design at this point. But maybe, just maybe, you´re not so sure how to go about with the de-duplication for example. Then just implement what´s easy right now, e.g.private static string Accept_string_list(string[] args) { return args[0]; } private static void Present_deduplicated_string_list( string[] output) { var line = string.Join(", ", output); Console.WriteLine(line); } Accept_string_list() contains logic in the form of an API-call. Present_deduplicated_string_list() contains logic in the form of an expression and an API-call. And then repeat the functional design for the remaining processing step. What´s left is the domain logic: de-duplicating a list of strings. How should that be done? Without any logic at our disposal during functional design you´re left with just functions. So which functions could make up the de-duplication? Here´s a suggestion: De-duplicate Parse the input string into a true list of strings. Register each string in a dictionary/map/set. That way duplicates get cast away. Transform the data structure into a list of unique strings. Processing step 2 obviously was the core of the solution. That´s where real creativity was needed. That´s the core of the domain. But now after this refinement the implementation of each step is easy again:private static string[] Parse_string_list(string input) { return input.Split(',') .Select(s => s.Trim()) .ToArray(); } private static Dictionary<string,object> Compile_unique_strings(string[] strings) { return strings.Aggregate( new Dictionary<string, object>(), (agg, s) => { agg[s] = null; return agg; }); } private static string[] Serialize_unique_strings( Dictionary<string,object> dict) { return dict.Keys.ToArray(); } With these three additional functions Main() now looks like this:static void Main(string[] args) { var input = Accept_string_list(args); var strings = Parse_string_list(input); var dict = Compile_unique_strings(strings); var output = Serialize_unique_strings(dict); Present_deduplicated_string_list(output); } I think that´s very understandable code: just read it from top to bottom and you know how the solution to the problem works. It´s a mirror image of the initial design: Accept string list from command line Parse the input string into a true list of strings. Register each string in a dictionary/map/set. That way duplicates get cast away. Transform the data structure into a list of unique strings. Present de-duplicated strings on standard output You can even re-generate the design by just looking at the code. Code and functional design thus are always in sync - if you follow some simple rules. But about that later. And as a bonus: all the functions making up the process are small - which means easy to understand, too. So much for an initial concrete example. Now it´s time for some theory. Because there is method to this madness ;-) The above has only scratched the surface. Introducing Flow Design Functional design starts with a given function, the Entry Point. Its goal is to describe the behavior of the program when the Entry Point is triggered using a process, not an algorithm. An algorithm consists of logic, a process on the other hand consists just of steps or stages. Each processing step transforms input into output or a side effect. Also it might access resources, e.g. a printer, a database, or just memory. Processing steps thus can rely on state of some sort. This is different from Functional Programming, where functions are supposed to not be stateful and not cause side effects.[1] In its simplest form a process can be written as a bullet point list of steps, e.g. Get data from user Output result to user Transform data Parse data Map result for output Such a compilation of steps - possibly on different levels of abstraction - often is the first artifact of functional design. It can be generated by a team in an initial design brainstorming. Next comes ordering the steps. What should happen first, what next etc.? Get data from user Parse data Transform data Map result for output Output result to user That´s great for a start into functional design. It´s better than starting to code right away on a given function using TDD. Please get me right: TDD is a valuable practice. But it can be unnecessarily hard if the scope of a functionn is too large. But how do you know beforehand without investing some thinking? And how to do this thinking in a systematic fashion? My recommendation: For any given function you´re supposed to implement first do a functional design. Then, once you´re confident you know the processing steps - which are pretty small - refine and code them using TDD. You´ll see that´s much, much easier - and leads to cleaner code right away. For more information on this approach I call “Informed TDD” read my book of the same title. Thinking before coding is smart. And writing down the solution as a bunch of functions possibly is the simplest thing you can do, I´d say. It´s more according to the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) principle than returning constants or other trivial stuff TDD development often is started with. So far so good. A simple ordered list of processing steps will do to start with functional design. As shown in the above example such steps can easily be translated into functions. Moving from design to coding thus is simple. However, such a list does not scale. Processing is not always that simple to be captured in a list. And then the list is just text. Again. Like code. That means the design is lacking visuality. Textual representations need more parsing by your brain than visual representations. Plus they are limited in their “dimensionality”: text just has one dimension, it´s sequential. Alternatives and parallelism are hard to encode in text. In addition the functional design using numbered lists lacks data. It´s not visible what´s the input, output, and state of the processing steps. That´s why functional design should be done using a lightweight visual notation. No tool is necessary to draw such designs. Use pen and paper; a flipchart, a whiteboard, or even a napkin is sufficient. Visualizing processes The building block of the functional design notation is a functional unit. I mostly draw it like this: Something is done, it´s clear what goes in, it´s clear what comes out, and it´s clear what the processing step requires in terms of state or hardware. Whenever input flows into a functional unit it gets processed and output is produced and/or a side effect occurs. Flowing data is the driver of something happening. That´s why I call this approach to functional design Flow Design. It´s about data flow instead of control flow. Control flow like in algorithms is of no concern to functional design. Thinking about control flow simply is too low level. Once you start with control flow you easily get bogged down by tons of details. That´s what you want to avoid during design. Design is supposed to be quick, broad brush, abstract. It should give overview. But what about all the details? As Robert C. Martin rightly said: “Programming is abot detail”. Detail is a matter of code. Once you start coding the processing steps you designed you can worry about all the detail you want. Functional design does not eliminate all the nitty gritty. It just postpones tackling them. To me that´s also an example of the SRP. Function design has the responsibility to come up with a solution to a problem posed by a single function (Entry Point). And later coding has the responsibility to implement the solution down to the last detail (i.e. statement, API-call). TDD unfortunately mixes both responsibilities. It´s just coding - and thereby trying to find detailed implementations (green phase) plus getting the design right (refactoring). To me that´s one reason why TDD has failed to deliver on its promise for many developers. Using functional units as building blocks of functional design processes can be depicted very easily. Here´s the initial process for the example problem: For each processing step draw a functional unit and label it. Choose a verb or an “action phrase” as a label, not a noun. Functional design is about activities, not state or structure. Then make the output of an upstream step the input of a downstream step. Finally think about the data that should flow between the functional units. Write the data above the arrows connecting the functional units in the direction of the data flow. Enclose the data description in brackets. That way you can clearly see if all flows have already been specified. Empty brackets mean “no data is flowing”, but nevertheless a signal is sent. A name like “list” or “strings” in brackets describes the data content. Use lower case labels for that purpose. A name starting with an upper case letter like “String” or “Customer” on the other hand signifies a data type. If you like, you also can combine descriptions with data types by separating them with a colon, e.g. (list:string) or (strings:string[]). But these are just suggestions from my practice with Flow Design. You can do it differently, if you like. Just be sure to be consistent. Flows wired-up in this manner I call one-dimensional (1D). Each functional unit just has one input and/or one output. A functional unit without an output is possible. It´s like a black hole sucking up input without producing any output. Instead it produces side effects. A functional unit without an input, though, does make much sense. When should it start to work? What´s the trigger? That´s why in the above process even the first processing step has an input. If you like, view such 1D-flows as pipelines. Data is flowing through them from left to right. But as you can see, it´s not always the same data. It get´s transformed along its passage: (args) becomes a (list) which is turned into (strings). The Principle of Mutual Oblivion A very characteristic trait of flows put together from function units is: no functional units knows another one. They are all completely independent of each other. Functional units don´t know where their input is coming from (or even when it´s gonna arrive). They just specify a range of values they can process. And they promise a certain behavior upon input arriving. Also they don´t know where their output is going. They just produce it in their own time independent of other functional units. That means at least conceptually all functional units work in parallel. Functional units don´t know their “deployment context”. They now nothing about the overall flow they are place in. They are just consuming input from some upstream, and producing output for some downstream. That makes functional units very easy to test. At least as long as they don´t depend on state or resources. I call this the Principle of Mutual Oblivion (PoMO). Functional units are oblivious of others as well as an overall context/purpose. They are just parts of a whole focused on a single responsibility. How the whole is built, how a larger goal is achieved, is of no concern to the single functional units. By building software in such a manner, functional design interestingly follows nature. Nature´s building blocks for organisms also follow the PoMO. The cells forming your body do not know each other. Take a nerve cell “controlling” a muscle cell for example:[2] The nerve cell does not know anything about muscle cells, let alone the specific muscel cell it is “attached to”. Likewise the muscle cell does not know anything about nerve cells, let a lone a specific nerve cell “attached to” it. Saying “the nerve cell is controlling the muscle cell” thus only makes sense when viewing both from the outside. “Control” is a concept of the whole, not of its parts. Control is created by wiring-up parts in a certain way. Both cells are mutually oblivious. Both just follow a contract. One produces Acetylcholine (ACh) as output, the other consumes ACh as input. Where the ACh is going, where it´s coming from neither cell cares about. Million years of evolution have led to this kind of division of labor. And million years of evolution have produced organism designs (DNA) which lead to the production of these different cell types (and many others) and also to their co-location. The result: the overall behavior of an organism. How and why this happened in nature is a mystery. For our software, though, it´s clear: functional and quality requirements needs to be fulfilled. So we as developers have to become “intelligent designers” of “software cells” which we put together to form a “software organism” which responds in satisfying ways to triggers from it´s environment. My bet is: If nature gets complex organisms working by following the PoMO, who are we to not apply this recipe for success to our much simpler “machines”? So my rule is: Wherever there is functionality to be delivered, because there is a clear Entry Point into software, design the functionality like nature would do it. Build it from mutually oblivious functional units. That´s what Flow Design is about. In that way it´s even universal, I´d say. Its notation can also be applied to biology: Never mind labeling the functional units with nouns. That´s ok in Flow Design. You´ll do that occassionally for functional units on a higher level of abstraction or when their purpose is close to hardware. Getting a cockroach to roam your bedroom takes 1,000,000 nerve cells (neurons). Getting the de-duplication program to do its job just takes 5 “software cells” (functional units). Both, though, follow the same basic principle. Translating functional units into code Moving from functional design to code is no rocket science. In fact it´s straightforward. There are two simple rules: Translate an input port to a function. Translate an output port either to a return statement in that function or to a function pointer visible to that function. The simplest translation of a functional unit is a function. That´s what you saw in the above example. Functions are mutually oblivious. That why Functional Programming likes them so much. It makes them composable. Which is the reason, nature works according to the PoMO. Let´s be clear about one thing: There is no dependency injection in nature. For all of an organism´s complexity no DI container is used. Behavior is the result of smooth cooperation between mutually oblivious building blocks. Functions will often be the adequate translation for the functional units in your designs. But not always. Take for example the case, where a processing step should not always produce an output. Maybe the purpose is to filter input. Here the functional unit consumes words and produces words. But it does not pass along every word flowing in. Some words are swallowed. Think of a spell checker. It probably should not check acronyms for correctness. There are too many of them. Or words with no more than two letters. Such words are called “stop words”. In the above picture the optionality of the output is signified by the astrisk outside the brackets. It means: Any number of (word) data items can flow from the functional unit for each input data item. It might be none or one or even more. This I call a stream of data. Such behavior cannot be translated into a function where output is generated with return. Because a function always needs to return a value. So the output port is translated into a function pointer or continuation which gets passed to the subroutine when called:[3]void filter_stop_words( string word, Action<string> onNoStopWord) { if (...check if not a stop word...) onNoStopWord(word); } If you want to be nitpicky you might call such a function pointer parameter an injection. And technically you´re right. Conceptually, though, it´s not an injection. Because the subroutine is not functionally dependent on the continuation. Firstly continuations are procedures, i.e. subroutines without a return type. Remember: Flow Design is about unidirectional data flow. Secondly the name of the formal parameter is chosen in a way as to not assume anything about downstream processing steps. onNoStopWord describes a situation (or event) within the functional unit only. Translating output ports into function pointers helps keeping functional units mutually oblivious in cases where output is optional or produced asynchronically. Either pass the function pointer to the function upon call. Or make it global by putting it on the encompassing class. Then it´s called an event. In C# that´s even an explicit feature.class Filter { public void filter_stop_words( string word) { if (...check if not a stop word...) onNoStopWord(word); } public event Action<string> onNoStopWord; } When to use a continuation and when to use an event dependens on how a functional unit is used in flows and how it´s packed together with others into classes. You´ll see examples further down the Flow Design road. Another example of 1D functional design Let´s see Flow Design once more in action using the visual notation. How about the famous word wrap kata? Robert C. Martin has posted a much cited solution including an extensive reasoning behind his TDD approach. So maybe you want to compare it to Flow Design. The function signature given is:string WordWrap(string text, int maxLineLength) {...} That´s not an Entry Point since we don´t see an application with an environment and users. Nevertheless it´s a function which is supposed to provide a certain functionality. The text passed in has to be reformatted. The input is a single line of arbitrary length consisting of words separated by spaces. The output should consist of one or more lines of a maximum length specified. If a word is longer than a the maximum line length it can be split in multiple parts each fitting in a line. Flow Design Let´s start by brainstorming the process to accomplish the feat of reformatting the text. What´s needed? Words need to be assembled into lines Words need to be extracted from the input text The resulting lines need to be assembled into the output text Words too long to fit in a line need to be split Does sound about right? I guess so. And it shows a kind of priority. Long words are a special case. So maybe there is a hint for an incremental design here. First let´s tackle “average words” (words not longer than a line). Here´s the Flow Design for this increment: The the first three bullet points turned into functional units with explicit data added. As the signature requires a text is transformed into another text. See the input of the first functional unit and the output of the last functional unit. In between no text flows, but words and lines. That´s good to see because thereby the domain is clearly represented in the design. The requirements are talking about words and lines and here they are. But note the asterisk! It´s not outside the brackets but inside. That means it´s not a stream of words or lines, but lists or sequences. For each text a sequence of words is output. For each sequence of words a sequence of lines is produced. The asterisk is used to abstract from the concrete implementation. Like with streams. Whether the list of words gets implemented as an array or an IEnumerable is not important during design. It´s an implementation detail. Does any processing step require further refinement? I don´t think so. They all look pretty “atomic” to me. And if not… I can always backtrack and refine a process step using functional design later once I´ve gained more insight into a sub-problem. Implementation The implementation is straightforward as you can imagine. The processing steps can all be translated into functions. Each can be tested easily and separately. Each has a focused responsibility. And the process flow becomes just a sequence of function calls: Easy to understand. It clearly states how word wrapping works - on a high level of abstraction. And it´s easy to evolve as you´ll see. Flow Design - Increment 2 So far only texts consisting of “average words” are wrapped correctly. Words not fitting in a line will result in lines too long. Wrapping long words is a feature of the requested functionality. Whether it´s there or not makes a difference to the user. To quickly get feedback I decided to first implement a solution without this feature. But now it´s time to add it to deliver the full scope. Fortunately Flow Design automatically leads to code following the Open Closed Principle (OCP). It´s easy to extend it - instead of changing well tested code. How´s that possible? Flow Design allows for extension of functionality by inserting functional units into the flow. That way existing functional units need not be changed. The data flow arrow between functional units is a natural extension point. No need to resort to the Strategy Pattern. No need to think ahead where extions might need to be made in the future. I just “phase in” the remaining processing step: Since neither Extract words nor Reformat know of their environment neither needs to be touched due to the “detour”. The new processing step accepts the output of the existing upstream step and produces data compatible with the existing downstream step. Implementation - Increment 2 A trivial implementation checking the assumption if this works does not do anything to split long words. The input is just passed on: Note how clean WordWrap() stays. The solution is easy to understand. A developer looking at this code sometime in the future, when a new feature needs to be build in, quickly sees how long words are dealt with. Compare this to Robert C. Martin´s solution:[4] How does this solution handle long words? Long words are not even part of the domain language present in the code. At least I need considerable time to understand the approach. Admittedly the Flow Design solution with the full implementation of long word splitting is longer than Robert C. Martin´s. At least it seems. Because his solution does not cover all the “word wrap situations” the Flow Design solution handles. Some lines would need to be added to be on par, I guess. But even then… Is a difference in LOC that important as long as it´s in the same ball park? I value understandability and openness for extension higher than saving on the last line of code. Simplicity is not just less code, it´s also clarity in design. But don´t take my word for it. Try Flow Design on larger problems and compare for yourself. What´s the easier, more straightforward way to clean code? And keep in mind: You ain´t seen all yet ;-) There´s more to Flow Design than described in this chapter. In closing I hope I was able to give you a impression of functional design that makes you hungry for more. To me it´s an inevitable step in software development. Jumping from requirements to code does not scale. And it leads to dirty code all to quickly. Some thought should be invested first. Where there is a clear Entry Point visible, it´s functionality should be designed using data flows. Because with data flows abstraction is possible. For more background on why that´s necessary read my blog article here. For now let me point out to you - if you haven´t already noticed - that Flow Design is a general purpose declarative language. It´s “programming by intention” (Shalloway et al.). Just write down how you think the solution should work on a high level of abstraction. This breaks down a large problem in smaller problems. And by following the PoMO the solutions to those smaller problems are independent of each other. So they are easy to test. Or you could even think about getting them implemented in parallel by different team members. Flow Design not only increases evolvability, but also helps becoming more productive. All team members can participate in functional design. This goes beyon collective code ownership. We´re talking collective design/architecture ownership. Because with Flow Design there is a common visual language to talk about functional design - which is the foundation for all other design activities.   PS: If you like what you read, consider getting my ebook “The Incremental Architekt´s Napkin”. It´s where I compile all the articles in this series for easier reading. I like the strictness of Function Programming - but I also find it quite hard to live by. And it certainly is not what millions of programmers are used to. Also to me it seems, the real world is full of state and side effects. So why give them such a bad image? That´s why functional design takes a more pragmatic approach. State and side effects are ok for processing steps - but be sure to follow the SRP. Don´t put too much of it into a single processing step. ? Image taken from www.physioweb.org ? My code samples are written in C#. C# sports typed function pointers called delegates. Action is such a function pointer type matching functions with signature void someName(T t). Other languages provide similar ways to work with functions as first class citizens - even Java now in version 8. I trust you find a way to map this detail of my translation to your favorite programming language. I know it works for Java, C++, Ruby, JavaScript, Python, Go. And if you´re using a Functional Programming language it´s of course a no brainer. ? Taken from his blog post “The Craftsman 62, The Dark Path”. ?

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  • You Might Be a DBA

    - by BuckWoody
    With all apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, I was up late Friday night on a holiday weekend (which translated into T-SQL becomes “Maintenance Window”) and I got bored in between the two or three minutes I had between clicks. So I started a “Twitter” meme – and it just took off. I haven’t cleaned these up much, but here, in author order as of Saturday the 29th of May is the list “You might be a DBA” from around the Twitterverse: buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have children older than the rest of your team #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You and the Oracle DBA would kill each other, but you'll happily fight off a developer together first #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've threatened to quit if they give anyone the sa password on production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've sent a vendor suggestions on improving their database design or code (and been ignored) #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an opinion on the best code-beautifier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one set of scripts you won't share #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to co-workers as "carbon-units" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Being paranoid is on your resume at the top #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everyone comes to your cube to find the MSDN DVD's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always plan an exit strategy, even when entering a McDonald's #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've worn down developers to get your way by explaining normalization levels #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to clothes as "Data Abstractions" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Users pester you to be able to put data in a database, then they pester you to take it out and put it in Excel #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Others try to de-duplicate data, you try to copy it to more than three locations #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have at least one DLT tape in the trunk of your car #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your spouse knows what "ETL" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've referred to yourself as the "Data Janitor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You don't have positive connotations of the word "upgrade" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get your coffee before you check your servers, because you know you won't get any if you don't #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You always come to work through the back door so no one hijacks you on the way to your cube #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You check your server logs before you check your e-mail in the morning so you can reply "Yeah, I already fixed that." #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have more conference badges than clean socks #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your coffee mug says "It depends" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can convince a boss that you need 16GB of RAM in your laptop #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've used ebay to find production equipment #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when your company is acquiring another even before the CFO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pad all project timelines by 2X, and you still miss them #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call aspirin "work vitamins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You get the same amount of sleep even after you have a child #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You obsess about performance metrics from over one year ago #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you buy after the database software is aftermarket tools to manage the database software #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've tried to convince someone else to become a DBA #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You use twitter and facebook to talk with colleagues because there's no one else in your company that does what you do #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You only know other DBA's by their Tweet Handle #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've explained the difference between 32 and 64-bit to more than one manager in terms they can understand, using puppets #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your two main enemies are developers and SAN admins #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've driven to the Datacenter to install SQL Server because "you don't trust those NOC admins" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You pay more for faster Internet connections than cable at home so you don't have to drive in #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call texting a "queuing system" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that if someone can read Perl, they manage an Oracle system #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have an e-mail rule for backup notifications #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your food pyramid includes coffee, salt and fat #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You wish everything had a graphical query plan #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refactor your e-mails #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've written blog posts on technology you've never actually implemented in production #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody @MidnightDBA Click the #youmightbeaDBA tag. I've had WAY too much coffee today.  buckwoody There is no other position that is 1-deep except you and the CEO #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody When you watch "The Office" you call it "OJT" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You would pay money for a license plate that has the letters S-Q-L together #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your blog would make a "best practices" or "worst practices" book #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You have actually considered making a RAID array from thumb drives #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody The first thing you install on your netbook is SSMS #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Everything on your laptop is installed from your MSDN subscription #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your watch is set to UTC because it's just easier #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody * == bad #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody There are just as many females in your technical field as males #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to time as a "Clustered Index" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You make plenty of money, but you're excited to get a $2.00 squeeze-ball from Quest and Redgate #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't explain to your family what you really do for a living #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You tell people that you made a database query go faster, and expect them to be happy for you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think a millisecond is a really long time #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You're sitting and typing #youmightbeaDBA when you could be outside #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't wait for a technical conference so you can wear a kilt - and you're not Scottish #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know that "DBA" stands for "Default Blame Acceptor" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody People can use Access as a cross or garlic on you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know what "the truth, thole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Codd" means #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've gotten more help from twitter and facebook than all your years in college #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You can't talk fast enough to get a concept out of your head so you tweet it instead #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cry when someone doesn't use a WHERE clause #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think data can be represented as something OTHER than XML #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think "Set theory" is not an verb but a noun #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You try to convince random strangers to vote on your Connect item #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think 3 hours of contiguous sleep is a good thing #youmightbeaDBA or #youmightbeamother  buckwoody You don't like Oracle, and not just because of what she did to Neo #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know when to say "sequel" and "s-q-l" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know where the data is #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You refer to your children as "Fully Redundant Mirrors" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your laptop is more powerful than the servers in most companies - including your own #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You capitalize SELECTed words #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You take the word "NoSQL" as a personal attack #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You know why "user" refers to both business people and crack addicts #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You cringe in public when the word "upgrade" is used in a sentence #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Holiday == "Maintenance Window" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody All Data Is MetaData means something to you #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You've never seen the driveway to your house in the daylight #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You think that something OTHER than the database might be the performance bottleneck #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Most of your bloodstream is composed of caffeine #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody Your task list is labeled "CRUD Matrix" #youmightbeaDBA  buckwoody You call your wife/husband a "Linked Server" #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When someone tells you they are going to take a dump and you wonder of which database then #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend and you are working #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When you sit down at a table and look for it's primary key #youmightbeaDBA  anonythemouse When getting milk from the fridge you check the expiry date is > getdate() #youmightbeaDBA  blakmk when you wake up dreaming about sql #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You think a @buckwoody bobblehead would be a cool thing to have on the dashboard of your car #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your friends don't understand why you think there's a difference between single and double quotes #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Even the newest employees know your name from all the downtime notices you've sent out #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You sometimes feel anxious and think "I should test restoring those backups" and then the feeling passes #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You know what a co-worker means when they ask "how is your squirrel server?" #youmightbeadba  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You're willing to move someone's job up in priority for a box of #voodoodonuts #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Each person in your company seems to think you work for THEM #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You have a Love/Hate relationship going on with #Microsoft #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver People ask you to troubleshoot their Access program #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The first words you hear in the morning are 'your voicemail box is full' #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver The thought of disrupting 500 people's work so you can do something doesn't phase you #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver You can't sleep at night and you ponder the logisitcs of collecting every copy of Access for the world's biggest bonfire #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your home computer is backed up in 3 different places #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Your wardrobe for work includes pajamas #youmightbeaDBA  CharlesGarver Someone tells you to look in the INDEX and you look puzzled before finally going to the back of the book. #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you have ever set up a SQLAgent job to email your mobile phone to serve as an alarm clock #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd rather meet Itzik than Jay Z #youmightbeaDBA  chuckboycejr If you'd wrestle a SysAdmin to the ground to implement #DPA best practices as per @aspiringgeek #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy I need to be up in 7 hours, so I'm off to bed! I'll have to read the rest of @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA posts in the AM. (g'night Buck!)  databaseguy When people ask you about your house, the first thing you describe is the network. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The last thing you say at the office each day is, "is anybody else here? I'm shutting off the lights!" #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your blood pressure rises when you read application specs drafted by marketing. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy A good day at work is one when nobody pays you no mind. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You care about latches and wait states. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have worked over 200 hours on a performance tuning project that required no application changes at all. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy The late-night security guard knows the names of your spouse and kids. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have had vigorous debates about whether it should be pronounced "sequel" or "ess-queue-ell". #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have VPN and RDP software installed on your phone ... just in case. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have edited a data file by hand, just to see what would happen. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You decorate your office walls with database catalog posters. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You've built programs that access data just to keep other developers from asking you to run queries all the time. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When you watch movies like The Matrix, you find yourself calculating the fasibility of storing all that data. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have tried to convince someone to spend money on an SSD storage array. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy When CPU is spiked on a server, you want to gather forensic evidence. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have to remind developers not to push code to production without checking if the database is ready. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Nobody cares what you wear to work, as long as the thing keeps running. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Telepathy is a job requirement when working with app dev teams. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You read database statistics for the educational value. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And your boss freely admits this to anyone within earshot. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy Your boss cannot explain or understand what you do. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You envision ERDs when you see a GUI. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You say things like "applications come and go, but data lasts forever." #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You have memorized the names of several of the AdventureWorks employees. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You know what MAXDOP setting you can get away with for a big query based on current server load. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy And you immediately recognize the recursion in my last tweet. #youmightbeaDBA  databaseguy You find 50 simultaneous tweets from @buckwoody about #youmightbeaDBA :O)  DBAishness You have "funny stories" about the times your developers accidentally deleted the T-log in their test environment. #youmightbeaDBA  DBAishness Planning to slice and dice your MDW data with PowerPivot makes you giggle like a schoolgirl. #youmightbeaDBA  donalddotfarmer You think @buckwoody lives in the "real world." #youmightbeaDBA  jamach09 @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA Why go outside when you can sit in the nice cool server room?  jamach09 If you refer to procreation as "Replication", #youmightbeaDBA.  jamach09 If you think ORM is a four-letter word, #youmightbeaDBA  JamesMarsh If you have ever preached the value of Source Code Control, #YouMightBeADBA  jethrocarr @venzann You store your shopping list in a ACID compliant DB #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive @buckwoody thought it stood for "Don't Bother Asking" #youmightbeaDBA  joe_positive when you check your IT Events Calendar before making weekend plans #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You cringe whenever someone calls Excel a database #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna When the waiter says he'll be your server today, you ask how many terabytes he is #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna you always call the asterisk a "Star" #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You walk into a server room, say "Nice RACK!" and everyone there knows you're talking about server rack... #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna You receive more messages from servers than from friends #youmightbeaDBA  LadyRuna hmmm... #youmightbeaDBA if your recipe for gumbo is "SELECT * FROM Refrigerator"  markjholmes @SQLSoldier Heh. #youmightbeaDBA if you correct other DBAs' spelling of @PaulRandal  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you actually test RAID5 vs RAID10 on your SAN because when it comes to configuration, "it depends."  markjholmes #youmightbeaDBA if you have at least 3 definitions of the word "cluster"  MarlonRibunal 3 Words: @BrentO, snicker, & Access #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @onpnt @mikeSQL my appeal was a couple of mins late. Enjoying #youmightbeaDBA  MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL @onpnt pls, don't mention bacon #youmightbeaDBA  merv @buckwoody You HATE 3-way joins #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA If you're up at midnight Tweeting about SQL #youmightbeaDBA  MidnightDBA @buckwoody I'd noticed that. :) #youmightbeaDBA  mikeSQL when people talk about "their type" you're thinking varchar, bigint, binary, etc #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL people ask you to go to lunch , but you can't go because you're attending #SQLlunch #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mikeSQL you laugh for hours at all of the #sqlmoviequotes ....things in which a normal individual would scratch their head at. #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you think that @buckwoody's demo using PowerPivot to analyze index usage data from DMVs is awesome then #youmightbeaDBA  mrdenny You wish @PaulRandal still worked at Microsoft so that they would make a bobble head of him #youmightbeadba  mrdenny When it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, and your posting stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  mrdenny If you go out with friends and wonder why no one's wearing a kilt then #YouMightBeADBA  mrdenny You can't do basic math, but you know off the top of your head how many CALs $14,412 can buy you. #YoumightbeaDBA  mrdenny If you've ever setup a SQL Job to email you to get you out of a regularly scheduled meeting #YouMightBeADBA.  mrdenny You throw up in your mouth a little when ever you here the word "Access". Even if it doesn't relate to a MS product. #YouMightBeADBA  msdtjones You spend more time listening to @buckwoody than your wife #youmightbeaDBA  NFDotCom You perform "hail deltas" on a regular basis. #YouMightBeADBA  NoelMcKinney If you tell your wife you want to go to Columbus Ohio for your wedding anniversary so you can attend #sqlsat42 then #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney You read a union is on strike and wonder if it's a UNION ALL #youmightbeaDBA  NoelMcKinney Someone asks you to throw another log on the fire and you tell them not to worry about it because Autogrowth is turned on #youmightbeaDBA  Nuurdygirl Even if you have a girlfriend...its possible #youmightbeadba. Yeah-i said its possible!  Nuurdygirl When your girlfriend has to lean around the laptop to kiss you goodnight #youmightbeadba  Old_Man_Fish If you worry about how big your package is and how long it takes to finish #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If you no longer wonder if someone is in trouble or died if you are getting calls at 2AM #youmightbeaDBA  Old_Man_Fish If, when you hear the word ACCESS with no connotation you blood pressure jumps 50 points, #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you hear the word inject you immediately get concerned if your databases are OK #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your servers haven't been rebooted in a year #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You know why it's funny when @PaulRandal has the word, "Sheep" in a tweet #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have read BOL without actually having a problem to figure out #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You can type "SELECT columns FROM tables" without typos but tipen ni Banglish ares a messis #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt DR strategies doesn't include the word, RAID in them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can move a SQL Server instance to a new server without the users ever knowing #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have made an SSIS package that is more than one step #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You have the balls to say no to your boss when they ask for the sa password #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you google to trouble shoot a problem and end up at your own blog (and it fixes it) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You talk your wife into moving the family vacation a week earlier so you can attend the areas local SSUG meeting #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you can explain to a nontechnical person what a deadlock is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You hope a girl asks you what your collation is #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you make jokes that include the words shrink, truncate and 1205. And you are the only one that laughs at them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You rate your ability to stay awake to work longer on blogs, twitter, forums and your day to day job with the 5 9's goal #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt you have major surgery and beg the doctor to release you back to work 5 days later because you miss your servers #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  onpnt You do have backups and you know how to use them #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt It's the network #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When the developers get to work your mood changes rapidly #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When someone says, "PASS", you first think of karaoke #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Recruiters try to get you to call them *just* because they think you'll give them @BrentO contact info #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You chuckle every time you go to grab the "CLR" Calcium, Lime and Rust Remover to clean something #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt @MarlonRibunal @mikeSQL Sorry man, it was already in motion ;-) #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you have an "I love bacon" sticker on your laptop. #youmightbeaDBA http://twitpic.com/1ry671  onpnt You sing SELECT statements in the shower #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt When you see a chicken it doesn't remind you of food. It reminds you of a guy named Jorge #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt At time, SQL is your mistress #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt Your wife wonders if SQL is the code name of your mistress at times #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt it's Friday and you are on twitter thinking really hard about what would be funny for hash tag #youmightbeaDBA  onpnt You organize your wife's "decorative"pillows on the bed in a B-Tree structure #youmightbeaDBA  PaulWhiteNZ If you: SELECT TOP (1) milk FROM fridge WHERE use_by_date >= GET_DATE() ORDER BY use_by_date ASC #YouMightBeaDBA  RonDBA #youmightbeaDBA if you read @buckwoody's and @BrentO's blogs.  ryaneastabrook @buckwoody omg, you have to stand up a website with these on them, they are awesome #youmightbeaDBA  soulvy @StrateSQL @LadyRuna Or a "Splat" #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You retweet @buckwoody on a Friday night #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer You can still fall asleep after three cups of coffee #youmightbeaDBA  speedracer Developers make you twitch #youmightbeaDBA  sqlagentman You know what X/1024*8 is. #YouMightBeADBA  SqlAsylum Your still in the office at 5:00 on memorial day weekend. #youmightbeadba :)  SQLBob Whenever someone you know gets pregnant you bring up INNER JOINs or SQL Injection attacks... #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You know one or more SQL folks in the community with an animal in their username #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken You've used one or more car analogies to explain how a database works #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken “@sqljoe: #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you” lmao nice!  SQLChicken When talking about SSIS your discussions break down into various jokes about packages #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLChicken Just SEEING the code for cursors makes you break out in hives #youmightbeaDBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You really own a "Stick of Much Developer Whacking" #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman You coined the phrase "Magic SAN Dust" because calling a vendor's marketing claims BS is not acceptable in a meeting. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman Default Blame Acceptor #YouMightBeADBA  SQLCraftsman If you hear about a new feature with the acronym "DAC" and wonder what disaster of a feature it is attached to this time. #YouMightBeADBA  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you wished your wife knew T-sql. USE ShoppingList SELECT NecessaryItems from Supermarket WHERE Category<> ("junk food")  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if the first thing you kiss when you wake up is your mobile for not waking you up in the middle of the night  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your wife has a "Do Not Fly" family vacation list of her own including your laptop and mobile  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have researched for DBA Anonymous groups and attended a #SSUG willing to drop your database (vice)  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your only maintenance windows are staff meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think of yourself as "The One" in The Matrix "balancing the equation" from The Architect's (developers) poor coding  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you think @PaulRandal should have played the Oracle in The Matrix  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if home CD & Movie collection is stored in secured containers,in logical order & naming convention,and with a backup copy  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you applied to attend #sqlu and requested @SQLChicken to pull strings for you  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you have tried to TiVo @MidnightDBA broadcasts  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if your #sql user group feels like #AA meetings  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you thought of bringing your #sql books to #sqlsaturday and #sqlpass for autographs  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if #sqlpass feels like the #oscars  sqljoe #youmightbeaDBA if you are proud of your small package  SQLLawman #youmightbeaDBA when you hear MDX and Acura is not first thought that comes to mind.  sqlrunner If your wife double checks that there isn't a SQLSat within 200 miles of your vacation destination #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you're on a conference call and your wife thinks your speaking in a foreign language #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner You treat the word 'access' as a verb, not a noun #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner If you are happy with sub-second performance #youmightbeaDBA  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner When you know the names of the NOC people AND their families #youmightbeadba  sqlrunner Your company set's up international phone coverage for your cruise #youmightbeaDBA  sqlsamson @buckwoody if your manager asks you for data and you respond with "there's a script for that" #youmightbeadba  sqlsamson @buckwoody If you receive more messages from your server then your spouse #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You've spent all night Valentines Day upgrading the SQL Servers and forgot to tell your wife you'd be working late. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier You're flattered when someone calls you a geek. #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier @llangit @mrdenny it's 11pm on a holiday weekend, & your reading stupid jokes on Twitter then #youmightbeadba  SQLSoldier Your manager borrows lunch money from you because your salary is 30% higher than his. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You think "intellisense" is a double negative because it's not intelligent nor makes sense. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier 75% of the emails you receive at home have the phrase "now following you on Twitter!" in the subject line. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You petition Ken Burns to remake Office Space because it should have been 18 hours long. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You select a candidate for a Jr DBA position because his resume said he's willing to get your coffee. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Somebody misquotes @PaulRandall and you call him on your cell to verify. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wish the elevator in your building was slower because it's the last time you'll be left alone all day. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The developers sacrifice small animals before giving you their code for review. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Developers bring you coffee and a BLT when you review their code. #youmightbeaDBA #IWish  SQLSoldier You can get out of any family get-together by saying you have to work and nobody questions it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You've requested a HP Superdome for you "test" box. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier A dev. asks if you've heard about some great new feature in SQL and you show the 16 blog posts you wrote on it ... last year #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier The new CEO asks you to justify your salary, so you go on vacation for 2 weeks. And he never questions you again. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your dev team is still testing SQL 2008 and you're already planning for SQL 11. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You use a cell phone service coverage map to plan your next vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You come in to work at 7 AM because it gives you at least 3 hours without any developers around. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You figure out a way to make take your wife on a cruise and deduct it as a business expense. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlcruise  SQLSoldier You name your cat SQLDog because the name @SQLCat was already taken. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You rate your blog posts based on the number of retweets you get. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You disable random logins just to mess with people. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You fall for the pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You can blame an outage on anyone in the company because you're the only one that knows how to find out what really happened #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your leave work early because your internet connection to the data center is better at home #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You cheer when Milton burns down the company in Office Space #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your think the 4 food groups are coffee, bacon, fast food, and Mountain Dew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You tell someone your job title and they ask "What?" You describe it and they ask "What?". So you say "computer geek". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier The #1 referrer to your blog is Twitter.com. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your idea of a good time on a Saturday involves free training. #youmightbeaDBA #sqlsat43  SQLSoldier You write a book that all of your co-workers have and none have read it. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You write a book that sells a couple thousand copies and is heralded a best seller. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier No matter how sick you are, you go to work if it's time to pass the pager on to the next guy. #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier You go out on the town, and strangers walk up to you and say, "Hey you're that SQL guy" #youmightbeaDBA #TrueStory  SQLSoldier Your wife asks you to fix something, and you request a downtime window. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your best pickup line, "Hey baby, what's your collation?" #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your wife asks when you'll be home, and you tell her that you wish you knew. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You list TSQL as your native language on the 2010 census. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Starbucks' stock price drops every time you go on vacation. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You're happy when the web master says that the website is down. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You know that @BuckWoody is not someone's porno name. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You get mad when someone calls your car a "heap" because you've always considered it to be a "clustered index". #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier Your blog has more hits than your company's website. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You systematically remove the asterisk key from all keyboards in the company except yours. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier When asked if you recycle, you reply that you run sp_cycle_errorlog every night at midnight #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You wouldn't allow someone named @AdamMachanic to work on your car. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You switch offices every 3 days to avoid developers #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier PSS has your number on speed dial. #youmightbeaDBA  SQLSoldier You frown when you they tell Neo that he's going to the Oracle #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  swhaley you regretted saying "This shouldn't effect production" #youmightbeaDBA  Tarwn A pleasurable saturday means spending the day learning more about what you already do the rest of the week #youmightbeaDBA ...oh, wait...  thelostforum For great justice; all our base are belong to YOU !! #youmightbeadba  thelostforum @SQLSoldier: You need a witness to use a mirror #youmightbeaDBA ;)  TimCost you capitalize key words. always. everywhere. you can't help it, usually don't even notice. #youmightbeaDBA  Toshana Your the only one in your company not impressed with the developers new application. #youmightbeaDBA  venzann Coming soon from a (respected) book publisher - @buckwoody's #youmightbeaDBA  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann I love the #youmightbeaDBA tag. Found at least 6 new DBAs to follow..  venzann He's on a role tonight. @buckwoody is summing up my life with his #youmightbeaDBA tweets...  venzann You use #sqlhelp as a primary resource during troubleshooting #youmightbeaDBA  venzann You insist on stricter password security for your sql servers than you implement on your own laptop #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @buckwoody you are up so late the only tweets you see are from @buckwoody #youmightbeaDBA  WesBrownSQL @SQLSoldier you are upgrading all your 2005 prod servers to 2008 R2 on a three day weekend... #youmightbeaDBA  zippy1981 #youmightbeaDBA if everytime you do something with #mongodb you think of the Vulcan proverb "only Nixon could go to China."  Share this post: email it! | bookmark it! | digg it! | reddit! | kick it! | live it!

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  • VMWare ESXi 4.1- 5.1 installation hang

    - by osij2is
    I'm well aware that I'm trying to install VMWare ESXi 5.1 on hardware that's not on the HCL. I can't find my motherboard on the ultimatewhitebox site as well. I acknowledge these issues in advance. What I'm trying to find is someway to access the logs during installation or see a console or log file to see where the installation is hanging at and remove a device or change a setting in the BIOS. The installation is hanging, not getting a purple screen of death. I thought by hitting ALT+F10 or F12 (or some key combination as such) would enable me to see the console but no such luck. I haven't been able to find much within the ESXi online documentation either. Here's the parts I'm using: AMD Phenom II x3 700 MSI 890FXA-GD70 (IOMMU capable) 16GB DDR3 1333 RAM (2x8GB DIMMs) Intel Pro 1000 (Dual-GbE) PCIe x4 (removed during installation) LSI 9211-8i PCIe (removed during installation) LSI 9201-16i PCIe (removed during installation) Matrox video card BIOS settings: IOMMU is enabled (during 5.1 IOMMU successfully loads) AHCI is enabled (hangs for 4.1) Both onboard Realtek NICs are disabled For ESXi 5.1, the installation hangs after vmkapi_v2_0_0_0 is loaded. For ESXi 5.0, it hangs when loading the vmklinux_9 module. For ESXi 4.1 U3, the installation hangs during loading of ahci module. Again, I'm looking for some way to view a console (service console?) or log file during or after an installation attempt to see what verbose error messages or logging can lead me to solving this problem.

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  • Weird "missing" CD/DVD driver during Windows Server 2008 installation

    - by Django Reinhardt
    Hi. We have an old PowerEdge 860 that we're trying to install Windows Server 2008 R2 onto. At present the machine doesn't have any OS installed, so we're doing a clean install from a DVD. Pretty simple stuff. The problem is that, although the installation process starts off well (asking for language and locale settings), as soon as we click "Install Now" we're told "A required CD/DVD device driver is missing." The operating system has already booted from our only DVD drive(!). I've seen other people complain about this problem (usually in relation to installing Vista or Windows 7) but I've not found a 100% solution yet. (Our DVD drive is a Hitachi LG GWA-4400N, salvaged from an old laptop. There have never been any drivers released for this device, nor any firmware updates.) The most promising lead I have is from someone claiming that Windows is actually asking for a driver for the ATAPI/IDE Controller here. UPDATE See my answer below... It was most likely a corrupt download. (*shame*) I will update this question when I know for sure.

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  • FFMPEG Install on EC2 - Amazon Linux

    - by Oliver Holmberg
    Hello Serverfault friends, I am about two days into attempting to install FFMPEG with dependencies on an AWS EC2 instance running the Amazon Linux AMI. I've installed FFMPEG on Ubuntu and Fedora systems with no problems in the past, and have read reportedly successful instructions on installing on Red Hat/Fedora. I have followed a number of tutorials and forum articles to do so, but have had no luck yet. As far as I can tell, the main problems are as followed: The amazon linux (Most similar to red-hat/centos) yum repositories don't have ffmpeg available. I have found instructions to update the repositories to include the required packages, but adding these repositories cause yum to fail in updating packages. (Also, I've read some cautionary tales about adding redhat/centos repositories to amazon linux that lead me to believe it may be a bad idea) (https://forums.aws.amazon.com/thread.jspa?messageID=229166) I have tried a more complicated method of downloading the source tarball, compiling, and installing, but this always fails due to missing dependencies and other errors. On to my question: Has anyone successfully installed FFMPEG on Amazon Linux? Is there a fundamental incompatibility? If anyone could share specific instructions on installing ffmpeg on amazon linux I would be greatly appreciative. Any other insights/experiences would also be appreciated. Thanks in advance, Oliver

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  • "Steam needs to be online to update" - 404 fetching *_osx.zip.*

    - by Chris Boyle
    Since yesterday evening, when I launch Steam on OSX, a self-update progress bar appears instead (at 0 of 30MB or so). This bar does not advance, an error dialog appears: Steam needs to be online to update Please confirm your network connection and try again. The app then exits. This happens whether wifi or ethernet or both are connected, and pings to the outside world succeed throughout. If I look at the logs in Console, they are very similar to this example (though that's not mine). Specifically: Success! http://store.steampowered.com/public/client/steam_client_osx?date=718277 [...] Failed! http://cdn.store.steampowered.com/public/client/breakpad_osx.zip.27f59114a86fcd50533e1d7b128f9300947f9969 Failed! http://cdn.store.steampowered.com/public/client/steam_osx.zip.11a99384214805f2dd3be5084ba6be61d662f8ac Failed! http://cdn.store.steampowered.com/public/client/miles_osx.zip.d9fb546541f59c1fdd03962a605236b1021abab8 Requesting the first URL successfully returns some data including the filenames of the latter three, and requesting any of those gives me a 404 (I've tried multiple clients on multiple continents). Searches on Google and Twitter show about 10-20 others having this problem in the past 24 hours, but hardly the angry mob I'd expect if the problem affected all Steam OSX users. Things that have already been tried with no effect: Switching between wifi and ethernet. Killing all Steam processes including ipcserver. Moving the ~/Library/Application Support/Steam/registry.vdf file away. Requesting those URLs with other clients and from other locations. Interesting: that first URL with the date parameter returns the same content even without that parameter (thus would lead to the same 404s) suggesting that the problem is not necessarily specific to coming from a particular currently-installed version of Steam.

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  • Intel Wireless 4965AGN not achieving N throughput when connected to an Airport Express N network

    - by BenA
    I have an Intel Wireless WiFi Link 4965AGN adaptor in my laptop (HP Pavillion dv2000 series) which is connecting to a 5Ghz-only 802.11n network provided by an Apple Airport Express. The network is using WPA2 encryption. My desktop is also connected the Airport, via a Linksys WUSB600N USB adaptor. Both are running with the latest drivers, and the Airport is running the latest firmware. The Airport is also configured to use wide channels. The problem I have is that I never get throughput above 4MB/s when transferring files between the two machines. Even a pessimistic calculation shows a 270Mbps network as being capable of transfer rates at well above 10MB/s. I'm pretty sure I've isolated the issue to being the Intel adaptor, as wiring the desktop to the AP, and using the Linksys adaptor on the laptop immediately yielded speeds limited by the 100MB/s ethernet connection. I know that 802.11n is still a draft standard, and so mixing kit from different manufacturers can easily lead to poor results, but I was just wondering if anybody else out there has had success with this Intel adaptor on an N network? Or even better, connecting it to an Airport Express? Can anybody give me any advice on how to troubleshoot this issue? I should also mention that the Airport Express doesn't allow you to manually specify channels when running in N mode, and that I've been able to rule out interference from other Wireless LANs by scanning. There aren't any other 5GHz networks in my area. All ideas welcome! Update: A while later, I've just updated to the most recent drivers for both the Intel chip in the laptop, and the USB adaptor. Unfortunately this hasn't improved things :(. If anybody has any advice it would be be gratefully received.

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  • Open Source PDF reader for windows as an alternative to Adobe reader

    - by Tom Feiner
    With the latest javascript vulnerabilities in Adobe reader and bloat it has aquired over the years, I've been thinking of moving the network I'm in charge of to a different product for PDF reading on Windows. The ideal PDF reader should be something that is: Small in size (Adobe reader is more than 200MB these days after installation). As secure by default as possible (For example, javascript disabled by default). Nice looking and easy to use interface. Not bloated with features (I just want to read PDFs, that's it). Does not install any toolbars/unwanted add ons/spyware. Does not display any ads while viewing PDFs. Preferably Open Source. (this pretty much ensures no ads). Full Unicode support. Idealy , something like evince from gnome, will be the best option, but unfortunately that's not available on Windows. Foxit is an option, as it is small, and has a nice interface. But it still has javascript enabled by default which might lead to vulnerabilities - and it installs a toolbar , and displays ads while reading PDFs which is distracting. There is a site dedicated to Open Source PDF readers, pdfreaders.org, however, the Windows pdf readers each have their problems, mostly the interface is not as convenient (as evince, adobe or foxit). Here's a list of all PDF software from WikiPedia. There's a "Viewers" section for each OS. What Windows PDF reader would you recommend ?

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  • Error 720 on VPN (PPTP) attempt

    - by Andy Shulman
    When I attempt to connect to a server running XP x64 (so essentially Server 2003) using a PPTP connection, it fails with client-side error Registering your computer on the network... Error 720: A connection to the remote computer could not be established. You might need to change the network settings for this configuration. and server-side error Event ID: 20050 The user WINSERV3\Andy connected to port VPN8-1 has been disconnected because no network protocols were successfully negotiated. I have configured the router to pass both TCP packets on 1723 and GRE packets. I have used Wireshark (filtering out ARP, UDP, and all TCP ports other than 1723) to observe the packets received by the server. Wireshark does not explicitly name any protocol GRE, but it does tell me the server sent and received TCP, PPTP, PPP LCP, PPP CHAP, PPP CBCP, and PPP IPCP. The connection seems to go wrong at packet 30, where the protocol is PPP LCP, with the payload of the packet being labeled "Protocol Reject". Obviously, this is going from server to client. This would seem to lead to the conclusion that there is something wrong with my client, which runs Windows 7 Ultimate x64. However, it is able to connect to my house's router, which runs the DD-WRT firmware and is thus a PPTP endpoint. I'm thoroughly at a loss. Please help!

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  • Installing rpm module of Python for yum

    - by vito
    I've installed Python and yum from source (configure, make, make install), not using RPMs because that's leading to several other issues. So when I executed: # yum update ... I get the following error: Traceback (most recent call last): File "/usr/bin/yum", line 22, in <module> import yummain File "/usr/share/yum/yummain.py", line 22, in <module> import clientStuff File "/usr/share/yum/clientStuff.py", line 18, in <module> import rpm ImportError: No module named rpm Now because I've installed yum and python from source, do I need to install Python's rpm module from source, too? Because installing the rpm for this module lead to the following error: # rpm -vih rpm-python-3.0.4-6x.i386.rpm warning: rpm-python-3.0.4-6x.i386.rpm: V3 DSA signature: NOKEY, key ID db42a60e error: Failed dependencies: python >= 1.5.2 is needed by rpm-python-3.0.4-6x.i386 libbz2.so.0 is needed by rpm-python-3.0.4-6x.i386 librpm.so.0 is needed by rpm-python-3.0.4-6x.i386 Suggested resolutions: /var/spool/up2datepython-2.3.4-14.7.el4.x86_64.rpm I tried searching for the source of this module, but I couldn't find it. Any help in installing this module is appreciated. Thanks for your time. Other info: # python -V Python 2.6.5

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  • CD and DVD burning very slow with LG DVD Burner

    - by Om Nom Nom
    I have an HP m7560in Desktop which came with an LG DVD burner. As far back as I can remember, it has been having problems in burning discs. It used to take about one and a half hour to burn 4 GB of data on a blank DVD-R. I am using Nero and ImgBurn and I usually select 8x speed for burning. I used to run XP earlier and now I run Windows 7 on it, but I face the problem on both. I have already checked that DMA mode is selected in the IDE controllers' properties. On XP, uninstalling the IDE controllers and DVD drive from the Device Manager, rebooting and letting it install the drivers again fixed the problem for a while, but after a couple reboots, the problem used to come back. On Windows 7, even doing that is not fixing the problem. In fact, in Windows 7, the burning process doesn't even begin. Imgburn gets stuck on the first stage (of writing Lead-In), and it never progresses until I turn off / reset the computer. I checked the disc info after this happened, and the disc still shows empty and ready to be burned on, so it's obvious that it didn't even touch the disc. I have already had the drive replaced once by HP, but it didn't fix the problem. Do you guys have any suggestions? (Note that Windows Updates doesn't give any newer driver for the controllers, or any other components for that matter).

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  • Is it necessary to burn-in RAM for server-class systems?

    - by ewwhite
    When using server-class systems with ECC RAM, is it necessary or even useful to burn-in the memory DIMMs prior to deployment? I've encountered an environment where all server RAM is placed through a lengthy multi-day burn-in/stress-tesing process. This has delayed system deployments on occasion and adds an extra step to the hardware lead-time. The server hardware is primarily Supermicro, so the RAM is sourced from a variety of vendors; not directly from the manufacturer like a Dell Poweredge or HP ProLiant. Is this process useful? In my past experience, I simply used vendor RAM out of the box. Isn't that what the POST memory tests are for? I've encountered and responded to ECC errors long before a DIMM actually failed. The ECC thresholds were usually the trigger for warranty placement. Do you burn your RAM in? If so, what method do you use to perform the tests? Has the burn-in process resulted in any additional platform stability? Has it identified any pre-deployment problems?

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  • Online Storage and security concerns

    - by Megge
    I plan to set up a small fileserver. I already own a small server at HostEurope (VirtualServer L, 250GB space), but they don't offer enough space (there is the HostEurope Cloud, but paying for bandwidth isn't an option here, video-streaming should be possible) Requirements summarized: Storage: 2TB, Users: ~15, Filesizes: < 100GB, should be easily reachable (Mount as a networkdrive or at least have solid "communication" software) My first question would be: Where can I get halfway affordable online storages? And how should I connect them to my server? Getting an additional server is a bit overkill, as I know no hoster which allows 2 TB on a small 2 Ghz Dual Core 2 GB RAM thingy (that would be enough by far, I just need much space), and connecting it via NFS or FTP over Internet seems a bit strange and cripples performance. Do you have any advice where I could get that storage service from? (I sent HostEurope a custom request today, but they didn't answer till now. If they can provide me with that space, this question will be irrelevant, but the 2nd one is the more important one anway, don't do much more than recommend me some based on experience, you don't have to crawl hours through hosting services) livedrive for example offers 5 TB for 17€ / month, I'd be happy with 2 TB for 20 €, the caveat is: It doesn't allow multiple users, which leads me to my second question: Where are the security problems? Which protocol is sufficient (I want private and "public" folders etc. the usual "every user has its own and a public space"-thing), secure and fast? (I'd tend to (S)FTP, problem with FTP is: Most of those hosting services don't even allow FTP with mutliple users and single users lead me into "hacking" a solution (you could map the basic folder structure on the main server and just mount every subfolder from the storage, things get difficult with a public folder with 644 permissions though) Is useing something like PKI or 802.1X overkill for private uses?

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  • Network cabling with multiple patch panels?

    - by dannymcc
    I am in the very early stages of planning a network cabling upgrade in our office, mainly to upgrade the old cables from Cat5 to either 5e or 6. I am also planning on upgrading all of our 10/100 switches to 10/100/1000 switches. I would like to have three small wall mounted cabinets spread around the building, each with a patch panel and switch. These would all lead back to our server room. The question is; should I have two patch panels in each wall cabinet, one with 24 or 48 ports that are connected to a matching patch panel in the server room. The second patch panel would then link to each device in that cabinets area. Then I wouldn't put a switch in the small cabinets. All switching would be done in the server room. Or, should I have one main cable from the server room to each of the cabinets - plugged straight into the switch and the patch panel is for devices in the cabinets area? I hope that makes sense!

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  • netlogon errors

    - by rorr
    I have two instances of mssql 2005 and am using CA XOSoft replication. The master is a failover cluster and the replica is a standalone server. They are all running Server 2003 sp2 x64. Same patch levels on all servers. This setup has worked great for several months until we recently restricted the RPC ports on both nodes of the master(5000 - 6000 using rpccfg.exe). We have to implement egress filtering, thus the limiting of the ports. We began receiving login errors for sql windows authentication and NETLOGON Event ID: 5719: This computer was not able to set up a secure session with a domain controller in domain due to the following: Not enough storage is available to process this command. This may lead to authentication problems. Make sure that this computer is connected to the network. If the problem persists, please contact your domain administrator. We also see group policies failing to update and cluster file shares go offline at the same time. The RPC ports were set back to default when we started seeing these problems and the servers rebooted, but the problems persist. The domain controllers are not showing any errors. Running dcdiag and netdiag shows everything is fine. We have noticed that the XOSoft service ws_rep.exe is using a lot of handles(8 - 9k), about the same number that sqlserver is using. As soon as xosoft replication is stopped the login errors cease and everything functions correctly. I have opened a ticket with CA for XOSoft, but I'm not sure that the problem is actually xosoft, but that it is the one bringing the problem to light. I'm looking for tips on debugging RPC problems. Specifically on limiting the ports and then reverting the changes.

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  • NIS: which mechanism hides shadow.byname for unpriviledged users?

    - by Mark Salzer
    On some Linux box (SLES 11.1) which is a NIS client I can do as root: ypcat shadow.byname and get output, i.e. some lines with the encrypted passwords, amongst other information. On the same Linux box, if I run the same command as unpriviledged user, I get No such map shadow.byname. Reason: No such map in server's domain Now I am surprised. My good old knowlege says that shadow passwords in NIS are absurd because there is no access control or authentication in the protocol and thus every (unpriviledged) user can access the shadow map and thereby obtain the encrypted passwords. Obviously we have a different picture here. Unfortunately I don't have access to the NIS server to figure out what is happening. My only guess is that the NIS master gives the map only to clients conection from a priviledged port (1024), but this is only an uneducated guess. What mechanisms are there in current NIS implementations to lead to a behavior like the above? How "secure" are they? Can the be circumvented easily? Or are shadow passwords in NIS as secure as the good old shadow files?

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  • How to collect the performance data of a server during an unreachable/down period using Nagios?

    - by gsc-frank
    Some time services and host stop responding due to a poor server performance. I mean, if for some reason (could be lot of concurrency services access, a expensive backup execution on the server or whatever that consume tons of server resources) a server performance is very degraded, that could lead that the server isn't capable to establish any "normal network communication" (without trigger whatever standards timeouts defined for such communication). Knowing host's performance data (cpu, memory, ...) in case of available during that period (host is not down and despite of its performance degradation still allow plugins collect performance data) could be very useful for sysadmin to try to determine what cause the problem, or at least, if the host performance was good and don't interfered at all in the host/service down. This problem could be solved using remote active (NRPE) or remote passive (NSCA) if such remote solutions could store (buffered) perf data to be send to central Nagios server when host performance or network outage allow it. I read the doc of both solutions and can't find any reference to such buffer mechanism neither what happened in case that NSCA can't reach Nagios server. Any idea of how solve this lack of info? so useful for forensic analysis. EDIT: My questions isn about which tools I can use to debug perf problems or gather perf data to analysis, but is about how collect (using Nagios) host perf data even during a network outage for its posterior analysis (kind of forensic analysis). The idea is integrate such data to Nagios graphers like pnp4nagios and NagiosGrapther. I know that I could install tools like Cacti in each of my host, and have a kind of performance data collection redundancy, but I really want avoid that and try to solve all perf analysis requirements with one tools: Nagios

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  • Pushing updates to live server... FTP isn't cutting it... a better method?

    - by Jenkz
    I'm the lead developer in a team of 2. My partner has only just joined the project and despite using GIT for version control etc, we are still stuck in the dark ages when it comes to code deployment. Currently I make all site updates via FTP (this way I have control / responsibility over everything that goes live), using Filezilla. I've done this for years, but we now have some large PHP classes (300KB), and a lot of traffic. So in short, every time I upload a key class "general" for example, the site goes down until the file finishes uploading. This is only 5/6 seconds at a time, but this is increasingly unacceptable. I realise I can upload the file under a different name and then rename both files... but really there must be a better way? I've heard about rsyncing code across from another server, but I don't see how this prevents switching to the new file whilst uploading. We only have one server (for DB and Apache) but also use some cloud servers (for openx as an example).

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  • Computer loses all installed programs and appears to return OS-only state

    - by Jake
    This is a story regarding 3 laptops of different brand and models. On separate occassions, I configured each of these Windows 7 / Vista computers with the necessary configuration and applications (which are supposedly the same actually), e.g. join office domain, same windows updates, microft office etc. These machinese were configure in our office in Singapore, and then they were taken to India for use. Someday in India, when booting up the laptop, all went fine except when it reach the log in screen, it was no longer possible to login with domain credentials. Logging into the laptop local admin account will lead to discover that the machine has returned to "OS-only state". All the configurations and applications were gone. The actual user profiles are still in the C: drive so files can still be retrieved, but under Control Panel Uninstall Programs it is evident that at least the registry is corrupted. The above scenario happen to the first 2 laptops. For the third, the system reports "Operating System Not Found" on boot up. I cannot think of any reason except to suspect a power fluctuation issue. Question is, will a power issue create this behaviour? What else can cause this issue?

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  • Linksys WAP54G v3.1 no access, power and link LED solid

    - by user142113
    I'm managing the Network of a small enterprise. A Linksys WAP54G v3.1 used to provide the WiFi network. I was called, because the device did not provide a WiFi network anymore. I first of all tried to ping the device via LAN, but there was no reaction. I've frequently reconnected the AP to the mains and always the POWER and the LINK LED keep solid, even if no network cable is connected. What I've done yet: Reset as documented: Pressed the RESET button for 10 seconds. After that I have tried to access the AP with a direct cable connection to my computer, that I've set to a static ip of 192.168.1.240, but i got no ping response on the default IP 192.168.1.245. Furthermore ipconfig reports "media disconnected". More complex reset method as described here http://bruceshankle.blogspot.de/2005/12/how-to-reset-linksys-wap54g.html as well had no effect. also tried to ping 192.168.1.1 without success Tried this method: http://www.daniweb.com/hardware-and-software/networking/threads/142437/linksys-wireless-access-point-problem#post680245 but there was no ping response when powering up. As well the tftp transfer timed out Finally tried to short pin 15 and 16 of the flash chip on the bottom side of the AP mainboard while booting to provoke a Checksum error. This should lead to the possibility to upload a firmware with tftp, as the AP stops booting and waits for a tftp connection on 192.168.1.1. But I've had no success. As well i've put pin 15 and 16 to ground while booting, also without an effect. After all that I still can't ping the AP, ipconfig still tells me "media disconnected". The POWER and LINK LED are solid. I would appreciate your answers

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  • HTTP Upload Problems

    - by jfoster
    We are running a marketplace on ColdFusion8 and IIS with a widely geographically distributed user base and have been receiving complaints of issues with some HTTP uploads. Most of the complaints are coming from geographically distant locations from our main datacenter on the US east coast. I've attempted to upload the same 70MB file from a US West coast test server to both our main site and a backup running the same code on a different network route and I saw the same issues fairly consistently in both places, so I've ruled out the code, route, and internal network errors. I've also tested uploads using both the native cf upload tag and a third party tool called SaFileUp. I saw the same issues with both upload tools, so I also don't think this is necessarily a ColdFusion problem. I don't have any problems uploading the test file from the East coast to other east coast servers, so I'm beginning to think that the distance between our users and our equipment is a factor. I've also found that smaller files are more likely to succeed than large ones (< 10MB) I tried the test upload with both IE and FF and did notice a difference in the way that the browsers seemed to handle packet errors. IE seemed to have a tough time continuing an upload after dropped / bad packets, whereas FF seemed to have the ability to gracefully resume an upload after experiencing packet problems. Has anyone experienced similar issues? Is there anything we can do on our side to make uploads more forgiving to packet loss or resumable after an error? A different upload tool etc… Do we need upload servers in more than one location to shorten the network routes between clients and servers? Does anyone think that switching uploads to SSL will help (no layer7 packet sniffing may lead to a smoother upload). Thanks.

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  • New virtualization project and old SAN

    - by Chris
    Hi, We'll start shortly a partial virtualization of our infrastructure and consolidate a dozen servers into virtuals instances. We'll also add some client application virtualization into the mix for good measure. Two HP DL 380 with the new xeons 56xx and 96 GB of memory each running xenserver + xenapp will then take charge of most of our IT needs. So far, so good. One element that is missing from the picture is the storage part. We need some sort of shared storage to enable live motion and other HA features. We have an IBM DS 4300 SAN that we can use for that. But since it's in production since 2005, I'm not sure about such a critical role for a 5yr old part. So my question is: What is the reliability of this kind of equipment after 5 yr ? Can it last 10 yr with no or few problems ? Since our budjet is tight, not buying another SAN will be a big plus. This lead me to another question: FC disks cost an arm and a leg from IBM. When I type the replacement # in google (for example IBM 300GB 15K 4GBPS FC HDD 42D0410), I can find it at a fraction of the price at various sites. So am I stupid to buy from IBM or naive to trust 3rd party reseller ?? Thanks, Chris

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  • Can an image based backup potentially corrupt data?

    - by ServerAdminGuy45
    I'm considering doing image based backups (Acronis) on production Windows systems during non-peak hours. I'm just wondering if they can potentially lead to application data corruption. Lets say that I have a database that is getting hit pretty hard. Could I potentially have the beginning blocks of the database be commit ed to the image, data inserted into the db (which changes the beginning blocks of the DB on the server but not the image), then the blocks of data committed to the image (leading to an inconsistent state). Here's an example of what I'm trying to illustrate. Imagine a simple data structure which has a number in the front which represents the number of "a"s in a file. The number and data are delimited by a "-". For example: 4-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuaoffffa If an "a" is changed, the datastructure resets the number in the begining of the file such as: 3-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuboffffa I assume acronis writes block by block being a straight up image so here is what i'm invisioning happening with my database t0: 4-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuaoffffa ^pointer is here t1: 4-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuaoffffa ^pointer is here (all data before this is comitted to the image) t2: 4-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuboffffa ^pointer is here (all data before this is comitted to the image) Also notice how one of the "a"s change to a b. There are only 3 "a"s now t3: 4-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuboffffa ^pointer is here (all data before this is comitted to the image) The final image now reads "4-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuboffffa", while the true data is "3-ajjjjjjjajuuuuuuuboffffa" leading to a corrupt "database". Basically changes further down the blockchain could be reflected in the image, while important header and synchronization could already be committed. The out of date header information doesn't accurately reflect the structure of the blocks to come.

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  • Migrating Windows 2003 File Server Cluster to Windows 2008 R2 Standalone?

    - by Tatas
    We have a situation where we have an aging Windows 2003 File Server Cluster that we'd like to move to a standalone Windows Server 2008 R2 VM that resides in our Hyper-V R2 installation. We see no need to keep the Clustering as Hyper-V is now providing our Failover/Redundancy. Usually, in a standalone file server migration we migrate the data, preserving NTFS permissions and then export the sharing permissions from the registry and import them on the new server. This does not appear possible in this instance, as the 2003 cluster stores the sharing permissions quite differently. My question is, how would one perform this type of migration? Is it even possible? My current lead is the File Server Migration Toolkit, however I can find no information on the net about migrating from cluster to standalone, only the opposite. Please help. UPDATE: We ended up getting the data copied over (permissions intact), but had to recreate the shares manually by hand. It was a bit of a pain but it did in the end work out.

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  • BIOS corrupted? How to proceed? Acer Travelmate 290

    - by dtlussier
    I have a older ACER Travelmate 290 (manufactured in 2002 or 2003), which I recently tried to upgrade to Ubuntu 9.10. After doing the upgrade process it appeared as if I had a problem with my x server configuration, as on the first reboot post-install I heard the Ubuntu startup sound, but had a black screen. I thought I would then reboot again to drop down into text-mode to trouble shoot the x configuration problem. However, when I tried rebooting, something went wrong and since then when I start up the machine I get absolutely nothing except the first hardware check (i.e. HDD light flashes, CD/DVD drive spins, etc.). Other than that the screen remains totally black and I have no HDD or processor activity at all. I have tried restarting it a number of time holding down all kinds of key combinations to try and coax it into the BIOS (if possible) with no luck. I have also tried putting in both a live Linux disc and a Windows install disk without any luck. With a disk in the drive it will spin for a few seconds and then stop. All this has lead me to suspect that the BIOS is somehow corrupt (not sure about the right terminology). I have tried putting a new BIOS image and installer program downloaded from ACER on a USB key to see if it will run when I start up the machine, but no luck. I'm not sure if this method of interacting/updating/flashing the BIOS will work outside of Windows/DOS as both OSs are mentioned kind of ambiguously in the documentation. I have also taken the laptop case apart and inspected the various cards and cannot find any obviously burned out components. I'm not sure how to proceed at this point in terms of components to try, or how to try and load a new BIOS image onto the board. Any advice here would be great, especially from those with experience with this particular line of laptops. Thanks!

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